Which school for DD1

[Kitsilano]

DD1 could go to one of 2 primary schools (both private) and I am worried about making the right decision for her.

School 1 - selective, all girls, very academic, "challenging" - she has been offered a place based on 1.5 hr assessment (at 3.5 yrs old, madness!). A 20 min drive away, no parking outside and I will have dd2 with me for drop off.

School 2 - , really good review in Good Schools guide, girls and boys, great facilities and grounds, relaxed atmosphere, 5 min walk away, 6 other kids in the road go 2 of whom will be in her year BUT has reputation for "rich, thick kids".

Basically I am glad that she has been offered a place at School 1 but I prefer the ethos of School 2 and I want her to mix with boys too at such a young age. Plus it'll be harder to get to. But am I limiting her if she is bright and I send her to a school that might not challenge her enough?

Any thoughts or opinions really appreciated.

I'd go with gut instinct on what you truely, in your heart, feel is the best environment for your DD.

If you prefer the ethos of school 2, I'd go with that.

Especially coupled with it being a 5 minute walk etc.

Also, what would happen if you sent dd1 to school 1 and dd2 wasn't offered a place there?

I'm really torn - could talk myself into either. Part of the appeal of School 2 is it's "neighbourhood" element - I and DD1 will be connected through school to other families in the road who we are already friends with and I fear we will lose that if she goes to the further away school. But is academics and challenging a bright child, letting her fulfill her potential etc etc more important than easy "community"?

Aaargh!

Uriel - that is a very good point. There are no guarantees and I know someone that has happened to who is having to take her DDs to 2 different schools.

No real advice other than to say at that age most children same sex play so I wouldn't make your decision on that basis. School 1 logistically sounds a nightmare. I chose on gut instinct and so far I'm very happy with the decision I made.

I surprised myself with the choice of (state) secondary school for dd1 - not the most academic school around, but it felt right, as soon as you walked in.

Part of my decision was based on her being able to walk to and from school, too.

Just spoke to the headmistress and the academic school and she was (of course) horrified - talked about how bright children can beome bored and disallusioned and that she was AMAZED that anyone who's child had been offered a place at school 1 would even consider sending them to school 2. AAARGH!

Well she would say that

Go with the one you feel is best for your DD. Uriel has good point about what happens to DD2. Personally I'd always go for the one with the better ethos, especially if its so much closer.

school 2. I think 4/5 is too young for single sex education. And I would be put off by Head 1's attitude.

Well, she would say that wouldn't she?!

I would go with school 2 as well. If you like the feel of it then go with your gut.

You say that you know others who go to the school - do they fit the 'thick rich kid' stereotype? What do they think of the school?

I personally think that a bright child will thrive so long as the teaching is good. Does it really matter what the other children in the class are like so long as your DD is doing well?

I think that you need to talk to someone high up in school 2 (head?, deputy at a minimum) and ask what is in place to stretch more able pupils. Explain your concerns (you might want to rephrase what the school is 'known' for of course !), ask how mixed ability classes are dealt with, particularly higher up the school - are children encouraged to go beyond the standard sylabus if appropriate. What is available as extras. etc etc etc.

To me, school 2 sounds the obvious choice to have a happy child and happy mother in terms of the social side and proximity. If you can be reassured about the other things, you won't have a problem!

Thank you mistlethrush - I had just put in a call to the school and your answer has given me some idea of what to actually say.

Thank you mistlethrush - I had just put in a call to the school and your answer has given me some idea of what to actually say.

I hope that they come up with some things to reassure you.

School 2.

I think single sex at 4/5 odd. Also, important that you are happy and the journey sounds a nightmare.

Also, she's 4/5. I wouldn't be too concerned about academic prowess as yet. I think is a big pressure to put a child in an academically selective environment from such an early age.

The headmistress would of course say that . Community is important, and that applies to the whole family - you will be close by, able to get involved, see other parents around, and your dd will have friends in walking distance for when she is older.

Thanks all - this is what I want to hear to be honest - but am having this sudden fear of depriving dd1 of a great academic opportunity for my own convenience and social life!

but if it's that academic are they going to try and help her be a "rounded" child? Very bright children who are socially clueless are not the easiest to get along with IME

Think about your dd's social life. Being able to have her friends over to play after school is a great thing at this age. Academic opportunities will always be around. You can't even know at this age if she will even grow up to be academically inclined.

My experience has not been that the children who seemed very bright at age 3 were necessarily the most academic at 10.

I do love the idea of her having friends in the road and being able to just pop round and play. It's rare to be able to feel that much part of a community in London.

Where do children go to from the local pre-prep/prep at 7+, 11+ and 13+. My DCs went to a co-ed pre-prep that had a repututation as not so academic (DS refused to speak at his assessment for more academic pre-prep aged 2.5!), but the school was great very nuturing and some children left to join more academic schools at 7+. Most pre-prep children transfered to the attached prep school and again some left at 11+ for schools with more academic reputations eg Habs and QE Boys (we are N London), so obviously not disdvantaged by being in "less academic environment". However, the school does stream and set, so the bright children are stretched academically.
So you could choose the less academic and see how she developes. Also DS lacked confidence and so being in top sets and feeling that he is doing well is good for him, whereas the pressure of keeping up with the really high fliers at a really top academic school would have been stressful and demotivated him.
Just my experiences. Please remember you know your DD best and you are obviously making the best decision you can. Also remember that choices made at this stage (if you are in London) are not fixed until she is 18, children can and do move between schools and sectors.

BTW could you cat me the names of the schools?
"Rich, thick kids" has been used disparagingly of DCs pre-prep - and if so is not actually true!

Thanks Constantlycooking - we are in SW London (Barnes) so not the same school as your DS. Both of the schools go all the way from primary to 18 but I think kids do move at various stages to other schools. Certainly at 11+ we would look to move her to a more academic school (if appropriate for her of course).

The schools are Putney High School and Harrodian

Putney is a GDST school isn't it? If so the competition at 11+ could be fierce as they are (at least in N London) cheaper. I would probably try the "less academic school" and if I found it wasn't challenging enough move at 7+ - less competitive and children less stressed than 11. Also you will know your DD better in terms of what sort of school she would like/suit.

Putney traffic is a nightmare in the mornings. Honestly, I would probably go with the Harrodian (although well done to your DD for getting a PHS place -- several of DS's friends who are bright and articulate didn't get in for 2009 entry). I know the Harrodian is 4-18, but if your DD gets to 11 and you don't feel she's being stretched enough academically then you could always move her at 7/8+ or 11+. But at 4 being able to go to a nearby school is important, I think (assuming that there's a good local option).

I really wouldn't stress about this too much. TBH I really don't think Putney High is THAT academic. My DD has just been offered a place at 11+, as have a number of her classmates. I wouldn't say they're all academic high fliers by any means, and we're waiting on replies from other schools that I'd much prefer to send her to. Not quite sure why, but Putney & Wimbledon High seem to have this reputation for being really difficult to get into and only for very clever girls. This honestly isn't my experience (and I know quite a few parents with girls lower down the school as well). I think entry at 4+ is a bit of a lottery.
Go with the school you feel most comfortable with, but don't think that if you do turn down the Putney place that you're depriving your daughter of a really 'challenging' education because I don't think you are. I think Putney is quite rigid in its approach-yes the girls almost all get Level 5 at KS2, but so what?
I'd take the place at Harrodian if you prefer it and re-think at 7+/11+ if necessary.