How to increase a child's confidence?

[elliedragon]

Just got back from parents evening for ds1 in year 1 and now feel bad that he is not confident enough. He is doing well academically but lacks confidence around other children and getting on with his work. The only suggestion they had was to invite more people back for tea which for me isn't easy as i have ds2 aged 3 and another one due in a couple of weeks. Any ideas as am now feeling guilty as it must be something I am doing wrong?

Really sympathise with you elliedragon, DS1's (5) teacher has told me also that he is doing well with work but that he has no confidence to speak up in class or anything and also that he doesn't fit in with any of the boys in his class which i was very and about...

She also suggested inviting friends for tea every week - and now I feel bad because I have DS2 who is 4 and a DD1 who is 7 months so I haven't been inclined to have many playdates recently...! I'm going to start trying to organise a few playdates now though.. But it's very hard for you with a newborn on the way. DS1 did go to Drama classes last year, in order to help him with his confidence, they were okay and he did enjoy them but I didn't think that they made a great deal of difference.

But DS1 has just started Beavers which, so far, has been brilliant, he seems to be really at ease there and it's very organised so that the older ones encourage and help the younger boys. I'm hoping that this will help a great deal with him forgeing some new friendships HTH

Thanks josben. I have ds1s name down to start beavers as thought that might help.

Its so sad to think of him not fitting in. I also think he doesn't get enough support in class as the teacher admitted that the good ones don't get as much individual time spent on them so he is probably sitting there worried about what to do. Poor thing.

Try not to feel guilty - I have always told my children how fantastic they are and have even read books on how to have confident children... but for DS1 it seems that he just isn't naturally a confident boy. I must admit that it does worry me, especially when we're at parties and you see some of the other children are so forward and full of confidence.

When I look at the boys/girls in his class, the ones that get the most praise, attention and awards are the more boisterous, difficult ones. This seems so unfair on the the quieter children who like to be good and do as they're told

Don't feel bad, lots of friends and play dates outside school will not necessarily make a confident child in school. DD1 had always been very good at making friends, has loads of playdates, sleepovers etc (she's now 11), has loads of friends in playground and at out of school clubs, but hates speaking up in class, feels v self-conscious when doing anything which will draw attention to her from people other than her peers. She is getting better and has recently performed in a number of school music productions (including a solo!) but goes through agonies beforehand.
Don't worry too much (sadly it's the lot of parents) as your ds is only young and has a lot of growing up to do.

Thank you for your comments. It is so hard to know what to do for the best. I have the same problem with praise at school. You are right, the ones that are well behaved and good seem to get forgotton. He often says he never gets picked or when he is especially good he doesn't get rewarded like the naughty ones.

He sometimes comes home from school saying no one would play with him which always pulls on your heart strings, and I try and persuade him to just go up and join in. I'm not an overly confident person but I don't want that to rub off on him and try to show him that just talking to people makes a difference. eg when I take him to swimming classes etc he always asks how I know the parents and I say I don't but if you talk to people they are generally nice back.