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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD invited to tea after school - first time!!

24 replies

chicaguapa · 02/10/2006 12:45

Now, I realise this seems a bit pathetic... but DD has just started Reception and it's all so new and scarey for me.

Today a mum invited DD for tea on Friday after school. I know DD is friendly with the girl and they went to nursery together.

So what do I do? I have arranged to give her DD's car seat on Friday morning so she can pick DD up at the same time as her friend. Shall I give her my contact numbers at the same time and ask for her phone number? And presumably I need to know where she lives too.

DD has never been to this girl's house before and I feel a bit aprehensive about letting her go off on her own. I have DS too who's 2 so I can't really expect to go along too.

Is this a normal feeling? I am usually quite rational.

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Marina · 02/10/2006 12:50

I'd be honest with the mum and see what she says.
IME Reception playdates, especially for the first time, do often include a parent. I would not mind in the slightest in her position, little sibling included. Chance to get to know each other better.

batters · 02/10/2006 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 02/10/2006 13:12

I will speak to DD and see what she thinks. She usually has an opinion.

OP posts:

hulababy · 02/10/2006 13:17

Be honest with her ad just say you feel a bit nervous as it is your DD's first time. I am sure mum won't mind.

DD started reception in September and we seem to have 2 or 3 a week at moment but DD is loving it. Apart from with one good friend, she'd never gone to play/tea before without me, especially not to someone I didn't know. I made sure mum had my numbers (and vice versa when they came here) and any food dislikes too.

It's that nervousness of "letting go" for the first time. But if your DD feels she wants to go, I'd let her. She'll probably have a fab time anyway. Although expect her to be shattered when you get her back!

joelallie · 02/10/2006 14:08

Why don't you just suggest that you pick your DD up as usual and take her along to the play date yourself. Then you get a chance to talk to the mum, find out where she lives. She may even invite you in for a cuppa. You can always say that you are worried that DD will be a bit shy. Perfectly acceptable IMO.

mymama · 02/10/2006 14:32

Is it normal to invite children over for tea after school as a playdate in the uk?? I am in oz and a lovely uk lady invited my dd over after school on a Friday and she didn't serve afternoon tea but waited until 5:00pm and cooked tea for the children. I thought it was a little weird at the time as this is not usual here in oz. Generally here it would be afternoon tea and home at 5:00pm.

hulababy · 02/10/2006 14:37

It seems to be at DD's new school. Parents collect their own child and the playdate child from school at 3:25pm and take home with them. Playing and dinner at around 5pm, then parents collect about 6ish.

joelallie · 02/10/2006 14:47

Yes that's normal round here mymama.

mymama · 02/10/2006 14:57

Do you give them anything to eat when they arrive home at 3:30?? I thought this particular playdate was the usual thing and took along banana muffins for afternoon tea and the kids ate them as dessert after the tea. My kids were starving and kept asking to eat the muffins. Really .

mymama · 02/10/2006 15:00

chicaguapa I would do what you feel comfortable with. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of my dd going in someone elses car to their house that I have never been to and have only just met. I would attend the playdate with your ds and perhaps take along some food for him.

hovely · 02/10/2006 18:29

i always bring a little snack for DD when I pick her up, you could take a little something for her to eat on the way if she will be really hungry, then if the other mother doesn't offer anything until teatime she will be able to last.

SSSandy · 02/10/2006 18:38

I would do what joelallie says and pick dd from school as usual, drop her off there, see her settled and then leave.

Loshad · 02/10/2006 22:30

gosh i've four chldren and have never expectewd either to go along on an after school playdate, or had parents suggesting they would bring the child along - nor ever seen it. If the child isn't confident enough to go off with a friend then parents normally say so and put off playdate for a while (quite unusual)

mymama · 02/10/2006 22:56

Loshad what if you don't know the parents or have never been to their house?? I really would not be comfortable sending dd with someone I barely knew. Psychos have children too.

cat64 · 02/10/2006 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Loshad · 03/10/2006 09:55

mymama, well i'll have met them (albeit briefly) at school in the mornings or afternoons. I guess I'm trusting them not to be psychos, or as cat64 says not that i'll be able to tell anyway.

mymama · 03/10/2006 13:01

don't listen to me - besides everyone has a little bit of psycho in them .

Tommy · 03/10/2006 13:22

I'm a bit nervous about DS1 going to tea after school because his table manners are appalling and he doesn't eat anything

joelallie · 03/10/2006 13:48

Tommy - you'll be surprised what he'll eat and how his table manners will improve in someone else's house. He'll probably follow his friend's lead.

battybird · 03/10/2006 13:56

At dd's school 2 parents take on the role of class reps and organise adult socials each half term, great way to get to know the other mums and dads in your childs class, they also compile a list with each childs details such as parents names, addresses, phone,numbers, e-mail and the childs birthday, they send it out via the bookbags. It is nice to have this info when your child is going to tea somewhere.

Tommy · 03/10/2006 14:00

Original poster

chicaguapa · 03/10/2006 16:59

Spoke to DD and she's very excited about going. I asked her whether she'd like me to pick her up and take her to the friend's house and she said she would prefer to go in her friend's car. She is a confident girl but that's not to say she doesn't sometimes get overwhelmed with new situations. But on the whole it seems like it's all just a problem in my head.

OP posts:

willowcatkin · 03/10/2006 19:55

it is quite usual to feel worried the first time your child goes elsewhere for tea. I always worry about their behaviour, manners, etc but generally they are fine and of course the parents have a child the same age so know what it is like!

When my ds first had someone round the mother confided (when she picked him up) that she was worreid how he would be, but she warned me what he liked to eat and that he never ate very much and it was fine, they loved it. Another mother asked to put it off for a while as her ds was still getting used to full time and was very tired - no problem to me, and now he is coming next week :-)

I had a couple of children over who were not entirely happy - mainly with the noise as they were only children, and another who said his tummy hurt so i phoned his Mum early and she came to get him.

it will all be fine and you will get chance for a cup of tea when you pick her up if you get there a few mins early!

hulababy · 03/10/2006 20:45

I am sure she'll have a great time. DD loves going to friend's houses without me now

I normally have a drink and biscuit ror some fruit ready for when they arrive home, and then tea at 5.

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