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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Small classes,no escape - help

24 replies

Stephthegreat · 28/09/2018 23:59

Ds just started receptiion and is one of 4 boys in his class.2 of the boys were friends at nursery and they stick together.My ds is stuck with the other boy who is paired with him for everything.This boy continually bosses ds about,pokes fun at him and is making him unhappy.Hes small for his age though so looks like butter wouldn’t melt!

I witnessed this behaviour for myself and couldn’t believe how horrible he was.

I am hoping to speak to the class teacher on Monday but I really don’t know how we can resolve this problem.The entire class is only 10 children’s (there are 6 girls too) so there seems no escape from this child.

Does anyone’s have any suggestions? Ds hates school because of this boy.

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Norestformrz · 29/09/2018 05:20

Does he have to be with this boy why not with the girls?

littlecabbage · 29/09/2018 05:30

I agree, pairing him with this boy is unnecessarily sexist. Insist the pairs are regularly mixed up.

AdventuringThroughLife · 29/09/2018 05:31

That is a tiny class!! I guess theres pros and cons to small classes.

Im not sure why they've only paired boys with boys though. At my kids infant and junior school boys and girls are paired for 101 reasons but not whether they are boy or girl.

DunesOfSand · 29/09/2018 06:14

My son spent a lot of time last year working with one of a couple of girls because he preferred their company to the boys in the class. He doesn't have to chose the boy to partner with!

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 29/09/2018 07:13

Are the kids choosing pairs themselves? If so the teacher could choose pairs too. He could be with one of the girls or one of the other boys. Over time the nursery pair will probably start mixing more anyway.

I would mention it to the teacher anyway so she can keep an eye out.

Witchend · 29/09/2018 09:44

I suspect it's more the children are choosing themselves than the teacher is forcing them to.

In reception, when it's a lot of free play, then they do get to choose a lot of the time. And if they are spending a lot of time together(even if it doesn't like him), the teacher may well assume they're friends and be putting them together out of kindness.

Speak to the teacher and ask her to keep an eye on him, and I suspect she'll do a bit of subtle moving around.

BubblesBuddy · 29/09/2018 10:29

10 children is just too small. How big is the school? It’s a peril of small schools. I know rural schools can be small and there isn’t another option. It may be that the children who knew each other at nursery want other friends in time. It’s not normal for nursery friendships to be ongoing unless the parents are joined at the hip of course.

I don’t think boys want girls to play with all the time. My DDs didn’t play much with boys. They may well enjoy different types of play. Personally I wouldn’t go near such a small school, definitely not if it’s a private one. It’s just too limiting in all sorts of ways.

BubblesBuddy · 29/09/2018 10:31

Also 10 in a YR isn’t financially sustainable. What happens after YR? If must be a very rich school to afford 10 to 1 teacher!

Parker231 · 29/09/2018 10:34

Who is pairing him with one of the boys? Can’t they choose who to play with? If there are six girls in the class, is there any reason why he wouldn’t want to play with them?

RedSkyLastNight · 29/09/2018 10:55

Are there other Reception classes (so he can play with others at break times) or is this it?
IMO 10 children in a class is just too small - for precisely the reasons you've found - if you don't happen to click with another DC in the class you are absolutely stuck. If this is the same situation all he way up the school I'd look at moving now!

abc12345 · 29/09/2018 11:00

At our school they sit with someone new every Monday and they are pairs for the week. That way you get to be pairs with everyone in the class. It works really well as you don’t get any of the best friend dramas. Maybe suggest that to the teacher

BubblesBuddy · 29/09/2018 13:04

There are always children who are paired off by the parents. They want the friendships to continue and make a big effort to ensure that happens. My DDs never played with boys. The boys seemed to prefer boys. You cannot force friendships if children don’t click and sitting next to the children in rotation in a tiny group of 10 won’t make any difference if parents are calling the shots.

Holidayshopping · 29/09/2018 13:10

I wouldn’t be happy with such a small class size, tbh. I don’t know of any classes this small outside of private schools or schools on tiny islands. Schools often have to combine year groups instead.

Original poster

Stephthegreat · 29/09/2018 14:01

It’s difficult I will ask if the teacher can pair ds up with different children but like everyone said the class is small so this bossy boy will never really be far away.

They are mixed with year 1 some of the time and there are 10 children in that class more even with girls and boys.Trouble is that the year 1 boys already made friends and tend to stick together.

Apart from bossy boy my ds is happy at school but this one child is really making him unhappy.

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BubblesBuddy · 29/09/2018 18:00

The problem is that he has no escape. Two boys cling together and the other is bossy. Will this be ok for the future. Is it a small village school? Even 20 over two years is financially dire. Is y2 10 children as well?

Original poster

Stephthegreat · 29/09/2018 19:44

Yes the same!I really don’t know if I should try to move him now but he’s very happy with the teacher and plays with the girls in his class.The teachers always sit him with bossy boy for lunch and he is always paired up with him for activities.

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brilliotic · 29/09/2018 20:18

Definitely talk to the teacher. The other boy's behaviour is not ok, whether there are 3 or 30 other children in the class. The question is not 'how to avoid that boy' but 'how to ensure that boy's unacceptable behaviour stops'.

Telling the OP 'that class is too small' is not really helpful either.

The teacher needs to be aware of what is happening. Then a) she will work on improving the boy's behaviour, and b) will not make your DS always pair up with that boy.

Justnoclue · 29/09/2018 20:27

On paper small schools seem good but this is the reason I’d not choose one. If you’re unlucky enough to get stuck with a bully (or just someone you don’t get on with) you’re stuck with them for a long time and are limited on who to mix with. You can’t mix with other groups as there aren’t any.

If you don’t want to move schools then you need to talk to the teacher.

Norestformrz · 29/09/2018 20:46

For those talking about small schools would it really be any different if it was a class if 30 with only 4 boys and the teacher chose to always pair him with a bully.
My children both attended the local school with ten pupils per year group. I was in a year group of three ...now that's small!

Original poster

Stephthegreat · 29/09/2018 21:06

I’m sure the teacher has no idea,even ds will play with bossy boy voluntarily because he’s young and has few options.Ive had a chat to him about how friends behave to each other though and that if they are unkind and bossy then they are not friends.

I will have a word with the teacher,if they mix the children up a bit it should give ds and bossy boy a chance to bond with other children.

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BubblesBuddy · 29/09/2018 21:07

You are unlikely to get 26:4 though. It can be that the OP chose this school but DS could go to a bigger school. It’s something to think about if there was a choice. If there isn’t any choice then he’s stuck with the bossy child. Many children are bossy. It’s not the same as bullying. It’s being over assertive and he probably isn’t aware that it’s too much. That isn’t the same as being cruel and manipulative.

The op isn’t in any position to change the behaviour of the other boy. It’s a shame the teacher uses pairs and this should change. The op can complain but this will become wearing. Her DS might become friends with the other boys but that leaves the bossy child with no-one. I guess he’ll have to be passed around the class and probably remain friendless.

Norestformrz · 29/09/2018 21:14

My class three years ago started the year with just three girls and twenty four boys and ended the year with six girls and twenty two boys. The previous year there were just five boys ...it happens.

HopeGarden · 29/09/2018 21:19

I’d definitely chat to the teacher about trying to pair him up with other children.

I had an acquaintance in a similar situation - her DS was one of 5 boys in the year group and the other 4 had paired up into best buddy pairs, so her DS had no same sex friends. She was happy with everything else about the school but she ended up moving her DS to another school with a larger proportion of boys in the year group. All turned out well for her DS in the end.

Original poster

Stephthegreat · 29/09/2018 22:10

I think it would be good for ds to be in a class where there are more boys,he likes playing with the girls but I know he’d like another boy to team up with.

I will chat to the teacher,if I reach the last resort and he’s still so unhappy I will have to find another school for him.Im surrounded by very small schools though.I would have to look further for a bigger school with vacancies.

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