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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Tonight DD1 started crying about going back to school. I can't stand another year of tears.

17 replies

tortoise · 02/09/2008 21:53

She cried nearly every morning in Reception last year.
At the end of term she was looking forward to class 1. Then tonight she started crying again.

She says she hates school. (She is doing really well and school say she was fine after i left her in reception)

She says she will miss me. (seems to be her only reason for not wanting to go.)

What can i do to make going to school a happier thing for her? She goes back Thursday. DD2 starts reception Monday.

I really can't take another year of her being the only child who won't go into school without crying. It upsets me so much.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AvenaLife · 02/09/2008 21:56

Can't you give her a little picture of you to put in her pencil case so she can look at it when she misses you? Write on the back that you are not far away and you will be there for her at home time.

Original poster

tortoise · 02/09/2008 21:59

Thanks, I could probaly put one in her draw. they don't take pencil cases in class 1.

OP posts:

AvenaLife · 02/09/2008 22:01

How about one for her pocket? If they allow them to wear a necklace how about a locket. If you get one aswell, you can put each others pictures inside and will be close to each others heart.

Original poster

tortoise · 02/09/2008 22:04

That is a lovely idea, but doubt she would be allowed to wear one.
Photo in her pocket may help.

OP posts:

psychomum5 · 02/09/2008 22:11

talk to the teacher. and your DD. state to your DD that she does need to go to school so is there anything that will make it easier on her, ie, taking her blankie/comforter or a picture of you put up......or even just going in holding her teachers hand.

with my DD2, we had a whole year of reception with tears, and they started again in yr 1..............I spoke to her teacher, and she in turn spoke to DD2, and all it was (I say 'all', but in a 5yo it was a huge problem), was that in the bustle of going in, she felt too squished to be able to say bye bye to me properly. so, the teacher held her hand, I said goodbye, and she then went in feeling protected my the teacher from the bustle, and happy that she had had a proper hug from me.

it may be enough.

with my DS2 however, I am still trying new ways to get him in happy.......today starting back (now yr2), it was a ben10 book bribe.

it worked tho...........he went in sad, and holding the teacher, but no screaming and pealing him from me.

Twiglett · 02/09/2008 22:13

how about the toddler trick of giving her something she knows is special to you that you wear a lot and ask her to look after it till you pick her up again .. like your watch or favourite bracelet

if you wear perfume spray some on her wrist / a handkerchief

stay positive and cheery and don't let her see it bothers you at all .. you can be upset when she's out of sight but matter of fact all the way "you will go, you have to go, no point crying" etc

Original poster

tortoise · 02/09/2008 22:21

Thanks. Some good ideas there.
I will have a chat with her tomorrow.

I don't let he see how sad it makes me and try to stay tough with her. I won't be able to hang around with her crying when i have to get DD2 to her class. DD2 says she won't cry like DD1 does lol!

OP posts:

chapstickchick · 02/09/2008 22:23

i used to put a lipstic kiss mark on ds1 hnd so he knew i loved him all day

LuLuMacGloo · 02/09/2008 22:26

If you like the teacher and trust her/him to be able to handle it I would have a word and ask for help. If the teacher has a word with dd it might help to break the crying habit (sorry if that sounds cruel but it does sound as if it has become a 'habit'). Totally sympathise though - ds was the same and it drove me mad - he bawled his head off going in, then within seconds was happy as Larry while I was broken hearted all morning. I do know how hard it can be.

Original poster

tortoise · 02/09/2008 22:29

Thanks lulu. I think that is exactly what it is, a habit. I tried just handing her to the teacher and just leaving last year but i hated doing it. It was easier than peeling her off though!

OP posts:

Twiglett · 02/09/2008 22:35

I know you know this .. but she's still really young and is allowed to cry .. althoguh I'm sure it's annoying as hell / upsetting as hell

she won't be doing it at 11 .. ne'er you worry

Original poster

tortoise · 02/09/2008 22:41

Thanks twig. Knowing my luck she will be the only one crying starting secondry school Lol!

OP posts:

psychomum5 · 02/09/2008 22:48

hate to spoil any illusions on not still crying at 11.

MIL regularly tells me about DH crying on the first day of every single term, right up until he left school.

he also remembers........which makes me feel sooooo confident about DS2 (clone of DH in many ways apparently.....not one eensy bit of my DNA in him I don;t think).

still, they did not have ben10 back then did they....!!!

however, I do wonder if MIL being a mum of the 70's did not help as I am sure she told him 'boys don;t cry', which I wonder might have made him worse as he then cried more thinking he was 'wrong' in some ways. I don;t know, but it does make me try harder to ensure that my children know it is ok to cry, but I help them find a way to cope without making them feel as tho they are 'wrong' IYGWIM.

and if it helps.......DD2 is now 12 and loves going to school!!!

SkinnyMalinkyToo · 04/09/2008 13:03

Just came across this when searching for solutions to my DS1 crying at school. He's just started and cries in the morning, at lunchtime and whenever anything new happens.

To make things worse one of his (so called) friends have started to call him names such as cry-baby and says he doesn't want to play with him anymore. My DS1 doesn't know anyone else in his class.

Some of the ideas such as a picture sound good but I'm worried that if this other boy sees this it may make things worse.

People keep on saying that he will settle in time but it breaks my heart at the moment to know he's getting upset.

Runnerbean · 04/09/2008 19:04

This is probably a really stupid thing to say, but you do know you don't have to send your child to school.
Obviously if you work then you don't have that option, i just want you to know there is another option- Home education.

Original poster

tortoise · 04/09/2008 22:18

DD1 went into school fairly happily, no tears. She had a little photo of me with her which did seem to help her feel happy. Hope it lasts!

RunnerBean I would LOVE to H.ED but i really don't think i have the skills needed for that.

SkinnyM Poor boy. If he has just started in Reception hopefully it will get better for him. It is heart breaking when they cry. I hated leaving DD1 last year.

OP posts:

Runnerbean · 05/09/2008 09:29

tortoise,
you don't need any skills!
Just to be a loving mum who loves being around your kids.
Children are then free to 'learn' about the world around them at their pace, with no pressures, or testing.
It doesn't have to be forever either, just until your dd is confident enough and old enough to skip off to school.
Unlike many other countries the uk sends their kids off to school far too young, and then we wonder why they can't cope!
Check out

www.education-otherwise.co.uk

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