Help! So conflicted with schools

[Schoolselectiondilemma]

I know this is dramatic but due to my step daughters past I feel like this move is critical to how happy she will become.

Her mum passed away when she was very small and it was a very difficult couple of years. She was extremely shy and had huge emotions, very tricky time when I first came into her life.

Currently at a tiny prep school in year 2 and has thrived there, totally different child is very outgoing and very very happy hugely better at managing emotions. Sadly I expect the school will close imminently and even if it doesn’t due to lots of people moving at the end of this year she would be left in a class of 3

She wants to move with her friends, 2 are going to one particular private school which has good facilities but is big and I didn’t love the feel of it, I feel she would get lost and may struggle with competitiveness. Local state school is very very good, is again big but I would prefer this school to the private option and of course it would be a lot less pressure financially

Ofher option is a smaller private school, I loved it and I’m sure she would thrive there but due to it being single sex no one else is going

We feel this is such a huge decision for her, we want to involve her but also she naturally wants to go with her friends. We are worried if we make the wrong decision she could revert back to how she used to be

What would you do?

Absolutely do not involve her.

Why would you not involve her?

Because she is very young and will always choose staying with friends as any other option will be far too scary for her to think about. As she had been through quite a bit I would certainly consider keeping her with friends for a bit longer.

I second not involving her.
As parents it’s your job to choose what is best all round for her while she is this age because decisions come with responsibilities.
At this stage her responsibilities would be the same at any school she attended, whereas yours would be different.
Unless you are in a position to do private education from start to finish, I ‘d move her to the good state primary.

The poppet is 6 or 7 years old. I definitely wouldn’t draw her in to this issue. You and her father make the decision based on what you think is right for her. She can’t see beyond the next 12 hours. Her friends of today could be ones she’s crying to you about the next day.

We feel this is such a huge decision for her

so fgs take it off her. It wouldn’t occur to me to involve my 6/7 year old in the choice of school.

It's not her choice. You are the parents. @

Could you see if the small school will let her have a taster day? She will almost certainly make friends then. Because at that age kids make friends really quickly.

Then she would be going to the school with “her new friend Lucy”.

Second a taster day at the other primary and don’t discount the state primary with a view to save and move her to a selective/private secondary.

We used the excellent village primary then moved our children to our preferred private in year 5, which many people did.

You have already involved her far too much. Her head must be spinning.
Take this completely off her shoulders and explain you and her father / mother will make the right decision and they want her to be so happy. And then you weigh up the options and make a call and then tell her.

I agree with not involving her. It would be different if she was year 6 or older, but year 2 is too young to understand the implications. You and DH ahould make the decision.

I agree it shouldn’t be her decision but let her do taster days at all of the schools and see how she finds them. We are debating whether we move our 7 year old after having moved our older one from state to prep. We will give her the chance to try and taster day and ask for her feedback but the decision will clearly be ours.