Pointless rant. Feel free to ignore.

[Millionprammiles]

I hate school (dd loves it).

I hate the chaotic admin, last minute demands and utter futility of ever hoping someone will ever manage to call you back or reply to an email (or even read it).

I hate the archaic practices of 'letters in book bags' and 'respond in person by tomorrow'.

I hate trying to ingratiate myself with parents I have nothing in common with (other than our children were born in the same academic year) because I feel I have to otherwise dd will be friendless. (She won't).

I hate the guilt of being a working parent and not part of the 'school mums/PTA/after school playdates/our children are so popular'. Not that I want to hang out with these people just that dd will be scarred for life if I don't. (She won't).

I hate the 'oh don't worry I'll sort that out for you/bump you up the list/find a place for your kid because I know you from the PTA' versus 'sorry no idea, someone will call you back'. (They don't).

I hate the divisive cliques, gossiping, frosty stares if you dare suggest something could be improved and frankly just the sheer amount of women in one place. (In my defence I work in a female dominated team and love it).

I feel like I've unwittingly entered a cult.
Dd is happy so I shouldn't rant I know. Just needed to get it off my chest.
Continue as you were.

At our school we send letters because parents say they didn't see the text. We send texts because parents say they didn't receive a letter. We put information on the website and send a weekly newsletter, and a termly year group letter. We put notices on a covered board at the front of the school and in the corridors where the children come in..and STILL parents say they haven't been informed about things!
Luckily our school does not have a PTA so we never seem to get the instances you talk about, though we do have a few parents willing to help out school events. It doesn't get them any special privileges, though.
Admittedly, there are a few cliques of parents, but there are just as many parents who are capable of being independant.
I hate the term ' play dates '...it is part of feeling the need to organise every aspect of children's lives, including friendships.
Let them get on with it.
If they have a 'friend of the moment', invite them for tea. Chances are, there'll be a new friend in a few weeks.

YANBU! I feel like this and Ds is only at nursery school.

How do you know you'd have nothing in common with the other parents other than DC of the same age? Unless you met all of your friends doing the same hobbies that could apply to anyone. Nothing in common except working in the same place...went to the same Uni...went to the same school...grew up in the same area.....

I hate the haphazard communication via a jumble of laminated notices (Random "inspirational" quotes, "Today is domestic violence appreciation week", "There is a suspected cases of foot and mouth"- all given equal prominence.
I hate the weird rules for parents (E.g No cutting through the "car park" even though there is only ever one car in it and avoiding it nesecitated crossing an actual road!)
I hate the homework/barely disguised child protection trawling exercises: write what you ate for breakfast, write what your families rules are.
I hate being asked to find money or make costumes our of the blue

At the same time, I feel incredibly privileged that Ds is getting high quality nursery education.

I expect this ambivalence will last Ds's entire school career

barely disguised child protection trawling exercises

Rubbish. Utter rubbish. Teachers couldn't give a toss what kids ate for breakfast, unless it's a bag of hash cakes in which case the safeguarding duties we have do kick in... However, it's very easy for your child to learn to write when the subject is his or her own life. Children relate to the rest of the world through their own experiences.

The kids are 3 and 4. They can't write. The homework was for the parents.
I was being a bit flippant with the "child protection" comment.
But- The nusery is in a very deprived area. The teachers are almost messianic about inproving the childrens life chances. As I say- I feel privileged that DS can experiance that.
However- There is a very obvious cultural gap sometimes between the teachers and the parents. There is sometimes a palpable sense that they view us as a barrier to our kids life chances rather than an asset. Hence my feelings of ambivilence towards the nursery.
This particular assignment was with the pupose of "tying together nursery and home" and "getting parents to reinforce the healthy eating message".
So, yeah, they were interested in what we were feeding the kids. And its kind of awkward.

Hmmmm. There are many parents who are a barrier to effective learning by their offspring. No doubt your nursery already has children who are way behind when they enter the nursery. Their life chances are already diminished at age 3. So I would expect any decent nursery to try and address this. You are just caught up in it and no doubt you are an asset but I bet you cannot say this about every parent!

Our school is nothing like what OP describes. Schools send stuff by book bag, emails, text etc and yes people still claim they don't get it. The PTA busts a gut to raise extra funds for all and don't get any special treatment. Most parents work. In school play ground people just talk to who ever is stood there or don't if they don't want to. Kids organise times to play at each other's houses between themselves and ask parents if they can play. Some times parents organise it for their own convenience too e.g can x come to yours for a play as I need to to go xxx. Teachers work very hard for the benefit of all the children. Like all relationships, it's not always perfect but it's a two way process IMO

Ooh I hear you. YANBU.

6 years in, and I hate it.

The teachers are almost messianic about improving children's lives ... whoah, how awful of them.

Interesting comment from unlimited about the cultural differences between teachers and parents/kids. I come frm a working class are a and it was very clear that middle class teachers often just didn't 'get' the kids they were teachng. and this could have very bad effects.

Your child loves it.

And you put it in brackets like it's an afterthought.

That's all that matters.

None of the rest is important.

The fact that you rant on for several paragraphs about the minutiae actually says you are more bothered about it than you claim.

Have a read of some of the threads where parents are worrying their (often young) children are suicidal because of stuff that happens at school. Have a read of some of the threads where parents bang their heads against a wall for years trying to get help for their children, where their children are being bullied.

Then get yourself a nice big grip.

unlimited- you really don't have much of a clue about the EY curriculum do you?

You know, talking about food and drink, learning about rules etc.

Maybe you could do with a bit of a read.

Vintage, I wouldn't be impressed if ds's nursery gave out homework like that. There are better ways to encourage interest and learning in food. And I don't really think of our home life n terms of rules and I wouldn't want his nursery to encourage him to.
And Happy, unlimited spoke of feeling that nursery seems to regard parents as a barrier to improving life chances, which is a very different angle and suggests a need for a better engagement if parents are feeling a bit alienated by the approach.
I feel Unlimited was trying to give an insight into how she feels as a parent and think it is better to hear that than dismiss it.

Mellowmarsh. Unfortunately we cannot have everything we want from education and there is a massive drive to "close the gap" at the moment. It is highly likely that some parents will not want to be bothered to read to their child every day. They cannot find the time. Some parents barely speak to their children because they are on the phone all the time. Language delay is increasing. We know many children in deprived areas are not ready for school in very many ways - language, behaviour, concentration, etc. Parents do need to engage with the Nursery but it is frequently the case that they prefer to carry on with their lifestyle and not put much effort into the needs of their children. I clearly said I did not believe the OP to be like this.

There is also a problem with believing teachers do not "get" certain children. Why would this be the case? In most schools, teachers very much "get" the children. The curriculum is there for all. Schools desperately want children to do well, but school is also a place where good behaviour and a good learning culture is expected. Why should schools drop standards for a few children if their standards benefit the majority?

Why on earth does anyone think teachers are solely from the middle classes? We have had a largely comprehensive education for 50 years. The vast majority of teachers have come via state comprehensive schools. They are now thought of as middle class because they are teachers and have degrees, but many of them will have roots in the working classes. Why should talented people from any background not become teachers? Or should all the children of miners have gone straight down the pit? Or continued to be farm labourers or in the case of my DHs family, lacemakers and straw plaiters. People aspire to a better career and teaching is something people from all backgrounds train to do. Of course they "get" the children! If you mean that fewer white working class boys become teachers, you are probably right. However, they have the same chances at school as everyone else. It is a case of putting the effort in to make something of yourself. No-one is held back by a "middle class" teacher, especially if the teacher is outstanding.

Our school is nothing like that. All communication is via email, all reminders are via text. Most parents are working so aren't at pick up and we have a drop and go system in the mornings so you just arrive and leave your child to enter the supervised playground. There's no pressure to do the PTA thing, thank god and nobody cares if you do play dates or not. I couldn't bear a school like you mention

Tbh op I have no idea how you find the headspace for so much angst.

Most people don't bother to try and ingratiate themselves with anyone. Children choose their own friends, FWIW two of my dd's best friends' mums actively can't stand each other. The dcs are still friends though.

The PTA gets people no privileges at all, this is a myth unless you've gone in a time warp to 1985. The school has to treat all children fairly.

Gosh that's a lot of chips on your shoulder, OP.
Well the good news is, it only lasts for 7 yrs (primary). Then they go to secondary & you worry that you know very much too little about their friends/the other parents/what the school is up to.

Maybe you're giving it too much head space? You seem to have thought about it a lot.

It's only school. Your Dd loves it and that's something important. And once again, it's only school.

Sounds like you hate that particular school, and some aspects of it do sound unpleasant. But our school isn't like that at all. Sure a lot of others aren't. The main thing is your DD likes it so disengage from the parent issues and let go of the guilt and ingratiating inclinations. It is, as you say, pointless.