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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Advice please!

12 replies

Bigblackbog · 10/01/2015 14:13

My 4yo DD has very challenging behaviour, the best way I have found to deal with this is to put her in her room to calm down. She needs to be physically put in her room (often as she kicks and screams) as she won't go when told as my older boys will. The last time I had to do this I caught her arm with my nail and left a small mark. The day after she returned to school I was asked into her classroom (while the rest of her class was being collected) and told she had said I pinched her and was asked how it happened. Completely shocked, I explained how it happened that it was an accident and that I was very upset to see I'd left a mark. Now I'm hurt, angry and scared that the school who I have had a 6 year relationship with could ask or even consider me capable of hurting my child. My trust in the school and my DDs teacher have been shaken, and I don't know whether I should ask the school for an explanation. Don't see a way forward.

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tobysmum77 · 10/01/2015 14:25

They have to ask, there's no judgement on you everyone knows that accidents happen. Dd was asked, explanation not 100% clear so they asked you. It's good they are on the ball and look out for the children surely?

footallsock · 10/01/2015 16:05

They have to ask. Don't worry - its policy probably and nothing more

tumbletumble · 10/01/2015 16:24

Don't be offended, it's nothing personal. As others have said, they have to ask.

Littlefish · 10/01/2015 17:16

I'm a teacher. We have to ask these questions. The alternative would be to go straight to social services with every small concern. That would be completely inappropriate.

I had to speak to a parent when their child had marks on their wrist and said it was where mummy had grabbed her. It turned out that the child was about to run into the road and her mum had just grabbed the nearest part of her, scratching her in the process. It was a completely logical and reasonable explanation.

However, I am a little concerned that your dd has temper tantrums which are so severe that you feel your only course of action is to physically remove her to another room. Have you asked for any support with her behaviour? As your dd gets bigger, you will not be able to deal with her behaviour in this way, so it would be good to get some help with it now.

Original poster

Bigblackbog · 10/01/2015 18:47

Who can I ask?

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CharlesRyder · 10/01/2015 18:53

Are there any behavioural issues at school? If so ask for a meeting with the SENCo and they should be able to signpost you. You could also go to your GP and explain the difficulties you are having and they will signpost you to support.

CharlesRyder · 10/01/2015 18:57

I would say, on reflection, ask for a meeting with school anyway. If there are no behavioural difficulties it would be good to share notes about your DD and what is different for her between home and school.

I have a 4yo too and have been a specialist teacher for children with behavioural difficulties for over 10 years so I know there is support out there for you! It's guise will depend what the underlying problems are though, which I can't possibly guess at over the interweb.

Original poster

Bigblackbog · 10/01/2015 20:36

No problems at school, she's lovely and helpful, if a little too chatty! TBH I'm nervous to speak to the school after last week.

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Littlefish · 10/01/2015 20:56

Please don't be nervous. They will want to help. We all know how hard being a parent can be and we all need help from time to time. There may be a family support worker attached to the school who can meet with you.

Do you have a children's centre near you? They may also be able to help.

admission · 10/01/2015 20:58

Please do not feel inhibited at speaking with the school. As others have said the school had no alternative but to ask appropriate questions of parents when such things happen.
However the school also need to know that there is a potential issue with your child. Whilst she might be no problem at the moment, when the newness of being in the school wears off, it is possible that she may well react the same way she seems to be reacting with you.
It would be far better that the school is aware that there are occasional outbursts of tantrums at home and hopefully they may be able to signpost you to some help. Certainly in my area the Local Authority have people who can offer help in how to improve behaviour of children, usually accessed via the school or GP.

CharlesRyder · 10/01/2015 21:05

Now is the perfect time to open up to the school when they have just registered how hard you are having to work at home. They will want to support you.

Original poster

Bigblackbog · 11/01/2015 00:05

Thanks all for your support and advice, you've given me lots to think about but at least I'll sleep tonight! So very much appreciated.

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