Dd upset again

[Peppapigisnotmyname]

I've posted on here about this subject before so sorry but need the wisdom of mumsnetters. It's quite complicated so sorry about the length but here goes ....

I have two DCs, DS is 9 and dd is 5. My mum died nine years ago, my dad is severely disabled and I help look after him. My in laws choose not to get too involved with my DCs and my DH, bless him, works very long hours. Therefore I'm usually on my own with my DCs. As a result of the pressure I've been under, last year I was diagnosed with severe depression. I'm on medication now and thankfully feeling much better, but I am also aware that my depression sometimes clouds my judgement so I'd there appreciate your thoughts!

My DCs both attend a ms school. It's very high achieving and academic. DS is 9 and in year 4. He's settled at school, shy sensitive boy, but he is also diagnosed with ASD. He has a statement and his TA is great. Have to say though that the school really only tolerate him, it's PC to be inclusive after all. He never gets any certificates etc from school. It upsets him and I have spoken to them about it but they're never, ever wrong. Completely unbending.

Dd is completely different. She's very confident, outgoing, very very bright. Thought she'd be fine in school. Since she started though she's become increasing withdrawn. Head down, coming out in tears, once she was hysterical. Numerous head injuries - 3 head injuries in a week. She will say anything to get out of school - tummy ache, sore throat etc. I know this is all typical but it really isn't for her - she attended the school nursery and preschool and couldn't get in quick enough, never looked back. This morning she was attached to my leg crying, they had to take her off me! This has never happend before. I hate seeing this change in her. She also becoming very anxious - can't have certain things in her hair as it's not allowed for example, worried she'll be told off about silly little things. I've spoken to her teacher and to the head - both looked at me blankly. They said she was fine in school and didn't really know what I was talking about. I also mentioned to the SENCO when I saw her regarding DS - she said ds ASD is severe(?) and it's affecting dd! Really? His diagnosis was mild ASD, he's above average academically and he talks non stop. Yes of course his ASD presents problems but it's not that bad and I certainly don't think it's anything to do with dd. Like him she never gets any certificates either. I don't want dd always to be seen as the sister of DS - she deserves to be seen as a person in her own right.

I'm just so sick of it. I just want them to be happy. I've got in touch with the LEA, there's another school with a place for dd nearby, a good school. I don't know if I'm over reacting or if I should just take dd out? There's no place for DS and he said he doesn't want to move.

Shall I put up with it and hope things improve (remember the school are ALWAYS right, even when they're wrong) or shall I move her now?

Thanks for reading

I'd be worried about the school blaming your ds for your dd's unhappiness. Something is clearly not going right for her. Does the school have an explanation of her head injuries? Is she being bullied? If you can juggle drop off and pick up times I would probably move her.

she is plainly very unhappy so a school move might be the best thing for her. of course it might not solve her problems, if her brother has mild ASD then it is perfectly possible she is marginally on the spectrum herself but it could also be any number of other things from general anxiety, being bright and overthinking situations and scenarios, being worried about you and her brother but not wanting to worry you more (children are scarily perceptive), being frustrated because she is struggling with something, the school just being generally completely uninterested in her or something else. I would talk to her about would she like to move school and then probably go for that with her. I think I would then speak to the GP about her and say she is anxious and everything going on and see what they suggest. It might be worth getting her referred to some children's service to double check that SHE isn't battling a problem of some sort herself.

being a mum is extremely hard work even when everything is going well, I understand about the parent needing care, my father needs care and not only are you dealing with the actual practicalities of juggling a parent as well as young children, you also are battling your own emotions alongside seeing your parent in need which you never expect you will have to do. You are also dealing with your hubby's long hours which however wonderful he is does leave you on your own AND trying to do the best for your children. I have been there with depression and anxiety so I understand that. You are doing a good job but you are dealing with difficult circumstances. Parents can't always get everything right which is why I would say ask your daughter if she thinks a change of school might be good for her rather than just try to make a decision.

oh and IME it isn't unusual for a child's problems to be blamed on 'something at home' when in actual fact that has nothing to do with it.