How to tell the parents

[Lizziewarmington]

Child in my class is obviously unhappy. Does the work but unenthusiastic about everything really, refuses to do homework at home but happily does it at school. Her parents, despite being told otherwise went down the dyslexic route and as expected screening was negative. Bottom line is x is still very upset about their divorce- talks about it, writes poems about it and constantly craves adult attention. Feel so sorry for the child and support as best we can in a school setting but .... It's home the child needs the attention from but there's no easy way to say it.

Have a matter of fact meeting with the parents to tell them you're worried their daughter isn't very happy at the moment-show them the poems etc. Make sure you don't come across as judgy (your comment about needing attention at home gives away what you think of them). Even if the parents are doing everything right and supporting their child properly some children still struggle to accept it. You need to make sure the tone of the meeting is about how you can all work together to support the child, not how you think they're not doing that at home.

Do you do any programmes in school like seal.?
I'm not a teacher but a governor and I know that my school does programmes like that on groups of children with low self esteem and emotional issues. Also are there any counselling services the school can access?

Can they have a break from homework? Maybe that's causing stress at home for some reason or another. I'd agree with having a gentle, unblaming word, maybe include the suggestion of just reading together or something for now.

(I say that as a parent of a child who finds doing homework stressful and had been advised at times to focus on reading)

You just say it straight out. X seems unhappy, is displaying behaviours a,b,c. We are concerned. If you have poems etc that concern you, show them to the parents. If they ask for your opinion you can make specific suggestions, but otherwise just outline the issues that you're seeing and let them deal with them as they think best.

Surely you should be asking your colleagues about how to do this as opposed to on an open message board?

Child protection is so important and if there is any way of identifying you from your profile then this could cause no end of problems for both yourself and the child concerned.

Sorry, I never write negative posts in these forums but if that was my child you were talking about then I would be furious.