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Primary education

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London 4+ Tutoring help

29 replies

JaneMirage · 27/08/2025 00:00

Hi,

I am wondering how many parents did not use external tutors for 4+ and what offers did you get? Is it possible to get into a competitive academic schools without formal tutoring but just nursery and parents-led activities?

thank you!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
javaprogrammer · 07/09/2026 14:52

@JaneMirage
I was in the same boat, thinking it wouldn't make sense to hire a tutor but being worried as many people (tutors themselves!) are talking about it.

I eventually hired one for 3 sessions and my conclusion is that the value is very marginal. Unless you don't do anything at all with your own child, a tutor is really unnecessary. Mine came over and played games with my LO every time...

MyTwoDads · 07/09/2026 20:30

@TivoliHA will do - I'll send you a DM.

Shyness is a concern for many parents. I would get asked that a lot. My own son is also shy and we were worried about he would be on the day (even though one of the schools was my own!).
Everyone is different and small things can set them off, so it is important that you set the scene so they know what to expect.

I just commented on the post about 4+ and separation anxiety, so look there for some top tips that I posted.

How is he at nursery? If he is more sociable there, I would say that the staff doing the assessment are very experienced at dealing with this age group and we can usually get most children to relax and get through the session - so it might not be too serious a problem.

In answer to your other questions - yes, it is possible to get in, they just need to be able to speak enough to get everything down. Some schools are a bit stricter on upset/super quiet children than others. I always say that it is perfectly reasonable for a 3yr old to be wary of being handed over to a group of strangers in a strange school! It's how they regulate their own feelings in the session to get through it that the staff are looking at.

And finally, yes I am sure he would flourish there. Or, where ever he goes. My son is much less shy than he used to be (he had a speaking part in the summer play and nativity!), it just takes some children a little longer to come out of their shells.

MyTwoDads · 07/09/2026 20:40

@TivoliHA of course, I'll send you a DM.
I just wrote out a whole response for you and have lost it - so I'll keep it brief this time!

It's very common for parents to be worried about shyness. I would be asked that a lot. How does he behave at nursery? If he is more sociable there, it might not be too much of a problem. Don't forget the staff doing the assessments are experts in this age group and getting the children to shine. Rarely did I have to return a child during the assessments because they wouldn't talk to us. If it did happen, we would ask the parents to contact admissions to find another slot in a few days and try again. Having said that, not all schools are this flexible (or caring in my opinion).

I have just commented on the post about 4+ and separation anxiety so have a look there for some top tips on how to prepare your child for the 4+.

Regarding your questions; It is entirely possible for him to get in and I am sure he would flourish there. Or, where ever he ends up. My own son is shy too but got through the assessments and is now just starting Y2. Last year he chose to have a speaking part in the Nativity and summer play!! Children get their at their own rates and some take a little longer to come out of their shells than others.

Remember, schools don't want a class of overly chatty confident children - they are looking for a nice balance of characters!

TivoliHA · 07/09/2026 21:44

MyTwoDads · 07/09/2026 20:40

@TivoliHA of course, I'll send you a DM.
I just wrote out a whole response for you and have lost it - so I'll keep it brief this time!

It's very common for parents to be worried about shyness. I would be asked that a lot. How does he behave at nursery? If he is more sociable there, it might not be too much of a problem. Don't forget the staff doing the assessments are experts in this age group and getting the children to shine. Rarely did I have to return a child during the assessments because they wouldn't talk to us. If it did happen, we would ask the parents to contact admissions to find another slot in a few days and try again. Having said that, not all schools are this flexible (or caring in my opinion).

I have just commented on the post about 4+ and separation anxiety so have a look there for some top tips on how to prepare your child for the 4+.

Regarding your questions; It is entirely possible for him to get in and I am sure he would flourish there. Or, where ever he ends up. My own son is shy too but got through the assessments and is now just starting Y2. Last year he chose to have a speaking part in the Nativity and summer play!! Children get their at their own rates and some take a little longer to come out of their shells than others.

Remember, schools don't want a class of overly chatty confident children - they are looking for a nice balance of characters!

Thank you so much for this, it’s so helpful.

Really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience and I’m glad to hear that your son is thriving.

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