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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS really doesn't want to do sex education lessons at school

20 replies

cuppateaplease · 03/06/2009 16:16

........so will he really be missing anything if I don't give permission for him to have them? He fully understands the 'science' side of reproduction so that isn't an issue. All he will say is that he really doesnt want to attend and it will be all about penises and stuff!
I've also bought him some books on the subject and about puberty/body changes - he was upset with these too and has hidden them in his room somewhere - I've looked and can't find them!

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 03/06/2009 16:21

how old is he?
he needs to know the realities so that he doesn't get taught all sorts of crap in the playground

I dont think I would not give permission for him to have them

cornsilk · 03/06/2009 16:23

They won't just be about the science side, he needs to go to them. Can you ask the PHSE co-ordinator to have a chat with him about them and reassure him?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/06/2009 16:24

my ds is a little like this. The whole thought of his body changes makes him squirm. He'd 10 and does know all about this. I would send a letter and ask for him to miss this if it will make him uncomfortable and maybe contact the school nurse so she can do it 1:1 instead? Just incase there's anything he wants to know but is afraid to ask in front of the class.

Greensleeves · 03/06/2009 16:25

I might have a chat with the PHSE person just to talk through why he might have an issue with it - but if he really really doesn't want to do it I would excuse him.

I would want to have some gentle chats with him about why he finds it so difficult, though.

Original poster

cuppateaplease · 03/06/2009 16:28

sorry, forgot to mention that he is 11 and in yr6.
fluffy - glad to know DS isn't the only one to squirm! we haven't got a school nurse, unfortunately, but the SEN lady is lovely - i wonder if she would help. He wont talk to me about it!

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/06/2009 16:36

The practice nurse will also be more then happy to do this. Ds know's all about puberty etc, I trained as a paeds nurse so I've always been availiable to discuss this with him as it's something he should know. He does tend to cover his ears though but he will ask questions when he's ready. The whole 'sex' thing makes him uncomfortable. He even covers his eyes if people are kissing on the TV. It'll all change in a few years so I'm not rushing anything.

Original poster

cuppateaplease · 03/06/2009 16:41

fluffy - 'He even covers his eyes if people are kissing on the TV' made me chuckle - that is so my Ds, he will not watch any lovey bit on telly - he justs looks the other way!

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/06/2009 16:43

I'm fairy certain that all this will change once puberty sets in and he finds girls!!! I'm fine with him not wanting to know just yet, he know's what happens briefly so it shouldn't be too much of a shock. He know's he can ask when he's ready and this is important.

catok · 03/06/2009 22:28

Will he not stand out from the others being removed from class?
My DS with ASD takes everything very literally and has known the 'technical details' for years - he found it interesting to observe which girls were sensible and which were giggly and immature.
He was proud to get a sticker for calling it a penis when most of the others said willy!!
School tend to be matter-of-fact about sex ed - it was the Y6 boy who 'outed' his mother by announcing that she has girlfriends which made me laugh!!

Original poster

cuppateaplease · 04/06/2009 08:57

I've tried the tactic of being the odd one out as I'm worried the others will tease him (he's not good at social skills and does not take teasing well)- but he is still adament about not doing it. I'm more worried now that if I force the issue he will cause a ruckus at school whenever these sessions are on.

OP posts:

oliverboliverbutt · 04/06/2009 09:01

perhaps you should let him cause that ruckus and then he's have to deal with the natural consequences.
Who's to say he will ever come to you with any questions and then he will go on into puberty with no real education regarding sex.
not good.
I'd have him go.

cory · 04/06/2009 09:14

If he was my son and did not have SN, then I'd tell him he would be having the lessons as they are an essential part of the curriculum- and if he misbehaves in class, then he'll have to deal with the consequences; he'll get no sympathy from me

if he has SN, of course that is a totally different situation, and I might well take him out

BonsoirAnna · 04/06/2009 09:18

It's really important that children learn about sex early in life - in fact, I think that if children are displaying squeamishness about sex, they are in all probability those who need sex education lessons most of all.

AMumInScotland · 04/06/2009 09:48

I think it's important that children do the sex education lessons in school, because knowing about the technical side is not enough. He needs to hear about how people feel about sex and puberty and relationships, about how to say no, how to pay attention when a girl says no, how to be confident about issues related to STDs and contraception.

If he squirms when you try to discuss these things, it's even more important that he hears it from someone else, even if he doesn't like the idea

GreatUncleBulgaria · 04/06/2009 09:55

My DD is year 5 and a letter came home recently inviting us along to view the films they would be seeing in Years 5,6,7 & 8.

I've been mopping up after children who haven't given the letter to their parents. The first one sheepishly admitted she hadn't given her Mum the letter when I asked if she'd be going, as she thought if she didn't give it to her and the slip didn't get in then she wouldn't have to see the film (whereas in reality the slip only referred to the film, not to giving permission for the children to watch it).

The other is apparently very good at handing over letters so I suspect was trying to use the same tactic.

I've always been very open with DD on the subject, gently introducing bits over the last few years but she apparently thinks it is "totally disgusting".

Personally I do think they need to have the lessons, it can be very helpful to have someone who isn't your parent explaining things and it is a part of the curriculum that gets built on further up the years.

smee · 04/06/2009 11:42

It's part of normal curriculum, and so a lesson they all be part of. I wouldn't let him stay away, as the more he hides from it, the more embarrassing it becomes. If he sees some of the others are embarrassed too, and others just taking it in their stride it might help normalise it all. After all sex is normal and everyday, so I think it's up to us to be as matter of fact and responsible as we can about it to help them get that.

cat64 · 04/06/2009 12:15

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

cuppateaplease · 04/06/2009 16:21

Have now spoken to his teacher and explained the problem and she has said that most of what is covered is part of the science topic anyway so has to be done. When they watch the DVd she will put him at the back of the classroom and let him take a book in - she knows that he can listen and read at the same time (a male who can multi task!)
She agrees that some children - especially boys - just aren't ready for it at this age. She is happy to take it all easy and see how he progresses.
So sort of meeting DS half way here - he still doesnt want to do it but at least he wasn't so adamant - just had tears

OP posts:

mimsum · 04/06/2009 22:44

ds1 was supposed to do this in y5 - he knew all about the physical side but just wasn't ready for the relationships bit - he's got AS and Tourette's

He did some of the lessons but in each one there came a point when he fell off his chair (literally) with embarrassment and just couldn't cope anymore so his LSA took him out to the library for the rest of the session

fwiw he labelled the diagrams they were given with all the correct terminology, but when they were asked to draw someone of the opposite sex with no clothes on he drew a picture of me getting out of the bath with a towel wrapped round me

maimuna · 05/06/2009 14:18

Hi mimsum,could you contact me re another thread you were on,I am maimuna,I was on the thread with you talking about a school and racism,I will explain all ,I tried messaging you but can't.
Thankyou,M.

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