I find it really hard to help DD (Yr1) to read, please give me some tips!

[oneplusone]

I find myself getting really angry/impatient/frustrated with DD when trying to help her to read at home. She brings home really simple books and seems really inconsistent with what she knows. Sometimes she sounds out all the words and seems really on the ball, other times she can't sound out the simplest words, forgets a word she has already read on the previous page.

Is this normal? If it is then perhaps i will be able to not get frustrated with her. I am really scared of putting her off reading altogether because of my 'attitude' which I can't seem to control, but then if i don't read with her i feel guilty that i'm not supporting her enough.

Please help. (Btw she is one of the youngest in her class, an August baby).

Yes it sounds normal, sometimes she might be tired or just not in the mood.
Let her read to you when you feel relaxed, or just read stories to her, thats just as important at this stage.

sounds just my dd and I feel myself getting cross.. i try not to though as I know that won't help. She is on level 2 ORT. Tonight she read Kipper's Balloon.. and it was fairly painful the first time but second reading was ok. I always tell her to look at the pictures to try and guess the words if she is stuck. Sometimes she forgets words she's been reading since reception.. it is very frustrating!

hi mumto2, thank you for your words of reassurance. Trouble was i was in a good mood today which is why we started the reading in the first place. But it very quickly put me in a bad mood as she just doesn't seem to concentrate or focus or remember. Am i expecting too much?

What is difficult is that DS who is 2.6 seems so bright and knows so much already, seems really keen to learn and really quick to pick things up. Spending time with him is a totally different experience, i actually enjoy it and never get frustrated.

Perhaps i have been expecting DD to be the same as DS when she clearly isn't.

I don't need to speak to her teacher then do i? I think i probably will anyway just to put my mind at rest.

I do read to them both at bedtime and she seems to love that which is good.

If ds comes to aword that he read perfectly well on a previous page I turn back and say 'what did it say there' or some such and he usually gets it. I lack patience too, but just grit my teeth and get him to 'spell words out'. Agree that timing is also key - if he's not in the mood its torture

hi molly, yes it is very frustrating. I suppose if i knew what i should be able to expect from her then i wouldn't get so mad. Think i definately need to speak to the teacher to find out if DD is within the 'normal' range.

In hindsight she probably was tired today as she has a bit of a cold and we were reading just before bedtime.

i think it is within the normal range, I am not unduly worried atm. my dd is also august and alot younger than some of the others.. some of he friends are on level 4 though so i think my frustration is i feel she is far behind them.. when she is a bright child IMO. I hope it will click better in time and with more practice..

If he/she doesnt want to read let them be,and come back to it another day. They could be tired it is such a long day for these little people.They do so much at school and learn so much{more than we think they do}.Try not to push them at this stage they all devolop at different stages.
Just try and relax about it, they wont feel your tenseness and then they will try of there own accord.

Have you tried reading out loud together ?

This might give her confidence as some times children are unsure of the words and can get embarrassed if they make mistakes.

My eldest has gained more confidence with reading out loud together.

Have you asked at school? At my Dd's school they have a better reading partnership giving parents help and advice on reading with their child.

Rather than speaking to the teacher, can't you write comments in her reading diary? I find it an excellent way of communicating with dd's teacher without having to make a 'deal' of it by going to speak to her.

Reading is the subject of my MSc and I am looking at the utterly amazing Headsprout online reading programme

If you have £100 to spare i can't recommend it highly enough. Your child will learn more than she ever will in tortuous sessions like that you describe.

Please don't stress. Just carry on what you are doing, Go through the book together before bedtime, whether you or she reads it it really doesn't matter. Just try to let her know that books are fun and should be enjoyed.

She is only in year 1. My DD didn't reach her average reading level until the beginning of year 4. Now aged 14 she is an avid booklover and doing great in English etc. Come on the A*s. Some children just need a little bit of encouragement.

I can remember peeking at her classmates reading book and even her report. It was the one day I brought her back from school . The teacher commented how clever DD's friend was, how advanced in her reading. Remember thinking Oh Shit, DD is nothing like this. Fast forward 10 years and clever girl is below average, lovely though, and DD is spurts ahead. However, it's what you do with it that counts.

That sounds normal.
My ds only just getting into the routine of having to read to me every day after having such a long break from it during the summer. The 1st 3wks were really frustrating as ds would read 2/3 words then get totally sidetracked & talk about something totally irrelevent to the story.
What I did was read a page back to him reading only 2/3 words myself before talking about something irrelevent so he could see how frustrating it was for me & this worked. Ds explained that he had forgotten some of the words he'd learn't in reception (not suprisingly after such a long break) & we came to an agreement that if he was stuck or had forgotten a word to tell me so I could help him which he now does.
We talk about the pictures before we read the words I ask questions about what he can see, What he think might happen I find that he enjoys doing this, then we read the words(sounding out letters if he gets stuck) then we talk about whether what we thought was going to happen when we looked at the pictures happened so ds gets an understanding that words can convey a different message to pictures.
Ds just started on level 5 Ginn books 32 pages in each book we read about 8 pages each time we read which takes 30mins but I was concerned that he was only getting through 1 book a week & we were reading for 2hrs a wk after school which seemed a lot considering the government recommends only doing 1hr a wk homework with yr1 children reading included. The teacher was great explained that now he's on harder books & has comprehension questions to answer he can keep 1 book for 2wks which takes the pressure off both of us. As I was feeling we had to read every night to get the book finished and sometimes ds was tired after being at school & had other homework.
So speak to the teacher see how long you are expected to keep a book it maybe that dd doesnt need to read to you every night & when she does she might enjoy it more.

Hi all, thanks for all your responses.

I am ashamed to say that part of the problem is that I am a person who is quite quick to grasp things and I seem to pick things up quite quickly. And so I just cannot understand why DD cannot read a word when she just read it literlly 5 seconds ago. Or when she has trouble sounding out a simple 2 letter word she has probably already come across hundreds of times.

Also, when she was at kindergarten her teacher there said she was a bit confused about DD as she would sometimes be word perfect in reading a book but the next day she would have forgotten it all. My mother was a primary school teacher but she only taught pupils with special needs and those for whom English was not their first language. I remember her saying it was hardest to teach those pupils who seemed unable to retain anything as it seemed like you were starting at the beginning over and over again instead of making progress over time. I think I am a bit scared DD might be one of those children, with learning difficulties which hasn't been picked up on perhaps because she is very chatty and quite mature in other ways eg her social skills.

Am I paranoid/mad/expecting too much?

dd is an August baby too so and she seems to have no concept that letters make words and I can't understand how she just doesn't get it and it drives me nuts.

Then I remember that ds was like this last year and there is just a point at which it kind of clicked. However, I did actually sop reading with him for a while as it was counter productive for both of us. If you reading with her is leading to you being bad tempered (and it certainly has that effect on me) I would leave it for a while. With dd I have gone back to letter sounds.

She and you sound quite normal to me - just like our house in fact. Perhaps we are all odd too?

Thanks goosey, that's exactly it, I can't understand how DD just doesn't seem to get it and it drives me insane!

I think I will leave it, perhaps ask DH to read with her as he has far more patience than me.

I just remember that I learnt to read at a very early age and have been a bookworm ever since and I just can't understand how DD can't pick up something that is second nature to me. That is why I could NEVER be a teacher, hats off to them!

Hi again goosey, we in our house are definately odd!

I also get frustrated when she writes her numbers out wrongly ie getting the 2,3,5 and 9 back to front. She is left handed as well so I do kind of understand this mistake but it still (secretly) infuriates me!

Do Not Worry!

All this is completely normal.

DS made no progress in reading until

a) they had done all the proper blended phonics in class
b) I found out that we were supposed to be reading with them - i.e if they are stuck on a word, just read it for them and allow them to continue with the sense / sory
c) I started reading the book through once to him - again this was recomemded by the school.

ORT works largely by word recognition, so you would expect them to be halting to begin with, and not able to sound out all words.

Honestly - DS took ages to 'click' - probably not until Yr 2 - but this morning (he is now Yr 3) he was sitting up in bed reading great chunks of complicated Hindu philosophy from an adult book.

6 is generally thought to be the age for cracking reading (whatetver you might believe from reading MN ) and your DD is only just 5!!

thanks blu, i think my fears are receding now. (For today anyway!)

Gosh Blu - I had no idea that you were supposed to read the word for them if they couldn't - I have always gone through a very tortuous process of getting them to it [lightbulb going on emoticon].

I can see now whay I may find the exercise harder than others!

This sounds entirely normal. She is learning the "code" and some days it easy for her to remember and sometimes it's harder. So of course they forget a word that was only just the page before because it's not "stuck" yet - that's why it's often repeated several times in one story to help them. I'm like you - get incredibly frustrated and annoyed sometimes and then other times I can tease my DD about it.

I try to think what I would be like if I was asked to memorise chinese characters and how many I'd remember faithfully having turned the page.

For what it's worth, according to the ORT "tree", kids should be on level 2 at the end of YR and level 5 at the end of year 1. If some were on level 4 at the end of YR they are above average. Your dd is average or better - don't worry.

ladypen, thank you for your comment about imagining you were trying to learn to read chinese, that really struck me and has helped me to realise how it must be for DD to learn to read. I can already feel my frustration disappearing.

goosey, me too! I had no idea you had to read the word for them, I have been trying to 'teach' DD without the 4 years of learning how to teach behind me that her actual teachers have. And feeling a bit miffed at the same time that the school expects me to somehow know how to teach when I haven't had any training. I wish the school was more specific about what 'listening to DD read at home' actually means in practise. Will perhaps raise this issue with them.