DD doesn't start school til next year and is already terrified at the prospect

[MollyCherry]

She's just turned 4 so will be one of the oldest and is pretty bright, but she took about 4 months to settle at nursery last year and still has off days, especially on the day her best friend is not there. Am going to look at 2 schools with her next week and hope to get her in the same one as her BF although we are not in the catchment. If she has to start Reception not knowing anyone I dread to think about the hassle we'll have and impact it may have on her educationally. She's been playing up for the last few days and told my mum this morning it was 'cos she's worried about going to big school. We have tried reassuring her that it's not for ages/will be fun to learn new things (she loves books/writing etc now) and she'll make lots of lovely new friends but doesn't seem to help. Has anyone else been through this or got any suggestions?

bump!

Don't make a big deal about it or talk about it lots as it's a whole year away and she'll change massively in that time. Most schools do an induction programme, so if she's not with her friend you could meet other parents and children and try and arrange some play dates so she doesn't start not knowing anyone.

Go to every school event that you can - find out if there's a jumble sale, school fete etc. Every opportunity to make the school seem a fun place to go.

"She's been playing up for the last few days and told my mum this morning it was 'cos she's worried about going to big school. "

oh fgs she is four

don't take her to the schools to look if it is upsetting her so much, go on your own

there is a whole year to go yet - " If she has to start Reception not knowing anyone I dread to think about the hassle we'll have" it sounds as though you are stressing about it already and that will impact on her

chill out, stop pushing it. Let her enjoy nursery. there's 12 months.

Cappuccino has a point. In a year's time she will be somebody totally different,they change a lot at this age, things that seem scary to her now won't necessarily seem scary then. It is way too early to worry about this! And it is dangerous to start thinking about the hassle you think will happen; you risk projecting your fears onto her which you want to avoid at all costs.

You can even tell her that: 'when you start school you'll have grown up a lot and then it won't seem so scary'.

I wouldn't take her to see the schools tbh - certainly not on the first visit anyway. It might stress her out more, and it's not really her decision, at 4, is it?

Agree... def don't take her on visits. Do what I said before - the school fete will make it seem like a fun place to go. She wouldn't be stressing like this if you hadn't talked about her going to school. If she has older friends and goes to meet them from school it will just start to seem like a natural part of life... which it is.

If you stop going on about school she will stop stressing. Imagine if she knows that you tolde your mum she is behaving badly because she's so worried. That will make her think she's got something to be worried about!

FWIW, my DD1 used to cry at nursery, even up to the end of the time she was there, and had one particular friend she was glued to. She grew up a lot over the summer before she started school, and has never once cried on going in, even though her best friend from nursery went to a different school.

If there is a pre-school attached to the school she gets a place in I would definitely try and get her in there for a term.
My ds did one term in pre-school and that sorted all the anxiety. He's been great since he started in reception as he already knows most of the kids.
It was a little bit awkward in terms of the opening hours compared to nursery but it was worth it.