Torn whether to move DC for Reception

[Buttercup12233]

DS is at a nursery of a private school. There are 20 in his class and he is very happy there, with 3 close friends. However we have concerns with the school (lack of feedback, lack of pastoral care, disorganised etc) and don't think it's worth the fees.

So we plan to move him to the local school. We are very rural and the Reception class will only have 9 children. These children are all at the local nursery and DS has been to several sessions to get to know them. However there are only 4 other boys and DS hasn't really bonded with any of them; he says he prefers to play alone. He hates going to the local nursery and cries at drop off.

I find it heartbreaking as he is so happy and popular at his first nursery, but it's £3000 a term and a huge financial commitment. I just don't know what to do and would welcome any advice.

Children aren't 'popular' or have 'close' friends at a young age - they play together but they aren't real friendships. More a case of they both like lego or reading.

What you mean is he's comfortable in his current setting - he's going to feel disjointed at another for a while

I'd move him and save the fees for senior if they local isn't up to much

Definitely move him. He'll settle and probably be a bit more stretched.

I'd move him. friendship is v fluid in reception so it's an ideal time.

in such a tiny school you will probably find they also make friends in other years too.

Do you have another local school option? I don't think you should keep him in the private school (those concerns are going to irk more as the years go by) but such a small local school is going to get claustrophobic really quickly, even if he does start to bond with his peers.

I'd move him - in tiny schools that often make friends across school years, Spend the money on extra curricular stuff to expand his friendship circles and interests e.g. Football, beavers, martial arts - what ever is available

'lack of feedback, lack of pastoral care, disorganised etc)'
So surely his current place is out of the running.
Move him at that age it's just about learning to play together etc. I wouldn't be too concerned about the special friend thing yet.

Thanks for the advice and reassurance.

I know that friendships are more transient at 4. However he walks into the private nursery and his friends run up to him to hug him jumping for joy. At the local nursery he walks in and (other than the staff who are lovely) none of the children are bothered.

I'm also worried about such a small friendship pool, but take the point about clubs etc. The local school is really our only option as the next closest one is oversubscribed, then the next one is 30 mins drive away.

My children never had a special friend. They now have tens of friends. There are lots of threads where being in such a small group of children can be a problem later on if you do not gel with the others. Your child can feel left out of friendships if they have developed without him and you will have to break into this group of children and parents now that you have decided to go elsewhere for nursery. That could be problematic depending on how close they are.

Additionally, always remember a "special" friend may leave and your child would actually feel bereaved so larger friendship groups should always be a goal in my opinion, but I can see you have little choice.

I think later on really small schools can be limiting in that they cannot do much drama, music or sport to a good level due to a lack of children being competent to the same level. I accept some parents do not care about this and do everything outside school but if you are rural this can be quite a time commitment and you will be permanently in the car. I used the nursery of a private school for DD2 which was very good, but the rest of the school was pretty useless. I transferred DD2 into Y1 of the local school which was far, far better. Private can be very overrated and people are probably using it for convenience. At ours there was wrap around care which no state school was offering so it suited quite a few parents ho were not bothered about what they were paying for regarding the education on offer. The people who had money and did care, all moved! In DD2's year, eventually, only 4 children remained in Y6 out of 36 in YR. We were lucky in that we all had other options nearby.

My children did not really make lasting friendships at clubs. Most of the children that came to dance/ballet, Music Centre, swimming etc came from a variety of schools and already had a friendship group at school.

I'd normally not go for a small school at all, and love our huge one - however I wouldnt pay a fortune either unless it was exceptional. SO in this case I'd go small and rural with additional stuff added on

Can you afford the £3000 easily?
When it comes to secondary is there a good local one or will you want to go back to private which would be hard on your son changing all over again to where his friends are. Which will be far more solid in year 6 than reception!

Not many children still hang out with their year 6 friends certainly not round here

No I meant that the transition to secondary from primary may be harder if they haven't attended the same primary as most of the other kids.
They may of course branch off anyway once they are settled at secondary but I think A familiar face is nice for them to have in the first few weeks of year 7