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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Home schooling

32 replies

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 11:25

My partner has informed the school that our DD will commence home schooling in September, without my agreement. The head teacher told me that there's nothing I or the school can do to stop it. I have strongly objected it with my partner because our DD would loose out on interactions with other children, school activities, and that my partner is not a qualified teacher. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:

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mouldycheesefan · 27/07/2016 11:33

Is your partner the parent of your child? Are they your current partner or an ex, do they have parental responsibility?

Jackie0 · 27/07/2016 11:37

So what's the background to this ?
Are you separated?

Original poster

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 13:27

Yes, my partner is the parent and we are together.

OP posts:

lovelilies · 27/07/2016 13:28

I don't know how you would resolve this if you have joint PR.
Maybe post on Home Ed board for advice

Jackie0 · 27/07/2016 13:34

So your partner proposes to take on the actual teaching role?
Is this feasible? Are they a stay at home parent?
It's unusual for a big decision like this to be made without both parents being in agreement but you might want to do some research and speak to the HS families before you decide against it completely.
It can work very well and parents that do HS are not usually trained teachers but they know how to use the available resources .

absolutemug · 27/07/2016 13:35

Who will be home educating the child? If it's your partner then you presumably have a big say as you'll be financing him/her being off work?

Original poster

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 14:47

My partner is will be educating our DD. My partner hadn't work since our DD was born 8 years ago.

I am shocked that it's possible to take a child out of full time education with just a simple notice from one parent. There should be a law against this. After all, it's not possible to take children out early for holidays.

OP posts:

MidnightVelvettheSixth · 27/07/2016 14:52

How old is your DD?

Maybe phone the admission team at the local council & see what they require to leave a school setting, whether notice from one parent is OK.

Why do you not have an equal relationship with your partner, your opinion is as valid as theirs...

Whatslovegottodo · 27/07/2016 14:57

I can't believe they would do this. It seems so wrong it is allowed and not a good sign for your relationship in general to not discuss such huge decisions. But I'm sure you know that already. So nothing useful to add but hope it resolves for you.
What is your partners reasoning for this? What is your child's thoughts?

tootiredforthissh1t · 27/07/2016 15:05

Has your DD been having problems at school? What has precipitated this massive decision your DP has made seemingly against your wishes?

icouldabeenacontender · 27/07/2016 15:08

Presumably there is more to this?
It's a massive decision to make without consultation with the other parent.
is all decision making this one sided?

TheSunnySide · 27/07/2016 15:14

it is entirely possible and a;;owed.

link

is it your partner you disagree with or the ease of the system?

Original poster

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 16:27

My partner has always been unreasonable, and single minded. To avoid arguments, I always gave in and stayed silent, even though I am the bread winner. We don't have much of a relationship, as we don't agree on most things.

Reason to remove my DD from school was DD said she didn't like her maths teacher, as he favoured another child, and my partner blames all DD's bad (to me normal childish) behaviour on her class mates, eg talking too fast.

The school is an outstanding school, in a posh area. My partner has always been neurotic and highly emotional. The only thing I can do is just close my eyes, and allow this to happen as there's no authority I can turn to, and if I call social services then divorce is imminent, and my partner will take DD to Australia.

I feel so frustrated and trapped.

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Jackie0 · 27/07/2016 16:41

This sounds horrendous.
I'm quite pro home schooling but there are clearly massive problems in your relationship and conflicting parenting styles .
Would your spouse really take your dd to Australia ? Is he/she from Australia ?
To be honest I don't see your marriage surviving in the long term anyway , based on what you've said here .
At least if there was a formal split you could appeal to the court for help with decisions like these.
Home schooling is a huge undertaking , is there any chance your spouse will get fed up with it and change their mind ?

TheSunnySide · 27/07/2016 17:31

If you have joint parental responsibility then surely he/she can't just take them to Australia.

Original poster

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 20:23

My partner is from Australia, and our DD has dual citizenship. They can just leave, and I would have to support them financially as my partner has very little savings and not much work experience.

DD already attended 4 different schools in 4 years, and she did well wherever she went. I love my DD, and it breaks my heart to see her brought up like this. I only want our DD to grow up normally, but instead she's being cloned to be like my partner and she sees me negatively as I often objected to decisions my partner makes.

I hope my partner will soon learn home schooling is not working for our DD. If it continues, then I would rather have them leave than to see my DD poorly educated and a failure in the future.

OP posts:

Andbabymakesthree · 27/07/2016 21:00

I suggest you seek a good family solicitor and also counselling to help you understand how destructive this relationship is.

Also speak to solicitor about lodging passport with them and taking out a prohibitive steps order.
Time to rock the boat. This is just the start.

Andbabymakesthree · 27/07/2016 21:01

Sounds like your partner doesn't want to work either.

uhoh1973 · 27/07/2016 21:22

My partner is also strong willed and difficult to negotiate with but this sounds bonkers. 4 schools in 4 years... Writing to the school without agreement with you. I would give them an ultimatum - they either start co-parenting with you or you will do it on your own. Say it and mean it. Why do you think your partner would necessarily 'get' the child? Surely if you can show their actions are somewhat irrational you have as good if not better chance for custody?

Original poster

roses1000 · 27/07/2016 21:35

The problem is that my DD loves my partner much more than me. She will never want to stay with me. Hence for my sanity sake, I think it's better for them to leave.

Anyway, it's now getting off topic.

Thanks for your concerns.

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uhoh1973 · 27/07/2016 21:53

It sounds like you are being hard on yourself. Any child will 'love' the parent who gives them more icecreams etc but is this the best thing for the child? Don't give up. Maybe try to get mediation to discuss this with your partner?

Fortybingowings · 27/07/2016 23:18

Is this for real? There's been a lot of made up threads recently.....

Just5minswithDacre · 27/07/2016 23:37

This is unworkable.

End game; no he/she can't simply remove your DD from the UK. You can get a specific issue order on that NOW rather than go through the rigmarole of having her returned after the event.

The marriage sounds dead. Get out, get legal advice, establish that Australia is not going to happen and get into mediation about the education issue.

Pursue a child arrangements order giving you 50/50 physical and legal custody and get family therapy in place.

Home Ed is a perfectly viable route for many people. Your partner's issues sound much broader than Home Ed.

Start fighting for your child's psychological health!

Just5minswithDacre · 27/07/2016 23:54

If it comes to it, you can get a specific issue order re education too.

But living together is actually complicating the situation and just sounds farcical.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 28/07/2016 08:53

The specific order issue over leaving the country is probably the greater priority. I think I'd rather get that in place before attempting to stand up to your partner over the schooling.

Would you be able to seek proper legal advice without him finding out?

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