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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Stupid question, but what do I say to ds about missing me? (Starting school)

11 replies

Otterspotter · 25/09/2016 07:54

Ds has only just started school last week. He was at a nursery part time which he enjoyed.
I feel like since he has had such a long summer he has got out of the habit of having to part and say goodbye.
He has only been there two mornings so far and whilst we haven't had any big tantrums yet, I know he was holding in the tears on his second day and he woke up crying this morning saying he didn't want me to go.
I want to reassure him but, and I realise this is a silly question but what do I say to him apart from I'll always come to pick him up..? I don't know if it's helpful to emphasise that school isn't for very long- it probably feels quite long to him and anyway I want him to enjoy school. Feel like I need to give lots of reassurance now before it snowballs...

OP posts:

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BearFeet · 25/09/2016 08:02

I would talk about how all the big boys and girls go to school. Then all their mummies or daddies pick them up. Everybody does it and it's such good fun. Mummy went to school when she was 4 and loved it. Lots of new friends and things to learn and do.
I would also make the drop off as quick as possible and hand them over to the teacher.

eurochick · 25/09/2016 08:02

Tell him to go and have fun with his friends (or something at school he has mentioned he enjoys - emphasise the positives) and you will see him later.

LIZS · 25/09/2016 08:13

Mention something dull you are going to do which he wouldn't or couldn't the. You'll see him again at home time for something nice.

Muddlingthroughtoo · 25/09/2016 08:16

I always tell my LO about the boring things I have to do and about how I wish I could go to school and colour and paint. I tell him in a jokey way, how it's not fair and I'm going to tell his teacher he can't come to play today as he has to do all the boring chores in the house! I say I'll tell Her that he is not allowed to do anything fun and he'll have to learn how to clean, mow the lawn.....at which point he's sprinting into class!

Poocatcherchampion · 25/09/2016 08:17

I always (in my 3 weeks daily practice) say that I understand that she will miss me but she will also have a great time at school. Its normal to miss mummy and mummy will be missing you too and if she gets really sad to go see the teacher.

But she does love school so in some ways it is easy. She understands it is possible to miss mummy but also enjoy school.

museumum · 25/09/2016 08:24

I'm glad my ds is at private nursery cause he wobbles a bit after two weeks off. The summer would be too long. I think it's normal for post break wobbles - I just empathise and say I wish we were still on holiday too but now I have to work but we can do xyz after nursery/work.

TeacherBob · 25/09/2016 08:56

It tends to get worse after a few days too, because they realise that school is every day.
Just hugs and reassure that they will have fun.
I usually suggest 2 things...

tell them something you will do together when you get home (park, reading, puzzles etc)
I promise my daughter that if she goes to school for 5 days, then I will let her have 2 days at home. We tick it off on the chart.

HTH

catkind · 25/09/2016 12:03

DD and I have a secret stretchy rubber band tying us together. It stretches all the way from school to my work so we're still joined together.

jamdonut · 25/09/2016 15:55

This might sound callous, but the quicker and more perfunctory you make handover the better. The longer you hang on with the kisses and hugs, the worse it gets.
Really, unless you actually need to see the teacher for some reason, try to make it a quick "Bye, love you , see you at hometime!" and go. If they are crying when you leave, it won't last for long, we will divert their attention.

There are some parents who make a huge show of how much they love their children (E.g. kiss mummy, kiss daddy, kiss baby brother/sister, huge bear hugs, "love you sooooo much",hang their coat up for them, put their lunch box on the trolley for them, walk them to the classroom, big hugs and kisses again, etc,etc) - it is almost a competition! - and theirs will be the unsettled, " I want my mummy" children.

NB; I am absolutely NOT saying that I think this is how you are, OP!

Just generally pointing out that there are some people who really don't help the situation, with their "nobody-loves-their-children-more-than-me" attitude.

I like the secret stretchy rubber band idea catkind

JoandMax · 25/09/2016 16:01

With mine I've always emphasised how lucky they are to go to school, they'll learn so many exciting things which they can tell me and show me how to do when they get home. I tell them it's fine to miss me but I'll always be there at the end of the day and they can just think of me doing the washing or shopping or something boring so they don't get jealous!

Also agree with a short sharp goodbye. Quick kiss and an upbeat 'have a lovely day'. The more you stay around the more upset they get (well mine do anyway).

NotYoda · 25/09/2016 20:42

I used to tell mine what I would be doing, and tell them what they'd be doing

I'd also put a little smiley face picture in their packed lunch, and with one of them i gave him one of my hankies with a smiley face drawn in with permanent marker so he'd have it in his pocket all the time

he's 16 now

And yes to quick goodbyes, no lingering looks, no hanging about

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