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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Is this been too harsh on my dd

23 replies

nwmum · 29/09/2008 21:00

Just over a week ago dd's teacher mentioned that she was chatting in class and not finishing all the work set ie she was starting but not completing the extension work. I told dd that her teacher had said that she was going to be very hard on her chatting so to stop. I even suggest that if she was good and didn't chat and completed her work I'd give her a sticker and when she had twenty (any gained at school count)she could go and buy this book she really really wants. Anyway, dd has spent last week telling me she's has been doing well no chatting! and finishing her work 1st.

Tonight it turns out in big trouble today for chatting and she was chatting last week and not finishing her work. I have said that I'm annoyed she has lied and not happy she's chatting so tomorrow I will ask her teacher how her work is and she cannot go to a party this saturday. DD is 5yrs old and in yr1. Is it unfair to say she can't go? How else do I get her to stop?

thanks for reading.

OP posts:

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cornsilk · 29/09/2008 21:02

you can't - she's 5.

CarGirl · 29/09/2008 21:04

She's only 5 I think you need to lower your expectations.

FabioAsGoodAsItGets · 29/09/2008 21:04

You are being unfair.
The party is not related to the chatting and it makes no sense.

Ask the teacher how you can support the teacher helping dd to stop talking in class. Stickers are a good idea but you shouldn't trust the word of a 5 year old.

sleepycat · 29/09/2008 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 29/09/2008 21:06

write on her hands

left hand 'Don't'
right hand 'Chat'

gives her a reminder throughout the day .. don't force her just suggest it as a joke

teach her to put her finger to her lips when sitting on the carpet (or wherever they sit) again to remind herself not to talk.

ask teacher to give her stickers for trying hard .. and warnings for chatting

don't let it spill over into homelife .. that's not fair

thisisyesterday · 29/09/2008 21:07

yeah it is unfair. and the teacher is being a twit too.
girls chat. especially 5 year old girls.

she is FIVE! of course she will chat.
school shouldn't be about finishing your work at that age.

god.

WideWebWitch · 29/09/2008 21:07

Let teacher deal with it. Not letting her go to a party is harsh imo

Mutt · 29/09/2008 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

footballsgalore · 29/09/2008 21:08

5 is nuch too young to have a concept of getting on and not chatting. They are really just babies at this age and should be doing lots of practical learning anyway. If she is being expected to sit at a desk and complete pencil/paper activities for long periods without talking it seems a bit harsh. She is after all, just out of a Reception play based day isn't she? However, if she is talking her way through exciting practical stuff and not taking a blind bit of notice of it then her teacher may need to find a new approach!

mazzystar · 29/09/2008 21:09

very unfair
you offered a carrot. she didn't achieve so no book
very mean to not let her go to party

hana · 29/09/2008 21:11

I don't think saying things like 'let the teacher deal with it, it's their job' is very helpful - school isn't isolated from home

I would ask the teacher if you could have some sort of home/school book that records good and bad things that happen during the day - you can read and sign and so can teacher.

not going to the party is a bit harsh - save things like that for Very Big Things

LynetteScavo · 29/09/2008 21:12

Oh blimey! Only 5 and being told off for chatting and not working.This makes me

If you don't let her go to the party, she might continue to lie about things which happen at school in the future, to make sure she's not punished at home.

footballsgalore · 29/09/2008 21:15

lynetteScavo me too. A friend's DD was told after 1 week in Year 1 that 'You are not in Reception any more so stop talking'! and more

Heated · 29/09/2008 21:16

It is rather punishing her twice iyswim, especially given she's only 5. It's good to be supportive of the school and your dd's education but let the teacher show your dd it has consequences.

More important to me would be the fibbing and if you attach such big stakes to it at home (like rewards and punishment) then she may well fib/ or just try to please you by telling you what you want to hear or in her eyes she does think she trying! I would try friendly chats about school and sympathise with how hard it is not to talk, maybe will encourage her to confide the truth?

mollymawk · 29/09/2008 21:22

I agree - don't ban the party. It would be such an irretrievable loss for her. And anyway it won't work - all she will remember is "I'm so upset Mummy wouldn't let me go to the party" and forget why you did it.

Original poster

nwmum · 29/09/2008 21:32

thanks, now I'm calmer I've realised that banning the party is not fair. The thing that got me was the fibbing! I think we just have a chat like heated suggested and a quick word with the teacher to check she's ok and leave the rest to the teacher. The teacher is excellent and more than capable of handling it.

OP posts:

seeker · 30/09/2008 00:32

She probably wasn't even really fibbing - she's 5. She probably doesn't even remember chatting, or even being told off.

I would question a 5 year old being "in big trouble" for chatting. What does "big trouble" mean for a little almost baby like this?

Original poster

nwmum · 30/09/2008 00:44

big trouble means having to stand next to the teacher's desk for a set time period. If the headmistress should enter the room while you're there, you get another telling off .

OP posts:

seeker · 30/09/2008 00:53

OUTRAGEOUS. She's 5!!!

solidgoldbrass · 30/09/2008 00:57

Has it occurred to you that the teacher might be crap and the lessons boring and badly organised? Support school discipline to a reasonable extent but don't add home punishments for minor offences (and FFS chatting is not a big deal. SHe's not stealing, or bullying, or setting fire to the school.)

NappiesGalore · 30/09/2008 00:58

man, and i thought my school was harsh

NappiesGalore · 30/09/2008 00:59

chatting?
you gonna shoot the child for having a personality?
wow

bellavita · 30/09/2008 08:57

DS2 has a "big" personality - he likes to chat and he fidgets. We both had a horrible Yr1 - the teacher actually came out to me after school and said Master bellavita has been fidgeting today in class, can you tell him to stop... wtf?

He had a fantastic teacher in Yr2 who "totally got" Ds and he came on in leaps and bounds

He has got better with maturity, but can forget himself he is now in Yr4.

They have a traffic light system in place now, if you get to red then you have to go sit in another class for a short period of time, or miss break.

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