Truth about Father Christmas?

[sallythesheep73]

DS1 (aged 7) has been told by a classmate that Father Christmas is not real. We also have DS2 (age 4). DS1's classmate has an older brother who is 13.

He has asked me twice now and said friend told him it is just your parents . Twice I have said it is true and if you dont believe he may not come?!

I am a bit heartbroken I thought we would get to 9 or 10 before finding out? What should I do??

I know our dd 10 has been told by others that he isn’t real. I think she does a sort of double think where she believes and doesn’t believe simultaneously.
Santa in our house (and my home when growing up) delivers special extra presents that are separate to the presents family and friends give.
Where I live, the tradition is some weird Santa/UPS Service where Santa brings EVERYTHING. I’m from west Lancashire and this weird tradition is in Greater Manchester where I now live.
Which means that even when we stopped believing, we still had bonus Santa presents that were part of the fun. I am hoping to keep that up with my dd after this year.
I will have a conversation with my dd before she starts secondary school to .. gulp .. confirm there is no actual Santa but to also confirm that there will still be Santa gifts.

DD has never believed in FC since being at school, she didn't need an older brother to tell her he wasn't, nad I'm sure she's not alone in not believing, and doubt is very, very normal. Distinguishing the infeasible from the impossible is an important part of understanding, FC is clearing impossible, so you'd hope they'd figure it out.

What should you do? Carry on any of the fun rituals you have, enjoy it. Talk some more about belief and how it's important not to scorn others beliefs, and how you don't need to tell them their belief is stupid or wrong. That's such an important lesson for more serious beliefs around religion anyway, that it's good to practice on FC.

I get your point its a learning opportunity re beliefs but it still seems sad. I had hoped to get to 9 or 10...

I think 9 or 10 is very very optimistic. Surely long before then they start thinking through the unfeasible logistics etc. I think by 7 and certainly 8 vast majority of children either know perfectly well or pretty much know really but choose not focus and to hold on to a sort of make believe because it is fun.

But it would be nice if he didn't spoil it for the 4 year old - that would be a shame

You could have said something vague like "what do you think?" or "well that's a shame that X doesn't believe any more" or "I wonder why he thinks that?"

My DS believed until just before 11

There is a broad range of normal. Many scientifically minded children stop believing at 4 or 5. I don’t think Christmas becomes less fun.

Try a different approach. In my husband's country, it's treated as a special secret that Father Christmas isn't real. When a child starts to question, a parent takes the child aside and lets them in on the special adult secret that Father Christmas isn't real. This means that they are big enough to keep the secret from other children. It's a special thing and not at all a reason not to get gifts.

He can help you put out gifts on Christmas Eve after the younger one has gone to bed. It's natural at 7 to start to question, and many older kids who still believe have actually realized the truth and are afraid that saying so means they won't get gifts.

Given that he's only 7, I'd be inclined to say that Santa will still come as long as he still believes in him. He will probably still have his suspicions but would still like to believe.

When she was 8 my dd told me she knew perfectly well that Santa was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it. So I did, while telling her she must not let on to her little sister or anyone else who still believed.

Many years later, when she was over 20, she told me she'd been SO longing for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a bit longer!

DD1 seems to be maintaining some kind of belief, despite her best friend at school having informed her straight out. Friend's family are not originally from the UK and are Muslim; apparently they do presents and general merriment at Christmas, but they don't do stockings, Santa etc.

This has triggered some interesting thinking on the feasibility of the whole thing, but DD appears to be choosing to play the game for now.