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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Unaccompanied play dates and parties

17 replies

Bramerton2015 · 22/03/2015 08:54

My daughter is in year R at school and the parties they have had the parents still attend with the children. I remember when I was at school my parents never sat with me at parties... When do people start to let there children go to parties on there own ?
I was also wondering at what age is it acceptable for children to come over and play without being accompanied by parents ? Or does it just vary on the parents ?

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fellowship33 · 22/03/2015 08:58

We did play dates without parents in reception but only with kids we'd known at nursery - dd didn't like going anywhere else. If it doesn't feel easy for the kids I would just go to the park with other parents and kids. I have never had parents round just so the kids can play - and parents that have been round are people I made friends with.

thenextday · 22/03/2015 08:59

I had children after school on their own from year one....but I knew these children already as I was friends with their mums.
I had a circle of five friends and we would regularly have each others children for the afternoon. From the age of 3.
I only had small parties too...up to 6 dcs so no parents.

Original poster

Bramerton2015 · 22/03/2015 09:05

My DD would like kids over play but thinking about waiting till there a bit older (year1) hopefully settle down friendship wise then could offer to have them for tea after school

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thenextday · 22/03/2015 09:08

fellowship exactly what I did.
Probably year 2 "new" friends came round but definitely not with parent. Mine are 2 years apart so it was easier to have a friend for each of them.

iliketea · 22/03/2015 09:13

My dd is also year R and all parties (5 at the last count) this year have been drop off and collect afterwards.. Dd's was one of the first and i gave parents the option of staying if they or their child wanted, and only 1 stayed (parent was more worried than the child actually).

iliketea · 22/03/2015 09:14

Meant to say, dd didn't know any of the children before starting school, so it wasn't as if they all knew me from when they were young.

bigglesgoggles · 22/03/2015 09:23

I was often the parent that stayed at parties and first couple play dates.
Only reason being, my DD was a little behind her peers socially and emotionally, which would often result in challenging behaviour.
I didn't feel it would be fair on the hosting parent to leave them to deal with that, along with everything else, so would be there as extra support.
My DD has now come on so well that I can happily leave her now, aged 6. (Thank goodness!!)

mrz · 22/03/2015 09:25

When my children were in nursery some parents happily left their children others opted to remain ... I don't think there's a hard and fast rule. Parents know their child so can make the decision to stay or go on how well the child will cope on their own.

YonicScrewdriver · 22/03/2015 09:26

By the end of reception, most parents were drop and go at parties.

strawberryshoes · 22/03/2015 09:27

Kids we have known since preschool (and who have been over with parents while kids were at preschool) now come alone. DD is in reception.

Kids who were new to the class in reception have come with a parent for the first time, and then if it went well, they have come back on their own.

Parties - I have stayed so far and I think I will until she is settled into year 1. Or maybe even longer if the party seems like it will be fun to watch!

mrz · 22/03/2015 09:28

I remember being horrified that my mother had allowed my reception age daughter to go to a friend's house for tea (unaccompanied) after school without asking me!

Luna9 · 22/03/2015 09:29

Depends on how independent the child is and how well you know the other parents. In year 1 most should be ready

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 22/03/2015 09:31

Yes, parents staying at parties seemed to phase out during Year R for us, DS has AS and needed more support than most so I was still staying with him some of the time, depending on the activity through to Year 2, but most parents stopped before me. Playdates - no parents even in year R generally, although sometimes if I was friends with the other parent it would be turn up to collect and stay for a cuppa and chat.

Buttercupsandaisies · 22/03/2015 11:53

After reception most parents don't stay. Most wouldn't come for tea it then I'd probably leave tea til year one for this reason. Unless they are a good friend then I don't really want the parents coming as it's a play day for the kids not me!

Most parents I know don't stay at parties and most people I know prefer that, especially if you are hosting the party. It's a nightmare I think if parents stay and invariable that means siblings stay which is think makes the whole thing more pressured for the host as they have to start worrying about drinks and snacks for them too. I'd find it odd if someone stayed from year 2.

noramum · 22/03/2015 13:43

We didn't do a lot of playdates in YR, we both work and DD has after school activities. But in the holidays we had them and they girls came without parents. I think by then most children knew us at least by sight and the parents as well.

For parties it depended on the host and the venue. At softplays DD insisted on us staying, in halls - if she knew the parent well enough - she shushed us out. We were led by her, if she wanted us to stay we did.

There were normally always some parents staying behind, especially one DD knew good enough to go to if she was distressed.

I think we stayed in the first term as most of the parents used it as an opportunity to get to know each other.

MrsChocolateBrownie · 22/03/2015 20:34

Ds has gone to play dates unaccompanied, and had unaccompanied friends to play - we didn't know anyone when he started but it's a small village school nearby and most parents have got to know each other very well.
I still accompany him to parties, adding oat parents, as sometimes he just gets overwhelmed by it all - and I also have to check he can eat everything offered due to his intolerances x

MMmomKK · 24/03/2015 10:47

My experience with DD1 was that first/only children used to come to playdates with parents at the beginning of Reception, before we all got to know each other. I still remember my shock when we asked a new friend to a playdate in Oct. or YR and her mom said - yes, she'll come with you. I could not believe that she'll go with a stranger. But, turns out she was child No.3, and had no problems coming whatsoever.

By the end of YR with DD1 most playdates and many parties became drop-offs.

Now, with DD2 - I see a clear difference. She is perfectly happy to go to playdates by herself. And so are her friends, who are also not the only children.

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