When your child says that the teacher doesn't like them

[tryingtogetagrip]

WWYD? Infant age, consistent comment since before Christmas, causing tears and tantrums at home. At first, I thought tiredness, but maybe not.
I can hardly tell the teacher directly can I? I could try to arrange a meeting to ask if all okay. But if teacher thought all not okay, surely we would have been told. DH reckoned kids say this kind of thing all the time when what they mean is that the teacher told them off for singing at the back of the class / pushing in the line etc. Just after some advice really.

Normally the kids that say that are the little sods in class that act up all the time.

We had that one from DS at preschool, and yes, it turned out he had been told off about something. I think it's a good idea to speak to the teacher, not in an accusing way but more why would he say that, has he been having any difficulties? Even though there had been discipline problems, preschool staff were still concerned to hear DS thought he wasn't liked and sorted that side, and we were able to reinforce the discipline issue at home too.

Going against the grain...DD told me her teacher didn't like her and it really changed DD's confidence and personality . She was a model pupil and we'd always been told how well behaved and hard working she was. I mentioned to her teacher that DD felt she picked on her a lot. The teacher responded with "well we can't rub along with all the students can we?". The headteacher pretty much agreed with the teacher so we moved school and DD is much happier. I wouldn't just assume your DC is upset about being told off

Honestly I think your DH is right and that she is correcting him for misbehaviour, which he doesn't like. Talk to her though and see what she says- if she really doesn't like him it will out, but equally you have to be prepared to hear difficult things he's been doing.

As a teacher I have had children who were difficult to like in my class and I spent the year practically counting down to being free of them - you can't like every child. But it is very, very important that you don't show that.

Do you know any of your DS's classmates/their parents? Sometimes the other children are a useful source of verification, even at that young age.

I've had situations with DS1 at school, admittedly Y1 not Kindy, where something has happened in class and I've got at least 3 versions of it, from which it's usually possible to piece together what actually happened, before talking to the teacher.

If the other children say that your DS is always playing up and needing to be told off, then your DH is possibly right - but if there is animosity towards your DS, then the other children may have picked up on it.

Obviously I'm not saying to take their word for it verbatim - just to get a "feel" from them, if possible, as to what the situation might be.

Advice and perspectives very helpful thank you!
Possibly PFB is the class terror, but on past form that seems unlikely. Of course what I get at home may be sweetness and light! But I could have a 'how are we getting on' chat with the teacher and ask. No formal meetings till end of spring term, and I would like to know before then I think.
What makes me think there might be a grain of truth in the 'teacher doesn't like me' story is that there has been a gradual loss of confidence over the year. But maybe work is just harder now. Also, we had a friend from the class over last night for tea and she said as she was leaving 'I love littletrying. We all know Mrs T doesn't like littletrying and that's why she's mean, but I do'.
Maybe Mrs T is mean because littletrying is playing up, and maybe you win friends in class by playing up in an entertaining manner. I'm going to have to ask, aren't I. And prepare to be told that my child is not the angel I like to think

Or maybe she doesn't like him and it's obvious enough that his friends have noticed too...

I'd say firstly, you will hear that over the tears and most of the time it isn't true. Dd2 (year 7) has told us about 1/2 the teachers can't stand her class. We know it isn't true as dh is a governor and whenever they're saying what a lovely class any in year 7 is it's always hers.

The only time any of mine have been not getting on with the teacher it was other parents that told me from things they'd noticed. Children tend to assume either the teacher is right, or back their friend totally whether they did it or not.

Over the years not tears.

I've had 16 years of school parenting. In all that time, there has been one teacher who really didn't like one of mine- it was obviously a personality clash. There were faults on both sides- he was a bit cocky, she was a bit dour, but she really shouldn't have let it show. And in the other case, some of dd's friends were saying that a particular teacher didn't like them, but I ignored it because dd got on well with her. Then I asked dd about it and she said "oh, yes it's true- I'm OK because she likes me!" Interestingly, she left teaching shortly afterwards- don't know if she was burnt out, or just an unfair git.

So it does happen. Probably not as often as children thinks it does. But it does.

It certainly happens, so I'd go and have a tactful word with the teacher, just in case.

I'm a teacher who is currently going through this with a family. The child goes home and tells the parent that "She hates me", while I'm begging the parents to talk to me about joint strategies we could try to help child to make better choices about their classroom behaviour. They are very, very difficult indeed. I therefore tell them off a lot. Therefore, I appear to 'hate' them.

With another child, earlier in the year, I apparently didn't like them either because (as it turned out) they were finding the transition from KS1 to KS2 to be too demanding.

I can't win.

Do please talk to the teacher. If nothing else, you'll get to hear the other side of the picture.

I would tell the teacher directly. Sort of...
My child is tears every night telling me you don't like him/ her. I'm sure there isn't anything you've purposedly done but could we please think this through to try and work out what might have happened? I really need to get to the bottom of it or else will need to ask to change teacher/ school.
Depending on response I may even put in writting what has been agreed. That only depends though. The teacher may be happy to work with you.

I've PMed you