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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Am I just crap or do other mums get like this?

25 replies

chocolatemummy · 27/01/2009 13:18

I am a student nurse full time, and currently on placement: for those who don't know this means I am working 40(counted and signed off) hours per week, with no pay on hospital wards. I am absolutely knackered at the moment because also got loads of course works to do alongside this and WAS working part time until last week on top(I need the money). Anyway, I am just struggling with the whole homework thing at the moment, not reading with my dd everynight and doing writing book etc, I have got too much to do.I worked last night and when i got in this morning I was fit to drop so I just took over from my dh who went off to work and sat down! I didnt give a shit at that time if my dd was half an hour late for school i just needed to sit down! I took her in at 9.30 am and the teaching staff were really off with me and asked for her reading books and home work. She is only in bloody reception for god sake! give me a break

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Original poster

chocolatemummy · 27/01/2009 13:30

bump

OP posts:

ohmeohmy · 27/01/2009 13:30

You poor thing. Give yourself a break, you are not crap. You are a dedicated hard working mum who is trying to combine motherhood with doing something that will provide you with a career and benefit the whole family in the long run. Nurses get so exploited (my mum is one) and undervalued. Hang in there, do what you can to get some rest and if you need a sit down sod everything else. Something in the paper today about a 45min nap being grest for getting brain and body in gear. Any longer and you go into too deep a sleep and wake up groggy. apparently 1.5hrs good to. hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

ohmeohmy · 27/01/2009 13:30

Watoose · 27/01/2009 13:32

Yes I sometimes forget to do reading

I don't even work

Give ysel a break woman

Watoose · 27/01/2009 13:33

usually in fact

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 27/01/2009 13:35

thankyou, I feel guilty that Im not sitting down every night with my daughter reading etc but I just dont get chance. I felt really uncomfortable this morning and I felt like saying, "actually, she is not late because I am lazy, she is late because I have been working all night for free and I am knackered!"
she has only had one day off school since last september when she was ill and she loves school. Their reaction made me angry

OP posts:

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 27/01/2009 13:36

40 hrs and not paid??? . Have a break you deserve one - i think nurses are fab

chegirl · 27/01/2009 13:37

No you are not bloody crap.

I used to be totally, utterly set on getting my kids to school on time. I HATED it if they were late or didnt have a book or something. They used to get a certificate every bloody term!

Something then happened that made me realise that, yes its important to be punctual, organised etc, but its not EVERYTHING.

My DD got sick. I had to change my priorities and no the world did not fall apart and my other kids did not forget how to read or become delinquents just because LO was late to nursery and I didnt have time to read to DS1 everyday.

You are working hard to give you and your family and good and decent life. If your child is a little late to school every so often so what.

I worked in reception and there were kids who strolled in at 11am every other day just because their parents couldnt be arsed to get them to school on time.

Every school has parents like that so your LO's school should flippen well know the difference.

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 27/01/2009 13:38

we have to do 20 weeks per year on placement unpaid and the rest of time at university. I dont think teachers realise how busy some parents are and that although we would love to be home everynight with dinner on the table and homework books out its just not possible

OP posts:

Niftyblue · 27/01/2009 13:45

Give yourself a break and don`t feel
bad
You should of said that to the teacher

We all get like this
YOU only have one pair of hands and can`t be in two places at once

I am a SAHM and don`t always do dc reading every night....

YeToxicHighRoad · 27/01/2009 13:54

Why don't you drop a note in with her books tomorrow, not being sarky or defensive, just saying, sorry x was late yesterday; this is why, and this is also why she sometimes might not do her reading etc.
If you are gushingly alologetic enough, they should not only feel like the heels they undoubtedly behaved as, they should also be more understanding next time it happens.
Btw, I'm a SAHM of three, and my homework/ reading rate falls way below 100%.

imaginaryfriend · 27/01/2009 14:05

Can you farm the reading / homework out to someone else to do with your dd? Whoever is picking her up for instance? Is your time more free at the weekends to do things?

Having said that I'm totally against homework in Reception in any case. Dd never brought anything home except a reading book.

imaginaryfriend · 27/01/2009 14:06

BTW my brother's a nurse and even though he's long qualified he's still always run ragged by his job. He's told me many times that at the end of a 12-hour shift he'll suddenly remember he hasn't even stopped for a drink of water all day

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 27/01/2009 14:33

thanks for all your support, feeling bit calmer now, almost time to pick her up now. I will see what they are like then. I am dreading what it will be like later if they are this full on in reception

OP posts:

ladycornyofsilke · 27/01/2009 14:36

I struggle with time for my ds's and I am only part-time. I would aim to do 5 mins reading at bedtime and only fit in the rest if you can. Your dd will be knackered as well. Homework in reception is silly anyway.

mumto2andnomore · 27/01/2009 16:39

I dont agree with formal homework in Reception either and Im a teacher. It is a shame if no one has time to read with your daughter though, couldnt her dad have spent 5 minutes doing it ? The start of the day is important for young children, they do need routine. Saying that I wouldnt have been off with you if it was the first time-my head would have been though !

MollieO · 27/01/2009 17:15

Can't your dh do the homework with your dd? It is hard combining full time work and school commitments so you have my sympathy. Sometimes I don't get home before ds is in bed so he does homework with babysitter. His teacher understands that I am a single mum with a full time job and a long commute so appreciates there are times ds doesn't get homework done. Maybe it is worth talking to your dd's teacher to explain if you can't get dh or someone else to help.

compo · 27/01/2009 17:19

do you use a childminder? maybe they would have time to help her with her reaing? or a gradnparent at the weekend?

aGalChangedHerName · 27/01/2009 17:21

What was your DH doing? Could he not have done any homework with her?

Everhopeful · 27/01/2009 17:32

I've had to have the homework discussion with DH for DD. We're late time and again, as the concept of late is lost on DD. DH insists on washing up before doing anything. I'm grateful I have someone doing washing up, but we have a dishwasher and I'd rather he did her spellings iwth her, or her maths. She's in Year 2, so at least we're sort of ready - they used to do the odd thing in reception, but nothing much and I agree that's as it should be. Schools just seem to see it as their job to give parents (especially working ones) a hard time about everything. Hers is pretty snotty about a lot of things. I don't think it hurts her that much to miss register, but even the other kids pick on her and sometimes their parents too and I hate that. Was proud of DH for giving hard time to one snooty SAHM (well, she works one day a week)! I pretty well only see DD to take her to school during the week , so haven't much hope of doing her homework with her and I have been trying, but she has to sleep sometime. School totally disinterested, they reckon you should be at home, but we can't afford for me to be, so tough.

mumnotarobot · 27/01/2009 18:22

I know im probably going to get mobbed for saying this... but i just want to say its admirable to see a mum dedicated to wanting a career and be financially better off.
But what is the point if the motivation behind what we do is not the first thing which gets taken care off. Before everyone goes off the handle i am NOT saying i am perfect and neither am i saying you are crap my dear. I am just saying us mums arent superhumans. You need to think about your priorites and set them out.
You dropping dead aint going to help your dd or the patients. You need time for your dd and most importantly YOU.
As for the reading and the school, they were a little harsh and there was no need to go off in that way.

I dont read to my son every night and that doesnt make me a crap mum. But just make sure you have time for her ok, so she doesnt resent you in later life. I hope you appreciate my honesty.
give yourself a break...literally

chegirl · 27/01/2009 21:38

You cannot really avoid the long hours whilst you are a student. Once the OP is qualified she will be able to go agency or do 3 long days. This will give her much more time with LO.

I dont see she has much option at the moment unless she gives up her course. We are short on nurses as it is. I know that even a couple of years is a long time in a LO's life but it is still relatively short term hassle for long term gain.

wrinklytum · 27/01/2009 21:48

Give yourself a break,Chocmummy.

I was a student nurse before dc and it exhausted me then.

ds is in reception and has homework.Its mad!!

I would have a word with the teacher and try to explain about the hours.It is REALLY hard doing shiftwork (Often with no pattern,so you can do nights then have a quick turnover back on days.Its brutal)Also remember as well as the physical exhaustion nursing is emotionally tiring,especially when you are going from placement to placement,having to fit in in new areas,and it depends a lot on how supportive/unsupportive your area is(I've been there).Could you negotiate with your dh re the homework issue,or look at the rostering and say to the teacher that you WILL do the hw but do it on the days you are off?

Look after yourself.None of us are superhuman xxTake care,Wrinkly x

Everhopeful · 28/01/2009 11:38

I agree - Chocmummy a hero for even thinking about doing the job ! One of my sisters was a nurse and managed to spend a lot of time with her kids as a result (ok, often at the expense of sleep), but she qualified before they were born, so that was a bit easier on her than on you. I've done shiftwork too and you're in a parallel universe when that's going on, school just needs to understand that. Most of the world, kids don't start school till 6 and don't get homework before 7, so why are we so obsessed in UK with the idea our kids will suffer if they don't do it from age 4? Childhoods out of fashion, IMO.

Katiestar · 29/01/2009 11:33

I would explain to the school that you don't have time to do homework with your DD at the moment and they will have to hear her read at school.They are the ones being paid to educate her after all.

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