How to tackle this SEN issue?

[Vengabusiscoming2019]

Dd has some form of SEN. She leaves through the office half an hour before everyone else. On Wednesday literally they opened the door and she went manic. Within 30 seconds she had bit me. Was spitting at me and kept screaming "shit" full blast (all whilst laughing) as I was trying to get her coat on her.

Clearly the home time transition isn't working. I emailed the teacher leading the work with my DD. She replied "yes I can see you are struggling managing this behaviour" and arranged a meeting for tomorrow.

I'm at the point where I feel like the implication is that I did something wrong for poorly managing it. However, I don't see how they can be sending her home to me that wired. It's setting up an impossible situation as when she goes manic like that it means a lot fuse to a significant meltdown. At home I would deal with it by removing her from the situation as I would when out and about but I don't see how I'm supposed to have a chance to deal with it when that is how she is coming out?

I don't know How to tackle this at the meeting tomorrow

Sometimes kids just behave how they do and it's not our faults. She worded it badly and probably meant come in and let's see if we can think of some ideas together.

I don't have any advice other than to just keep going through the motions. Say how you feel. Don't blame yourself. Hopefully you can get the right help in place soon. Xx

The teacher needs to read the very famous analogy about shaking the bottle of lemonade throughout the day. And then mum arrives, the top relaxes and unscrews a bit and BANG!

She needs some training. What has the Senco got to say?

You're taking the teacher's comment the wrong way, which is very easily done when you're upset and stressed. Having a meeting will be helpful. Write down what outcome you'd like, what you think you can do to achieve it and what you think school can do to help. It's horrible for you to be faced with your child reacting like that but school can see it's an issue and want to help you to overcome it. 💐

I do think it was an unfortunately worded response but might not have been the implication she was intending. It's clear that your DD has been overwhelmed at school and is melting down with you. Obviously by the time she's at that point there's nothing you can do other than get home as soon as you can and wait while the storm subsides. I wouldn't worry too much about the teacher's comment but go to the meeting with a clear idea of what you want. Do you have an idea about a routine that might help DD better? Are there questions you want to ask the school or bits of advice you could give them (e.g. DD's triggers, warning signs she's becoming stressed).

Although my DD1 didn’t have SEN she used to come out of school chewing a wasp! I don’t know if this would help, but we felt she was intensely engaged in school but they had lunch too early. Too short a time for lunch break and was desperately needing food at home time. It might be worth looking at her school day and trying to ascertain if she needs longer quiet periods or regular food intake. I do feel for you and I hope you have a productive meeting.

I was wondering how the meeting went. @Vengabusiscoming2019 ?
I didnt see this yesterday but was reminded of the phrase 'maskings not coping'
I hope it was a useful meeting.

My dc is awful if taken into reception area to collect other dc from after school clubs.
She was galloping about, hiding behind my back under my coat and pretending to lick the windows.

Could it be you are the main focus whereas if you were collecting with everyone else there are lots of other distractions.

How did the meeting go?
I would have to be asking the question, why is she finishing school 30 minutes before the other pupils? She should be finishing at the same time as all the other pupils. So the follow up question is then what exactly is happening during the school day? Is she being kept on her own all day, in which case it is hardly a surprise she is, as another poster says, like the fizzy bottle of pop when released from school.

I was going to say that it sounds like a well intentioned but poorly worded response.

The lemonade analogy is really good. It's quite common for children with SEN to keep it all in during the day and then fizz at home (sometimes when they're older they keep it together until they get into a lesson with a particular teacher or their form tutor and that 'safe' teacher ends up with the delayed outburst from other situations)

I hope the meeting went well. If it wasn't considered, could you and the school maybe look at having a visual timetable for her for during the day to help her chunk the day? Or perhaps a set activity that happens in her final 10 mins every day that would be calling for her?