Has anyone found a way to help a child with possible autistic traits to learn social communication skills, go with the flow and grow a lot more confidence?
Our 8 year old son has again felt unable to go into school. This is possibly the 20th time over the last 3 years we have been unable to get him to attend school. We are beside ourselves. Have tried everything except changing school. When it first began happening, we variously lost our sh*t but also attempted to listen. The meltdowns were full body convulsions that lasted 2 hours. We have since tried removing privileges, which has worked on occasion but caused vast rifts in the relationship & didn't resolve the underlying issues which keep returning. School has given him social communication games to try to learn these skills but he still ends up excluded from games or feeling like he has no agency or at least fun in any play. He was recently being bullied but they got the other child to apologise and it seems to have resolved it, but today's refusal came with a discussion about how his other friends never let him make up the rules and often exclude him. I suspect, knowing him, that he gets extremely worked up, and stops flow in games which then makes him someone people don't really want to play with.
He has often had kids to knock on around our streets but never bezzies and there are often fallings out. As a person who suffered much the same as a kid (and even as an adult - missing social communication cues, feeling the odd one out) I know something of what he's going through. I just don't know what to do.
He hates school - buries himself in a lot of tv at home, finds dinner table conversation with me and his dad very difficult; preferring to be silly and pull funny faces; desperately wants to be among other children but feels very anxious about clubs so doesn't really do them. ASC at school is huge and noisy and smelly - the whole of school is huge.
He doesn't seem to be enjoying learning there either.
As someone with a similar profile - find large groups hard work, feel the odd one out, have extremely noisy negative voices in my head (my mother's traumas have also had a huge impact on my life & we are recently estranged), I do not seem to have the capacity to be an inspiration or leader to help him change his mindset - I am constantly fighting (internally) to be a more positive, can do person but I am naturally a worrier and find it extremely hard to know what to say in this situation. I have spent a small fortune on therapy for myself and we currently work with a clinical psychologist to help us with parenting but can only afford an hour once a month so there's limited amounts we seem to achieve.
Has anyone gone through this and come out the other side? Do we change school? Is there any communication coaching available that I haven't found? We can't afford private school so options are limited.
Huge thanks in advance for reading all this and offering your advice.