Would you move children from local primary to private junior school?

[Northofthebordermum]

Should I send my children to a private junior school?

We have two DCs, one still at nursery, the other in early junior school.

MIL has recently told us she would like to pay for them to go to private school.

DC1 currently at the local school which is very close to our house. They seem happy enough there, although there have been some recent issues with the school which we haven’t been too happy with.

Would you stick with the local primary or go private?

For some reason I have no issue with private high school but somehow feel slight discomfort with private primary.

interested in hearing others thoughts?

Yes I would. We have done this with my children. They are so happy in their new school, get to do so much more in school so less driving around to clubs after school. We are really happy with the move

Does she want to pay for private school the whole way through to 18? If not you could just suggest that she does from year seven?

What relationship do you have with her and what is she like as a person? You don’t want a situation where you have moved them and then she decides to pull the funding, or holds it over you to exert some sort of control etc

Thanks for the replies. Yes my understanding is that she will pay for both through to 18.

I’d say we have a good relationship. She’s a big personality (!) but we get on well and my husband has a great relationship with her. She’s generally fair and I can’t see her doing anything awful like pulling the funding.

We could also probably just cover it ourselves if we had to which probably helps.

Im not sure what my reservations are really…I’m a bit of a lefty so I suppose I worry about being judged by people I know/ work with! I also think there’s something to be said for attending the local school and being part of the community of parents/ children in our area.

but we went to visit the local private school last weekend and I can’t deny the school experience would be better for the children. Maybe that’s the only thing that really matters.

I would. my eldest (now 13) only went private from secondary school onwards but I really regret it. Both my midddle child (11) and youngest (10) are now both private. When we moved my eldest we moved them all and it’s such a difference. Mainly for the eldest and the youngest. But my middle child (a girl) is a bit wild and would probably fit in anywhere 🤣🤣

Yes, have withdrawn both of mine from state education as the class sizes are too big, not to mention the blindsided push for irrelevant exam results and the lack of pastoral care.

Depends what the issues are with the current school. Depends on how far away the private school is. Depends on my own financial situation as private school is more than just fees, it's uniforms, clubs, trips, all more expensive than state.

It will depend on the specific schools, but in my experience there was a massive difference between state and private. I personally think schooling has a massive impact at the primary level, as that is where a child’s relationship with education is formed, so would actually prioritise primary (y3 - y6 specifically) over secondary of o had to make a choice . If state options are great then lucky you, but I am very happy to be paying for private junior school.

We are in in a somewhat similar position albeit we only have one child who is in Year 3. At the moment, we’re sticking with his state school for a number of very practical reasons and because he’s found a nice group of friends there and seems genuinely happy which is the most important thing to me at the moment.

Yes, I'd do it as long as the relationship with your MIL is good and the finances were secure. We've had our dcs in a prep since nursery and they've thrived there. I don't doubt they would have done well in a state primary, at least in the basics of literacy and numeracy, but the curriculum is so much richer in their prep, with more specialist teaching, better clubs, and class sizes under 15. I think the foundations at pirmary level shape so much of a child's attitude to learning for the rest of their lives, and the investment at this stage is worthwhile.

Only if the money is deposited in a fund. In the event of a disagreement eith MIL it is easy to stop payment which can seriously harm the children's education.

Wait until secondary. There’s no difference in primary anyway, in terms of outcomes.

No, DC were very happy at their state primary. There’s a lot to be said for a local school with local friends.

Both moved to selective private for secondary. They were behind their prep school peers for languages and sport, provision was really limited at their state primary, but not really anything else.

As always though, depends on the school, depends on the child.

I wouldn't unless the money was in an account specifically for that purpose and she wouldn't be able to remove it. I would not want to rely on anyone who could potentially stop paying fees if we had a disagreement.

I would also not love the idea that she may feel she should be included in parent meetings or decisions regarding their education because she is the one paying for it. I think that would blur the lines and have the potential to create problems further down the road.

Yes, but as others said if she creates a trust or similar so the funds are there regardless and it is explicitly ‘no strings’.

Agree with this entirely. I’d be prioritising the best primary education I could afford.

I worried a lot about being judged. However, in our village I can’t name a single person who hasn’t tried to get the child into a different school than the closest one to us because it’s awful. They gk to church to get into the church school, drive their kid miles to get to the leafier posher one in the next town over. There are also very few not tutoring their kids. Most of them are buying their children some form of privilege. Also quite shocking how many disparaged me for going private at 4 went private at 11.

I also make a huge effort to be involved in the community in other ways. I run the village toddler group, sit on the village hall committee, help at the fete etc.

the only thing I think I agree with you is on local friends. But having seen what happens to those who go private at 11 they are so busy they don’t keep up many friendships. Also other ways to be involved locally - mine do a church youth group and one has started YFC.

I also believe strongly that the foundations for education are laid in those early years. Private primary has been worth every penny for us.

If they're happy at the local school, why change?

We did it at a natural break point (after year 4), when DD would have been moving from first to middle school (we’re in the 3 tier system)
We moved DD to our local prep and she’s now moved on to the senior school.
It’s definitely been the best decision for her, she’s had so many amazing opportunities. Had we been in the 2 tier system, I’d probably have waited until year 7, but I have zero regrets that she had an extra 2 years. Equally zero regrets that we didn’t send her aged 4.

I agree with the move only if the money is put aside in trust now - at least enough to cover primary school.

My dc have both stayed in local state schools. We could in theory afford private but our local private schools are quite a long drive away (best is 20mins) whereas dc and I can walk to school in under 10mins, and he gets a lot out of having friends who live in his street. We are at a very good leafy primary with history of parents who have invested well in the PTA funds so the school has reasonably good facilities - trolleys of IT kit so every child has their device for IT, nice climbing frames, forest school once a week for all kids, a dedicated craft and cookery building, sports equipment for the playground and a small astro for football at break, a large field with a grass running track. Our dc can choose from lots of lunchtime or before or after school clubs ranging from chess, science, art & crafts, gardening, choir, taekwondo, tennis, athletics, cricket, football, netball, dodgeball, multipsports, Spanish, French and some others I’ve forgotten.

Having said that i wonder if the small classes would be worth the switch, plus the extra facilities. If i could do it for free and there was an excellent school nearby - yes I’d move.

I’d be concerned about mil, however lovely she is now, having a hold over your future and family decisions.
What if either of you get a new job and want to move homes, does mil get to look around and help choose schools?
What if one of you wants/ needs to cut your working hours, will mil feel taken advantage of?
what if one of your children have difficult teenage years and don’t take advantage of all the sporting/ travel opportunities etc , will their be resentment from mil and a pressure from her on your dc.
What if you just don’t get the outcomes from education you all want? Could you end up regretting taking dc away from a school they were happy at and resent mil’s offer. Could mil end up critical or resentful of the dc if they do poorly in exams etc
Could accepting this offer make you beholden to mil for the next 10 years? Ie feeling obliged to take her on holiday see your children more than your family etc
Could more grandchildren come from another child of mils and she has reduced funds
It’s hard enough as parents to make the right choices for our children and sometimes we may regret them but at least know they were decisions made by parents at the time. I would hate to let a 3rd person start feeling they could make decisions about my family however loving mil is at the moment.

If they’ll have a better school experience, then yes. Mine are in state, but I paid far more in nursery fees than the local primary private cost.

I'd be nervous about the dynamic with her paying, like she thinks you / the kids will always 'owe' her. I would personally find that very difficult. What if her situation changes in the next ten years and she can't afford it anymore? Then a massive disruption if they have to change schools again. i think you'd need to insist all the money is put into a fund (no idea how you'd work out the amount) and get a legal agreement drawn up. Anything could happen and it's not fair your children get their education disrupted.

You need to discuss what happens if the school doesn't work for your children. if they wanted to leave. And that your MIL won't constantly bash them if they aren't achieving or aren't high flying academically, just because she's paying.

I'm with you, I have an inherent dislike of private school. If my parents / Parents in law were in a position to give us a lot of money, I wouldn't do private school, I'd ask they paid off some of our mortgage so DH / I could work less and do more childcare. And use the money for tutoring if necessary, and for other activities

Just don’t call it private primary when you get there … prep school. They never refer to themselves as primary or junior … they are Preparatories 😉

I would definitely do it, mostly due to class sizes and if there are any disruptive pupils almost all the teacher's time is taken up with dealing with that rather than teaching. My DD went to state school all through, but primary was the worst (even though it was rated Ofsted "Good"). I had to supplement teaching A LOT because she just wasn't being taught much.

I understand why people are concerned about the financial aspect and suggesting not to accept unless the money is in a separate account. But I don't see how it would be possible to broach this without offence. Tbh, if I was in a position to pay for a loved one's private education and wanted to provide this and someone responded that "alright we'll accept but only if you sign up to these conditions", well, I think that would be unspeakably rude. However, you might discuss with MIL about the future, confirm for how many years she'll be absolutely be able to do this etc, while expressing gratitude. She may offer some way of reassurance.

Not true! Lots are called ‘junior’ - never primary though.