when your 11 yr old is out and about and sees other children from school..

[MaryAnnSingleton]

..does he or she say hello or ignore them or just look a bit embarrassed ?
Ds finds it quite hard to know what to do with himself in these situations - he seems to be very shy - I usually get a bit cross and ask him why he can't just say hello or at least wave or smile or something... he is a sweet and kind boy but maybe it's the seeing people out of their usual context that is odd.
Maybe he is embarrassed by being with me !!
This morning a neighbour with a yr 4 son dropped him at our house and asked if I'd walk him to school - ds was upstairs in his room and was really awkward about coming downstairs to be with this boy (who is nice and friendly) - he just seemed to find it hard to go into the sittingroom and chat or just be -he hovered outside ...I think I may have been the same myself at his age come to think of it. Anyone else's dcs like this ?

They say hello, introduce their friends to us and their friends give us a kiss on the cheek

dd1 (14) looks embarrassed.

Whether she is embarrassed to be seen out in public, or embarrassed to be seen out in public with us I don't know

but Anna,you're in France - this is a bit of English reserve here (sadly)

MaryAnn - I know, I know - cultural differences.

But I think it does (I fear) largely come down to upbringing - if you bring your children up to say hello to everyone nicely and shake hands/give them a kiss on the cheek, they will do so.

I know that what goes on in the family needs to be supported by the environment (school, extended family) - I'm not saying that family upbringing will suffice.

What do your friends children manage, or not manage, to do by way of greeting?

Mmmm - if its a girl - then looks away and gets all embarrassed especially if I pretend not to know who it is and ask if he knows her

Does say hello to the lads though from school when out and about.

I always think I set a good example - I'm shy but I do greet people, say hello to people I know by sight,chat in shops etc etc..with friends I hug/kiss them if haven't seen them for a while and ds is a very tactile boy...it's just with people he doesn't know so well or knows by sight from school.
I am always faintly depressed by English males politely shaking hands with their brothers/fathers - why can't they hug ? When ds last saw some friends from where we used to live - we went to their house - they all hugged each other but the friends were a bit more reserved when they recently came here - they all kissed me but were more formal with ds !

I remember being the same at that sort of age. Can't say quite why I was like that - I thik it was something to do with not knowing what to say/how to react out of the school environment. Perhaps as adults we find it easier to come out with a standard greeting.

ds (nearly 10) just DIES of embarrassment if we see one of his classmates out and about.

If it's a girl he goes vermillion, and if it's a boy, he might just about raise a hand in salute.

If I say, in a loud 'mummy' voice, "Do you know that little boy, darling?" poor ds looks as if the world has ended. (I do it on purpose, hee hee!)

you sound like me fircone !!

Embarrassed - I think it's the sudden collision of two separate parts of their world, and they just don't know how to react. They can be (feel?) quite different at school than at home, and don't know what to do when trying to be both at once.

If I'm out with ds(15) and we meet a boy from his school theres usually a mumbled 'safe man' to each other ..if its a girl he usually blushes bless him

I was always embarrassed, and knowing that it was silly to be embarrassed made it worse! My mother could never understand it.

AMum is right I think, it's the context clash. Ds is fine at the mo (nine tomorrow and Wii Anticipation Frenzy is approaching the point of no return), but I do think that at the age your ds is, self-consciousness starts to kick in more.
Any mum or other adult is a liability to these creatures of heightened sensibilities. It's not you MaryAnn, it's your status in society

AMuminScotland - think you are absolutely right there...the collision of 2 parts of their lives

He's probably embarassed to be seen with you. Nothing to do with you, just the age he is at. I can remember from the age of about 10 onwards being absolutely mortified if my friends saw me with anyone from my family.

Marina - phew ! I am in school a lot though, so maybe that adds to it. Ds was furious when I went in after school the other day to ask the teacher something and skulked outside

My dd (9) will mutter a curt 'hello' if it happens to be a child from her class. If not they walk past each other staring pointedly at the pavements going bright red.

It's really odd isn't it?

My dcs are mostly the same MaryAnn.

I was painfully shy as a child - I remember I would often deliberately avoid people I knew if I saw them in town - I think I felt awkward about what to do as they approached - what if I said hello and they didn't respond? - so to avoid the embarrassment of that happening I would avoid the situation totally...

my sons are quite receptive and ds2 loves the fact girlies always want to chat to him out of school,ds1 is more reserved but i cannot go anywhere without kids saying hello mrs wg !!these are children who were in my class or friends of our children im like a pied piper with child magnets .....just today ds1 is on work experience ds2 is at A&E with a fractured wrist and theres a knock on the door ds1s friend whose not got a work experience placement has come to visit me .......... walking the dog at night has become a trial without about 20 kids from all different school years following on

grapefruitmoon ' I would often deliberately avoid people I knew if I saw them in town' .... I still do.

I once ran out of the back door to avoid seeing someone when I was a girl....

John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda:

Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning," or saying, uh, "Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we'll all terrified of embarrassment.

We just start them young...

My dd12 goes down the ignoring route. She's Y7 but if sees single ex-classmate (male), she ignores. When with friends and sees ex-classmate (male) with his friends, I think it's fair to say that, er ... words are cheekily exchanged!

I'm getting rather cross with her tbh because she totally ignores anyone she sees who is not best mate/she does not like and will cross road to avoid them. V. embarrassing indeed. Alas, I was the same at her age.

Maybe she will learn the act of the false breezy "hello - sorry must dash!" of her mother

PortandLemon - that is very true and sad !

With me - largely ignore. Even his girlfriend.

On his own he seems to be Mr Sociability.