Bad behaviour in school (Y1)

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

For the 3rd time this term (this week & twice just before half term) I have had to stay back & speak to DS's teacher about him misbehaving in class. Today he was sent to the headteacher for repeatedly messing around, not doing as he was asked & then answering back a TA . I've never had this with elder DC (ie however painful they were at home they NEVER crossed the line at school) so I'm at a loss as to how to handle it.

We've told him how disappointed we are & queried why he's doing it (because x & y were too ) but other than sorry he's not said much. Last year he was no trouble - a bit cheeky at times but never in a really bad way & certainly never had to discuss behaviour with his teacher. He is a bit wilful at times but honestly isn't really that bad at home & definitely knows when to stop before he crosses the line. He's doing well academically & has plenty of friends.

Any words of advice on how to handle it & what might be appropriate & effective way of managing it for his age (5.4). His play date tomorrow is cancelled & he's gone to bed without any TV or playtime.

hmm hard one - mine are good at school but awful at home.

I suppose perhaps at the weekend you could sit down with him and ask him what his reasons for his behaviour are (my dad always used to ask us 'why?' when we had been naughty and to be honest that was far more terrifying than being told off or punished because we actually had to try and come up with a reason which quite often we couldn't so therefore it was easier not to do it in the first place) and then lay down and write out some ground rules about what behaviour you expect from him at school and at home. Depending on the child some will respond best to reward charts, if you write down what he can work towards having so that he is gaining stuff for good behaviour rather than losing it for bad (like TV time etc) that might work. OR you can do what I would do at this time of year which is threaten with the whole reporting to Santa thing. We have toy elves that come out at the start of November and these are actually REAL elves pretending to be toys who are reporting back to santa about behaviour! works well for us. The elves oversee the delivery of letters to santa (they sit by the fireplace one night with the letters and then in the morning the letters have gone and then a reply may appear a few days later - that kind of thing)

I was a TA / helper in primary schools for over twenty years.

Now that he is out of Reception he probably considers he is getting a bit 'grown up'. Children go through all sorts of 'phases', from the 'terrible twos' onwards.

Personally, I would let school handle it, and not impose too many sanctions or threats at home, as that could cause tensions or conflict. Hopefully he will get tired of being sent to the Head. Except for the real 'hard core' thugs, children usually start to conform after a while. Children often don't really know why they behave in a particular way, and certainly couldn't put into words, unless possibly some particular incident has triggered the behaviour.

It often happens again in Yr6, before children move up to secondary, having got to the top in primary, they can get over-confident and bolshie. Then, in Yr7 they are back to the 'bottom of the pile', so they calm down for a while!

Thanks both of you. We've got parents evening tomorrow so will have a proper chance to discuss with the teacher then & we also have the elf so can definitely use that one.

I suppose like Ferguson has said you don't want to double punish so perhaps the reward chart idea could work well, so if he misbehaves at school then they will deal with it BUT if he is good at school he is rewarded for it and praised at home.

Is he with different children this year? Perhaps it is worth finding out who he sits with, either he might be able to sit somewhere else of his own accord (if you explain that if he doesn't want to get caught up in being naughty because others are then he should try not to sit with them) or perhaps the teacher can help instigate some level of separation if they aren't already and it might be appropriate.