A thread for mums unhappy with new class arrangements

[littlecupcake]

DD is moving from Reception into Year 1 and on Friday they were sent home with the letters announcing the new class teachers.

For the second year running DD has been separated from the friends she's made and is, once again, in a class where she'll have to form new friendships.

I'm really upset. But it's not worth saying anything to school is it? They'll never change classes once they've been allocated

How can it be for the 2nd year running if she's only in Reception? Presume you mean she wasn't put with pre-school friends, which is a little different?

Is she not even with one friend that she likes - that would be quite unusual (in fact my DC's schools have always asked them to list people they want to be with the proviso that they will be with at least 1?). tbh reception friendships really aren't that strong that it's a big deal, and she can still play with her other friends at breaks/lunch (and see them more if the school does across the year teaching).

Well you don't lose anything by saying something - this happened in my ds1s R to Y1 transition and they did change the classes. (Although in that case the classes ended up a bit of a mess and some of the complaining parents ended up regretting it...)

But actually I would tend to agree with pp, friendships can change a lot at this age and dc tend to be very open to playing with anyone and everyone so I wouldn't stress it.

DD went to the nursery stabbed to the school and the majority of pupils went straight into Reception. She had a really solid friendship with Child A throughout nursery and they were split at the start of Reception they were put into different classes. DD has made another good friend - Child B - this year (plays with several children but only really one that she talks about at home) and Child B is now in the other class, with Child A.

DD is easy going and I know she'll make new friends. But all I can see is the other children have all gone up with a friend and DD is having to start all over again.

Friendships are so fluid at this age. It's harder when they get older and have more intense friendships i think.

I would say something simply because they may not even realise.

I think their is a misunderstanding about what makes teachers view people as 'that parent' - it isn't about the asking (eg is there a reason dd wants placed with child b), its about how you react when they give the reason.

If you're told there are confidential reasons then you have to let it go. Schools genuinely have children's best interests at heart. The parents we struggle wit are those who insist that their child is put first ahead of everyone else.

There not their and wasn't not wants

Ah OK, so it's one specific child that she wanted to be with and isn't .. that's a bit different to being totally separated from all her friends! In fact that's one reason that schools do separate children - if they think a friendship is too intense/exclusive. Is your DD actually bothered by it, or is it more you?

They have to weigh everything up. Everyone's needs. Is she upset or are you?
IME, children are able to maintain a real friendship across classes and it may even benefit them.

I agree with WellThen

Mention it, but it does come over a little bit that you feel she's been hard done by with no mention of how she feels. It's good that she's laid back and resilient

Don't ask! Think of all this experience she will get making new friends, when she is older she will be the sort of person who can get on with everyone.
School is about learning social skills as well as academic ones let her learn.

Our school deliberately split up reception friendships. They are too young to make lasting friendships and all open to new friends at this age - totally different at Y5/6 when groups are more established and they are all becoming stroppy young ladies :)

Just roll with it and keep an eye, she will be fine!

I would say something, but only if you think it will affect her confidence, or make her unhappy.

I asked that DD was put in a different class to her friend Friend mom didnt know it was me - and went in ranting. . This child was controlling and id had enough ... not saying that of your child but does happen.

Classes are arranged according to many different criteria.

You are talking about your dd being separated from one child each time. I would strongly suspect that the teachers decided either one or both of the children would benefit from being in separate classes. Yes, they may be friends, but they may also distract each other, or be overly reliant, or have regular fall outs, or exclude others... All, or any of these reasons would lead me to separate two children when I was looking at class arrangements.

Having said that, I generally talk to parents before I separate friends and give the reasons why.

I think that all you can do is go and speak to the teacher about it, but do it to find out why the decision was made so that you can support your dd in the new arrangement, rather than seeking to change what has already been decided.

I can tell you my DS was asked in reception 2 children he wanted to be with. One was a boy who he stood next to in line and had just had register after lining up to go in and the other my friends DS who we had gone out to tea with the night before. He didn't play with either in year 1 despite been in the same class.

I have prewarned my DS this year I believe he will be split up from his friends as they distract each other. I really don't blame the teachers when they do.

Not saying this is the case for your DD but you never know. They may of been asked and the girls had fell out or they may not work well together.

Thanks for all your replies. Over the weekend we have learned where some more children are going and it still looks like the core group of girls is in one class with just my DD in the other. I have asked for a chat with the teacher - not so she will be moved - so that she can tell me a few of the girls that she had in mind as friends for DD. My biggest worry is that one of the girls (who is probably the eramarked friend) has been quite nasty to DD, saying things like you can't play and your mum is horrible. Rather than be the parent who goes and tells the teachers, I've encouraged DD to find other children to play with. I can't help feeling now that I should've gone in and mentioned it at the time but I didn't want the teachers thinking I was interfering.

FWIW I am a teacher myself and I know that classes are balanced in so many ways - old/young, boy/girl, range of ability, SEN etc etc. But friendships are always a consideration. DD, I was told at at parents evening, prefers to join in with a particular activity rather than follow a particular friend around. I know this will stand her in good stead but if it was noticed back then I thought the teachers may have encouraged her to develop more secure friendships by not splitting her for a second year in a row. I have not been made aware of any behaviour concerns with particular children that may have prompted such a split.