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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Birthday party dilemma

22 replies

Bookmonster345 · 26/07/2014 22:02

I am not entirely sure if I have posted this in the right place, but here goes....

My daughter has been invited to a birthday party at a swimming pool. I do not know the Mum of this child very well, as she never picks her child up from school, she is instead picked up by her older sister. My daughter is a very strong swimmer, but as I don't know the Mum I don't know whether or not to trust her with my child at a busy leisure centre. However, if my daughter doesn't go, I worry that nobody will turn up, as the majority of children who have been invited have turned down the invitation on the grounds of not knowing the birthday girls mum, and I know what a shame it would be if nobody turned up. If it was your child, would you let them to?

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schmee · 26/07/2014 22:05

How old is your dd? Could you stay there? Is it an organised swimming party - so would the swimming pool be providing staff?

Original poster

Bookmonster345 · 26/07/2014 22:16

My dd is in year 5, just going into year 6, and I don't believe it is an organised party, however I may be able to get my husband to stay

OP posts:

Panzee · 26/07/2014 22:30

That poor mum. And her daughter. Tricky though. Any chance you could ring and chat?

Original poster

Bookmonster345 · 26/07/2014 22:35

Panzee
I have tried to ring, but no answer though

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 26/07/2014 22:40

I would go, with my own swimsuit, then, no problems, you can test it out. If you need to be there, stay, if not, go off for a swim on your own but with it known you are available if needed.

Horrible for that mum and child to have no-one turn up because they don't know the mum. Don't any of them swim themselves? Or could you all have not arranged for one or two of the parents who don't know the mum to take several of the children if they are all confident swimmers, to bt the known adult face for those children? Instead of using as an excuse to make no effort it can be worked around. But, as that has not happened, as I said, I would go with her.

The mum may have perfectly fine reasons for not collecting her DD from school, which she doesn't really have to share, but work related, illness related etc, and it should not mean her DD gets excluded from socialising on birthdays because of it.

PavlovtheCat · 26/07/2014 22:42

Don't mean you have made no effort, as it seems you are thinking about how bad it looks, but the others have obviously cried off but discussed it, so a solution could have been found if they wanted one.

BackforGood · 26/07/2014 22:48

Well this is a new one on me - now a child who has a mother who works outside the home isn't allowed a birthday party ?

Seriously, are there really people who wouldn't accept an invitation due to the fact that the parent is unable to pick the child up from school.

Blimey, I'm glad my dc didn't go to your school.

Of course I'd let her go. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't.

Original poster

Bookmonster345 · 26/07/2014 22:50

It's not that they didn't want to try to find a solution, but the invites were given out on Wednesday, and the party is tomorrow, so we didn't have long enlighten o arrange something. I think we will go, and will send my DH with her, so he can be around.

OP posts:

ElephantsNeverForgive · 26/07/2014 22:50

By Y5 both my DDs would have been totally fine to leave at a pool and look after themselves (non supervision age is 8, but both of them deliberately gave me the slip from 6/7). They really wouldn't be fussed if the birthday mum watched them or not.

teeththief · 26/07/2014 22:55

I am that people have refused to go on the grounds of not knowing the mum! How dare she work during school hours and not pick her child up? Absolutely awful behaviour from the other parents.

If everyone is that concerned then they should have just turned up and kept an eye on their children themselves. I am sure the party girl's parents are more than capable of keeping an eye on a group of 10 year olds!

pinkdelight · 27/07/2014 09:24

Surely the significant fact is the swimming (and the late notice). This business about not knowing the mum only comes into play because of the safety concerns around swimming. It doesn't mean they won't send their DC to any party due to not knowing the mum, but that it's relaxed to the point of dodgy to send your child off swimming only being supervised by an adult you've never met. If it was a house party, no doubt it'd be different. OP and DH is having to put themselves out to make this viable, so am not surprised others have found it less stressful just to decline.

HappyAsASandboy · 27/07/2014 09:26

Surely it will have to be an organised party, or else te party mum will have to bring several helpers? The limit in our pools is two under-8s to one adult.

pinkdelight · 27/07/2014 09:28

"I am sure the party girl's parents are more than capable of keeping an eye on a group of 10 year olds!"

But how can you be sure, if you've not clapped eyes on someone? And not everyone's kids are confident swimmers. As to "they should have turned up and kept an eye on their children themselves"... I applaud the OP for doing this to save the party girl's upset, but families have plans at w/e's. Not everyone can drop what they're doing to stealthily supervise their kids at a party when such hassle could easily have been avoided by a different party choice or at the very least returning parents' phonecalls.

alardi · 27/07/2014 11:24

Wow, that is short notice, and may be main reason for turning it down. Would be ridiculously over-protective if the only reason they won't let their kids go is they don't know the parents very well. Especially at that age, easy enough to bring a newspaper & just hang out at the pool, no?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/07/2014 12:35

When I was ten I had been swimming competitively for 3 years, could swim at least 3 miles without stopping and had done a basic course in life saving.

The girl I sat next to in class had just got her 5m badge.

I had a swimming party. Despite knowing my mum well (and knowing that she was an ex swimming teacher and lifeguard!) her mum was still concerned about sending her.

BackforGood · 27/07/2014 14:03

Happy - these class mates are all between Yrs5 and 6, so the vast majority will be 10.
You can go swimming on your own, without an adult, from 8 round here.
The pool will have lifeguards - the parent won't need to be micro-managing all the friends who arrive- yes, there may be the odd one that can't swim, but it's likely most can, and there will be some that are like Mumof, who are supremely confident in the water.

justcallmethefixer · 27/07/2014 15:05

Gosh, my dd was going swimming with a group of friends at that age with no adult supervision it was a regular Friday evening thing us parents just gave them the cash and picked them up afterwards but they made their own way there.

ladygracie · 27/07/2014 18:03

My son was doing similar justcallme - I dropped off & someone else picked up. He is not an amazing swimmer but is able to swim and is confident in the water. It seems a shame that you won't let her go. What does your dd think? Does she want to go?

HappyAsASandboy · 27/07/2014 22:45

Apologies, I thought the kids were 5 years, not year 5!

Original poster

Bookmonster345 · 28/07/2014 04:32

Quick update: my Dd went to the party in the end and my DH stayed with her. One other girl went, and although it was a bit shambolic it wasn't as bad as I though it would be

OP posts:

Glastogirl · 28/07/2014 04:42

Glad the poor girl had a few friends go! Shame on all the parents who didn't let their DC go :(

Thumbwitch · 28/07/2014 04:48

I'm glad she went - I would have suggested that she go and one of you stay with her so that's great that you sorted it in that fashion. It would have been such a shame for the poor birthday girl to have no one turn up because her mum never shows her face at the school.

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