Choosing school is causing so much stress

[EagerGreenShaker]

The time has come to register my son for primary school and choosing between 2 is causing me so much stress.

My son is currently in preschool in the next village which is 5 minutes drive away and has a primary school attached to it. My son spends time in the school every week and everyone seems lovely. Always get good vibes from it and it has very good report from the commission report. This will also be the school where all the other kids in my son’s preschool go to.

In our own village, we have a primary school that is couple of minutes walk from the house but not only will he not know anyone going into school but the school also doesn’t get as good a report.

I’m totally torn with what to do. I want to send him to the further away better school with his friends but then I also worry about him making friends in our village. There’s also things like him never getting to walk to school with friends and even if he makes friends with kids in our village then they’ll be hanging around and chatting about stuff going on in school and getting excited about things that he will not be part of.

If going to school in the other village then he would already have some school friends but visiting their house or to want to go out play with them would involve arranged times and drop offs. He can’t just pop to their house or then come to ours.

I wish I had a crystal ball to see how it would work out in 5 years time.

Don't overthink, in Scotland almost everyone goes to the closest one. The head of the better one could move . Local is healthier, walking to school, local friends, part of the community.

Toss a coin. If a decision is this difficult both options are good enough. FWIW all things being equal I’d go for nearest to home.

They both sound like good options. I'd probably stick with the one that's a five minute drive away and enrol him in a local club so he can meet local friends through a hobby. Best of both worlds!

I'd also consider the fact that if you're considering going outside of the village for a better school then so will others. I think it's a bit mad to think that every other local child will go to the local school and that you're the only family with this dilemma!

A 5 minute drive seems pretty local to me.

Will he be offered a place at the more distant school? Where does he rank against its oversibscription criteria?

This.

I always think it sounds such a palaver choosing schools in England.

Mine just went to their catchment schools, as will my grandson next August.

Have you looked around them both?

I'd personally go for the school that's a 5 minute drive away. It sounds like a better school and better fit for your son.

No brainer. Better school 5-mins away where he already knows everyone. So long as you know you've got a great shot at admission by distance, put that first. Arranged times for playdates is fine. Does the school have any afterschool clubs? That's another way to get some social time in with friends who live a little distance away. Plus, he won't even be allowed to walk to school or home without adult supervision until Year 5 probably at least. That's more a secondary school thing I think.

You can foster relationships with the kids in the village by chatting to parents and setting up playdates, sending him to a very local club on a weekend, etc. It'll be good for him to have different groups of friends he can retreat to if there's ever any argy bargy in either one. My DD (4) has loads of mates who don't go to her school. She either met them in the local park, clubs, or classes. You have to make an effort but it's doable!

5 min away in car is a local school.

I definitely understand your dilemma because being able to walk to school is a huge bonus.
But in your situation I’d choose the school he’s at now for playschool.
5 mins drive is nothing and a lot of kids in your village will also probably go to that school anyway, and if not it’s hardly a huge distance for play dates.
Also when they get to secondary a lot of kids from both schools will end up in the same place and he may make different friends then.

I always think you should walk to a primary school if you can. The walk to school is so joyful when they meet their buddies along the way, and you will make mum friends easily. They can scoot, cycle etc. Driving to a primary school seems so unnecessary and stressful, you'll be doing 4 trips daily for the next 7 years.

I'd stick with the nursery one. It sounds lovely. They'll probably all go to the same secondary anyway

Are you in the UK? I’ve never heard of anyone mention a commission report before. Most people just say Ofsted.

Have you actually visited your village school? What was it like?

And what does "doesn’t get as good a report" actually mean? What was in the detail of the Ofsted report? (Not just "good" Vs"outstanding" etc)

There's some key information missing from your post. What do YOU think about the local school? Ofsted reports are not the be all and end all. You need to visit and form your own opinion.

If you like the feel and can imagine it suiting your child/family, then I would advise the local school as there are so many positives to attending your local school (many of which you acknowledge yourself). Ofsted don't value and look for the same things parents necessarily do. Personally, I wouldn't pick a school based purely on the fact it has a better Ofsted report than another.

The friendship thing is a non-issue. Friendships made at 4 can often be fleeting. It's unlikely his pre-school besties will be friends for life. Whilst it can indeed help a child to settle in if they already know some of the other children, four year olds are also perfectly capable of walking into a room with nobody they know and making friends. They generally find it much easier than older children. So I wouldn't base your decision on that, especially as you have plenty of time to meet local families and start to set potential friendships in motion long before September anyway, if you do opt for the local school. Put out some messages on social media asking for park meet ups with parents who have children due to start in Reception, once places are allocated. It really is that easy to meet people.

However, if you have already visited both schools and genuinely do prefer the one in the next village (or find that you do, after visiting both), then there's nothing wrong with opting for a school a short 5 minute drive. Plenty of people do it, for various reasons.

Ultimately, you need to make a decision based on where your heart lies, not what Ofsted say. A lot can change in a school in a very short space of time so you really do need to go on your own gut feeling.

Walking distance every time

Go for the closest. You will thank yourself later on. Even 5 mins drive will wear thin after 5 yrs! He will make friends.

I’d go with where he is and knows people and then potentially looking at moving to where the school is perhaps

Do both schools typically go to the same secondary? If yes, go with your heart over which primary would be the best choice (visit them both)

If not, you need to think more carefully about which secondary you think you might want. Much harder to convince an 11 year old to go to the school you’d like when all their friends are going to a different one.

Closest school unless tangible reason not to.
The main reason expressed in your post seems to be "friends". Discount that. Existing friends are useful for settling in i.e. the first few weeks, but if he's made friend in pre-school, he'll make friends in Reception quickly. In some ways they can be a detriment i..e he sticks to the people he knows and doesn't get to know others.

5 minutes drive is clearly not a long way away but it is also likely to mean that friends are not within walking distance and your child can never walk to school.

the only thing OP said about it was "everyone seems lovely" and "good vibes" based on, presumably, a fairly limited experience of the actual school (especially if her son only started pre-school in September).
I'm not sure that's a basis to choose a school (although if everyone didn't seem lovely, this might be a point for not choosing it).

I echo pp who mentioned the secondary school choice - appreciate it's 7 years away but it's vital. Just because you're in a feeder school, you're not guaranteed a place if you live out of catchment.

Just gone through it with our dc and some of their friends, live out of catchment and their application was turned down even though they were in the feeder primary school.

Just something to bear in mind.

We chose a different school to the school most of the preschool kids were going to because we preferred it in every way. I had loads of guilt in the lead up to starting but have absolutely no regrets! The school is fantastic, DD has made loads of friends but also still sees her best friend from preschool all the time as we get on well with her family. They both attend Squirrels together too which is at their old preschool! I think it’s great to have different groups of friends, mixes it up. Ultimately go with your gut. You’re rarely wrong, so if it feels right to go to the good school 5 mins away where he knows the kids I’d go for that. He will make friends in the village no problem, I wouldn’t worry about that.

I agree with others, he'll make new friends v quickly and could possibly join squirrels with the opposite community of people he won't be at school with