Play dates and independent schools ?

[Chalk2000]

My child is in year 1 at an independent school. We have had our child's school report recently from the teacher which was glowing all round including socialising .

We were pleased to hear our child is socialising well and getting on with the others as play dates seem totally non existent ? I know they are happening as I've heard other parents making arrangements for others to play...

I appreciate in the private sector due to after school clubs etc play dates don't happen as much ... However We went through the whole of last summer without seeing one person from the school. Child gets invited to plenty of parties I say hello to parents I'm just not sure what to make of it...I have had 3 children now come over to play at our house (1 reciprocated back) Child also get invited to kids houses outside school . Is this really a big deal ? Just concerned there might be some cliquiness going on ...

Um... Speaking as someone with dc in state and private schools, the whole play date thing is the same.

State school children go to clubs too, and have extracurricular interests. We don't have special Waitrose play dates for dc in independent schools and Lidl ones for the state school kids.

The "socialising" bit on the report is about behaviour at school. Teachers don't have the time or energy to stalk their pupils' social diaries and give a grade for them.

Not Really a state school vs private post...
Just generally wondering do kids play at each other's a lot at this age?

We have moved from state to private and we have had fewer play dates this year certainly - I think mainly because most children are in after school club to some extent on various days of the week and the wider geographic catchment. I can only do play dates on a Friday for instance due to work but my dc swim on a Friday so we don't often bother.

They see each other at school every day - I'm pretty relieved to not be caught up in weekly play dates tbh!!

Thankyou for your reply chalkyC . Good points

One issue with independent schools can sometimes be the distance some children live from the school. It's not as easy to organise if children live much further from the school and opposite directions. Sometimes it just can't be done as easily and needs a bit more planning.

However, that said, Dd did have a lot of going to friends to play after school and lots coming to us. But it involved more driving around by me - or more usually dh. He'd pick Dd up after work. Also meant that play dates often lasted longer - as Dd wasn't picked up til 6:30 or so (and likewise for her friends here.)

I am a bit confused as you say play dates are non existent but you also say your child goes to play at other children's houses outside of school friendships and you have children to your house to play.
Regardless of whether a fee paying school or not, after school clubs etc do get in the way of play dates. My children have some kind of after school club every day of the week. We try to arrange to play with friends at the weekend or school holidays but it is tricky as their friends also have extra curricular commitments. However they do see their friends at some of their out of school activities such as brownies.
Agree that wider catchment is an issue at fee paying schools.
Also, if you have had three lay dates at your house and one invite back, that is not a bad hit rate!

A year 1 child who has done an after school club is probably going to be too tired for a further activity (even just playing with another friend who has been to same club, or one which finishes nearby at about the same time).

This will apply to both state and independent sector pupils.

There are many state sector pupils who attend ASCs.

IME these are usually arranged when chatting at pick-ups or matches etc (so more difficult for a mother who is n't there then), are often spontaneous when a DC comes out and says can so and so come to play and usually on evenings when DC has nothing else on. If a DC is at a school where each DC even in the early years have a packed EC timetable in and out of school then unfortunately that flexibility and spontaneity disappears. The other alternative is to offer to help with pick-ups from school and activities.

It's nothing to do with independent schools. This pattern can just emerge. Get hard nosed about it. You want your DC to have playdates because you want them to have friends and socialise, so keep inviting people back and don't keep score of how often others reciprocate (though it's hard not to.)

Try and mix socially with the other mums. DC are at independent secondary and the mums are very good at holding one or two socials per term just to stay on good terms with each other on behalf of the DC. Some are close socially outside of this, but there's no need to be if you have little in common. It's just a good idea to stay friendly. Maybe suggest a mums' drinks evening or similar.

Thankyou for all your responses. Realised I am probably over analysing this one. Just wondered with all the extra curricular activities meeting up with the children won't happen as much. I attend all the socials and get together just to "touch base" with the others. Probably do need to just invite others and not think too much about reciprocation rates !! etc xx

Or just be like me and be upfront with my "no after school play dates" rule. I explain that we often have things on after school, plus homework, plus I have a toddler and my eldest is just too tired. Nobody bats an eyelid.

We do, however, have play dates in the school hols which tend to get arranged plenty of time in advance. They are no stress enjoyable experiences. The thought of after school sends me running for the hills!!!!!

As other says it gets harder with children extracurricular activities, working parents, distances. Some people are very busy and can't bother. We don't have that many but I make sure to invite my daughters best friends every now and again and I know when their mums are able they reciprocate. Just make sure you daughter invites her best friends when you can.