Dropping off DS - am I doing the right thing?

[sjd84]

DS Started school on Tuesday, we went into the classroom with him as he was upset. Yesterday and today I have handed him over to the teacher at the door, given him a quick kiss and waved goodbye, he is still crying when I drop him off, but think that staying around will just make it worse? But after I leave I feel like a horrid mother- would the teacher expect me to stay and comfort him?

Hi op. This was the same with my dd. Today she was upset and the teacher took her into the class and I left. At the time I did feel awful as she was really upset but I know from experience she would be fine and happy once i left. I think hanging around makes it worse as the children think there's a chance you might take them back home with you. Your ds will be fine

Yes you are. In fact when DS started school the teacher encouraged those parents that had kids crying to leave asap in the firmest tones. Apparently they usually stopped pretty much straightaway the parents left.

My friend's son did it every day during Reception but stopped as soon as she was out of sight. He just started yr 1 and she said are you going to cry today? He answered - Mum I am in year 1 now - not a baby! Skipped off happily.

You've done exactly the right thing by the sounds of it. Apparently I used to wake up crying in the morning and was always dropped off crying. My mother still (many, many years later) remembers it but of course I can't remember a thing!

My stepmum, a reception teacher with decades of experience, has said that dropping off and going swiftly gives the best result. The child continues to be upset while their parents are still there, so the longer you're there, the longer they are upset for. Pretty much all children perk up shortly after their parents have left.

Thank you all for your replies, I am sat at home feeling upset, but like you all said I'm sure DS has forgotten about me and is having fun!

Guess I'll have to get used to this and not let it upset me!

Handing them over to the teacher is the way it's usually done at our school.

The children usually cheer up pretty quickly too. There's plenty in the classroom to distract them and keep them busy.

You've absolutely done the right thing!
I'm a TA (often in Reception), and we love parents like you, who sensibly hand over and disappear!

I've worked in pre-school too, and the same applies. So much better for the child; they might be upset for a few minutes but they quickly recover when there's so much excitement on offer in class.

Completely the right thing. Drop and run.

Handing over quickly is generally best.

You can check with the teacher at the end of the day that he cheered up quickly, or if they are friendly, you might find that the school office can pop to check mid morning if you ask them nicely (will depend on the school, my DDs primary would - not every day though!)

If it continues then try a transition object in their bag or pocket such as a small cuddly toy (under strict instructions not to get it out and fiddle with it). Or an object with your perfume on it.

DD2 took a tiny cuddly toy in right up to y5 in her rucksack so she could stroke it at break and know it was there. She's adopted and always struggled with goodbyes, but sometimes just having the object in her hand as she walked over the threshold helped her.

Also, make it clear you are doing really boring stuff so they aren't missing out on anything at home!

I think it is very unfair to expect teachers and TAs to deal with stressed parents as well as their children. Parents really should be the adults here and let the teachers settle the children. There seems to be a growing trend that parents cannot leave the schools to get on with their job. Nearly all children should have been to nursery so it's just an extension of that. No
big deal and most children thrive at school. Yours will to, op.

Don't feel bad! They are always fine and settle not long after you have left!
From experience working in a nursery and school the best thing is for you to say goodbye and leave. It makes it harder if you hang about.

Absolutely the right thing to do. Though some parents act as though you are about to surgically remove their child when you ask them to do it.

I have also met the other sort of parent, whose child comes in happily and the parent is very resentful! I remember one particular parent who was furious that her child settled from day one. She used to deliberately walk past the school and call to him during playtime and lunchtime, he would wave and carry on with whatever he was doing. She said to me once through gritted teeth " I don't understand it, my other four all kicked up a fuss and had to be dragged off me for weeks!" I did the "well done for raising a confident ,social child" stuff but she was seething that he was not showing their unique mother/child relationship bond for the world to see!

The children who cry are not upset. They are crying in order to elicit an emotional response from the parent. Parent goes, child stops crying.

I know it feels awful but you are doing the right thing. When my daughter started Reception she cried every morning for weeks, now in Year 1 she breezes in without a backwards glance!