Ds losing confidence

[Stephthegreat]

Ds started school in September and was a very happy confident boy until then.

His reception class are mixed with another class who seem ok but there are a lot of bossy characters there.ive seen Ds fetching and carrying for them - carrying one boys bag,being asked to take one boys coat over to his mum - all things I see when picking up from after school club.

Ds has become a bit subservient which is not like him,I don’t know what happens actually in school but I don’t feel happy about it.Theres also a very bossy boy in his class who I’ve seen ordering Ds about.

I’m trying to boost Ds confidence but not sure what to do.

Hi

I'm sorry that I do not have advice for you but I am in a similar situation. My daughter was separated from the rest of reception and put (along with 4 others her age) in with the year one class.

I have seen the same change in behaviour, she has become shy and slightly withdrawn and tells me most days that she doesn't want to go to school. She has been in nursery/pre school since 10 months of age and I have never had issues like this with her.

I have a meeting with the teacher next week and plan to raise my concerns at her behaviour changing so quickly. I hope you get your little one sorted, it's an awful feeling.

I look forward to reading the reply's to your post x

You haven’t said anything to suggest he’s lost confidence. He might be quite happy being friends with the ‘top dog’ and higher up,the pecking order than many others. It might not be subservience but friendship with immaturity meaning they take a while to balance helpfulness and kindness with not being a total pushover. Unless your son is unhappy (and I wouldn’t quiz him) I’d leave him alone to learn how to forge playground friendships.

I was picking him up today and saw one of the boys from ds class grab ds by the coat and shove him back. I spoke to the teacher about this and he said that ds liked playing with this boy (my ds was upset after this incident but this wasn’t discussed by teacher) and that this boy was just ‘robust’.

Ds seems very unhappy

Rachel I’m sorry to hear about your daughter,we know our children and I think it’s awful to see them so withdrawn.

Ah if he seems unhappy then I’d maybe have a word with his teacher and encourage other friendships by inviting other children home to play.

I think he is trying to be nice, trying to be liked, and trying to fit in. Maybe you need to teach him to say no if he isn't happy?

Maybe the other boy should be told that his behaviour is unacceptable and corrected. Of course the op should try and work on her son’s resilience but these are 4 year olds learning what is acceptable or not. A 4 year old boy is not just “robust”