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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Tits up second week back to school?

23 replies

Cherubneddy1 · 12/09/2016 22:40

DD came home from her new school today (year 1) saying she cried at school as no one would play with her . I'm gutted and feel so guilty after moving her from her previous ( private school) where she had a lot of close friends. We had to move her due to financial reasons.
DH thinks I need to toughen up. I'm crying into my Pinot Grigio, working out how we can afford to get her back to her old school.
We're only 6 days in. I'm being ridiculous aren't I? I can't understand why no one would want to play with my bright, beautiful and funny little girl. She's only just 5.
I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?

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Clankboing · 12/09/2016 22:48

Speak to the teacher. You may find that what she says may not completely be the case. And even if so, things will probably be better anyway by next week if not tomorrow.

ellyelly247 · 12/09/2016 23:22

You know you're being ridiculous, but I can absolutely sympathise with your ridiculousness. I feel the same about my own daughter.
Children at that age chop and change friendships so regularly, it really is nothing to be concerned about. One thing I've learnt is to not question her too closely about who she has played with so she doesn't pick up on your anxiety about it. My DD is quite an independent child, who is quite happy to play alone a lot of the time. She was telling me she was playing with people purely because she realised that's what I wanted to hear and it became a point of worry for her that she was playing alone.
Just relax, allow your DD to find her own way, and you will find in a few weeks she'll have settled in.

SummerSazz · 12/09/2016 23:26

Can you go in as a class helper to listen to readers? I did that and got to know all the children in dc's classes and they loved me being there - just a bit of physical support and y1's love adult helpers and may be more curious about getting to know your dd

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/09/2016 23:29

you are being a bit pessimistic but I totally understand how catastrophic it feels. We had to move a Yr3 dd. With autism.
That's worked out.
Your dd will have a breakthrough moment next week once everyone settled in and they forget she's new. Have a chat with the TA to ensure she's positioned to join in and stay positive.

pinkdelight · 13/09/2016 09:45

The start of a new year is tough for most little ones, let alone at a new school. But although it is heartrending to hear, please don't give it too much weight at this stage. My Y1 DC loves his school and has been there since nursery but still says similar things about how he walked around on his own all day/was upset/had no one to play with. Those experiences seem to be at the forefront of his mind when I ask him how his day was, but it's not the full picture and I know from talking to his teacher and his brother that he is very happy most of the time and these are just the normal ups and downs of a school day. Of course it will be harder for your DD until she gets to know the other children, but still, at that age the friendships are very fluid so some days they'll have a great time and other days no one will play with them. Sorry no easy answers, but hang in there and don't make any drastic decisions. It's especially tempting to see the reception year as being an idyll, but you had good reasons for moving her. Odds are she'll be settled in very soon and you'll only have the usual levels of school angst to contend with.

redskytonight · 13/09/2016 10:11

Do remember that "no one would play with me" often translates to "there was 5 minutes at lunch time when no one would play with me". Does she have a buddy? IME schools are generally very good at pairing up new children with ones that they think will help them settle in.

mouldycheesefan · 13/09/2016 10:28

Give it time it's very early days.
And nobody would play with me csn mean anything, it takes time to get to know people.

Comiconce · 13/09/2016 11:36

We did the same last year and moved our yr1 and yr4 children for the same reason. It took a few weeks of adjustment but they are now very settled and very happy. Give it time

louisejxxx · 13/09/2016 20:02

I echo pp's...double check what she has said is actually the case as a lot of the time the bits they remember are the "worst" bits and they seem like the be all and end all when actually, there was 2 minutes where she wasn't being played with because she was the first out of the lunch hall and no one else had finished eating her or similar xx

louisejxxx · 13/09/2016 20:03

^ please ignore my disastrous typo there. Hopefully none of her peers are planning on swallowing her up!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 13/09/2016 20:08

Organise a couple of play dates if you can. It will help.

Ferguson · 13/09/2016 20:09

I didn't know what "Pinot Grigio" was - but just looked it up.

Maybe if you forsook the Pinot Grigio, then you WOULD still be able to keep her at the original school.

BossWitch · 13/09/2016 20:12

Ferguson, stop being a wanker.

EarthboundMisfit · 13/09/2016 20:19

It's bound to be a tough transition but I think she is at a good age for a move. I'd tell the teacher she's finding it tough and give it a go for a while..reassess at half term.

My sons have just gone into Y2. At the start of Y1 one told me no one would play with him. I spoke to his teacher who was shocked. She observed him at playtime and I was able to as well.

He was NEVER alone for more than a minute. He's really settled and happy now. Friendships are so fluid at that age and they are still learning so much about how to interact. The difference between the start of Y1 and Y2 is huge in social development.

Original poster

Cherubneddy1 · 13/09/2016 22:38

Thanks so much for your replies! And Ferguson, thanks for making me chortle! You may have a point .
Yes, I am being ridiculous. And I totally agree that I need to stop questioning her about who she's been playing with, for both our sakes.

She ran off into the playground this morning without even looking back at me. I don't think I need to worry about her just yet in terms of friends.

OP posts:

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 14/09/2016 07:10

Am in a similar situation as my DD (Y2) has moved schools this year - though it's nothing to do with my over-consumption of Pinot Grigio I should add.

She made firm friends on day 1 with a girl and I was a little dubious about it lasting. Sure enough the little girl ran off and ignored her yesterday morning. DD didn't say anything about it but it's unnerved me.

Is it worth checking in with the class teacher (who is also new), or should I leave it? I don't want to keep asking DD who she played with or make her anxious.

Original poster

Cherubneddy1 · 14/09/2016 11:28

Loveisagirl, is she happy going into school? If she is, I would leave it. In our situation, DD has showed no reluctance at all about going to school, and happily skips in. No more mention of no one to play with, but I haven't asked! When I dropped her off this morning I could see her playing on her own in the playground, but she looked perfectly happy, playing with a hula hoop. I think they are more resilient than we are when they are so young! And I know DD and most other girls that age I have observed will routinely ignore each other, they haven't always grasped the social norms of greeting each other!

Anyhow, I hope your DD is ok. I'm finding this school move tougher than her I think. I miss the comfort of seeing my friends (other mums and dads) at drop off, and knowing all the staff well, and seeing her playing with her close friends. This school doesn't seem very friendly for me or her! I'm lucky if I get a hello back from the other mums. Still, early days I suppose

OP posts:

Comiconce · 14/09/2016 12:37

Cherubneddy1 It's quite possible I miss the dc's old school more than they do!

MunchCrunch01 · 14/09/2016 17:22

i do think it's good advice to see if you can volunteer a few mornings a week, good way for you to get to know people too. my dd isn't that confident and it seems to help her feel more at home.

Original poster

Cherubneddy1 · 14/09/2016 18:08

It's a lovely idea to volunteer but unfortunately I work full time, so it's not possible. How does anyone find time to do it?!

OP posts:

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 14/09/2016 21:42

Cherub She goes into school without a problem so I think it's bothering me more than her! I am going to talk to the teacher though as she has a lot of anxiety at the moment (and has for about a year so I know it's not related to the school move). She's been crying tonight about me dying and the topic of death comes up regularly.

PumpkinPie9 · 14/09/2016 21:50

I remember when dd was in year 1 and they had moved the classes around from the year before so that none of her friends were in the same class. She told me that she sat on the buddy bench but "no one came." I was gutted but i contacted her teacher and she was very concerned and helpful. Things improved and she's now quite popular and has a lovely time at school. She comes home full of funny anecdotes.

AlphaBites · 15/09/2016 18:33

Mine has also changed schools too, (Y3)claims some of the children are nice but some are doing some unkind things to her. Her teacher is on the ball with it though.

Mine seems happy in herself to play on various equipment on the school by herself quite happily and says she likes too, but also does struggle socially.

I don't know how long to leave it before talking to her teacher about it without sounding like an over anxious parent

She isn't that bothered about it at the moment - but I know it'll kick in later when it comes to working in pairs or in a team.

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