YR1 not settling in new school

[Ilovecrumpets]

Hi everyone

I'm just looking for some thoughts/reassurance really.

My DS (5) moved to a new school for the start of Y1. He had the odd naughty episode but nothing major or that concerned the teachers at his last school in reception, but had friends and the teachers always said he was a popular, sociable boy.

His teacher at his new school phoned me this evening as she is a bit concerned about him. He has been name calling at playtime on occasion and doesn't seem to be intergrating and making friends. Apparently the first two weeks things seemed to be going well but not the last few. He has said to me that the other children won't play with him at playtime and that some children have called him names - a lot of the children have older siblings who I suspect are possibly sticking up for their siblings if he name calls but he seems to find really upsetting.

His teacher has been lovely and is going to try and find out what is happening at playtime. I suppose I am panicking a bit that I have made a big mistake moving him ( it was a school we had been on a waiting list for and his previous school had quite a few issues). I guess I was wondering how long it does take children to settle and if it's usual to have a rocky start sometimes?

I feel so sad to think of him with no friends. Unfortunately I work part time and am finding it difficult to get to know other parent sto help by tying to organise a play date etc which could help.

Is it a large school?
I think play dates would help - do you have any days off during the school week or time over the weekend?

I'd suggest after school clubs. The chemistry of after school clubs is completely different to during school because certain individuals or ring leaders are not there to egg the other children on. He could break into a social group that way.

My DS moved at year 2, he has not been as settled as he was at the old school.

It has taken a year to find his feet a bit. Had tears, nightmares and he still wishes to go back to his old school. The new school has a completely different culture.

I think what I'm saying is, it's different, so it won't be the same? It wasn't for us anyway.

Yes for children who struggle socially nurture groups can be helpful you could check if there is one?

Thank you for you replies everyone.

had it is a big school - 60 intake - and also because of the way the school works his class is largely siblings of older children so have been together since nursery. I do do two pick ups and drop offs, but a lot of the parents seem to have changing childcare as they work out of the home - so different people at each. I have to admit that I am also finding it hard to integrate into the parents as again they seem to have known each other a long time. There is one friendly mum though who I will try to set something up with!

rice after school club is a good idea. Will try and get in a wait list for after half term.

roderick I do get what you are saying. I think I am also
also finding it difficult as this wasn't a forced move - we chose to move him ( for good reasons).

miaow thanks - will speak to his teacher again. She has mentioned setting up a buddy so hopefully that might help.

He is quite socially immature and doesn't deal with emotions very well yet - so will react badly when someone doesn't want to play with him. I'm worried his behaviour is also going to deteriorate.

He sounds a bit like my boy, and the school we moved to crumpets

My DS went from being well liked and happy at his old school, to getting phone calls home and chats about his behaviour at the new school. Another new child joined which helped a bit, they became friends, then the two classes were mixed up over summer and, fingers crossed, so far, so good.

I think time will help him to adjust but buckle in for what maybe a long rocky road.

I spoke to my DS about keeping his 'bucket full', i.e., not letting others affect his esteem, or, emptying his bucket. Doing things that fill the bucket.

Can you find an analogy like that?

Thank you roderick

We have the bucket full book so that's a good idea. Unfortunately due to the nature of the school ( one class is bilingual) the classes won't get mixed. Another new boy did join and actually it was when he left that things started to happen.

I'm even considering moving him back to his old school, but there were so many problems there.

Meant to add I'm glad things have improved for your DS roderick

My ds has just moved to a different school for year 2. He is facing similar challenges to what has been described by others. At his previously school, he came home so excited by what he had done at school and at his current school he seems to have lost all enthusiasm. He is a bright boy and had an excellent report from his previous school. I'm hoping his progress is not affected by this new school, as the previous school really challenged him. In all honesty, his current school hasn't impressed me at all and I can't help, but compare it to his old school. He has also said that some of the children have said that he can't play with them, which makes me very sad. My DH spoke to his teacher, who has reported he has settled in well. I'm going to wait until parents evening which is after half term. This will give him more time to settle in and if I still have concerns, I will voice them at parents evening. In the meantime he is on the waiting list for another primary school (which was our first choice), but I really don't want to have to move him again.

I just wanted to pop back to say thanks you to everybody who posted last time and in particular for the great idea about after school clubs from ricekrispie. I worried about sending him to after school club as it meant more new people, but it has made a big difference. He really enjoys it ( goes to two different ones now) and helped him get to know older kids as well so the playground is less scary.

His teacher has also been really supportive and he is now enjoying school, behaviour is good and we just had a really good parents evening!

Wanted to pop back incase anyone else is in the same situation.