advice please for 5 year old in year 1

[pinkyplonk]

5 year old dd in year 1 in state primary. Met with teacher this week. I know she is young for age, and having issues sitting still most of the day it seems. Teacher confirmed this. Inferred that she is pretty behind and has problems with attention span, more than anyone else. I just wondered, has anyone else had this experience? I am starting to think if we should try to afford private. I know she loves creative subjects and not much room in state curriculum for it. Also think maybe a smaller class would help her. Though not sure how we would afford it. School good though class pretty crammed. If she was happy and socially ok I would leave it but she is not. Any advice gratefully received.

I am not sure that private schools include much more creative work either so I don't know that it would help. Class sizes would presumably be smaller but would that not limit her friend options as well?

I don't know really. I guess I hoped a smaller class would nurture friendships better. She seems a bit lost at the moment. Maybe that is because she is young for her age don't know.

What did the school suggest?

i had an assumption that private schools had more time for music art and drama i guess it depends on the school

just to keep going really. no bright ideas. but said would keep an eye on her socially. they have said that before though, not sure how much they can do.

I think it depends on the school. one near us does a lot of drama but they don't do any more art than the school my daughter is at. You would have to look carefully at the class size issue. if it was a single sex school and class of 18 girls say then that would be no real worry but if it was mixed and a class of 10 or less then there might only be 3 girls which could make it very hard for her to settle in and make friends. If you don't get on with the others then there are no other groups to join if that makes sense.

are there any children she quite likes? could you perhaps get together with a few outside of school? see if it would help her feel more confident in her friendships.

Not all State schools are the same either. My DCs one does a lot of art, drama etc. They also in years 1&2 still spend a lot of time learning outdoors, and through creative methods (eg building London out of cardboard and the later setting fire to it, with the help of the fire brigade).

that sounds lovely mummytime! she'd love to do things like that.

I have invited children round periwinkle, they seem to play fine one to one, but this doesnt seem to translate to them playing in the playground together.

yes see what you mean periwinkle re small amount of girls in mixed private schools

but plenty of girls in her school nd she doesn't seem to gel with any of them

IME private does not equal better if you child isn't exactly the same as all the other kids.

Time. She is young for her year group, she needs time and patience. The older she gets, the narrower the gap will be. Meanwhile, try not to stress (you or her), encourage the teacher to work with you and be patient, and give her love and support from home, with plenty of time to rest and play. Resist the urge to try to get her to do more at home, as that will make it 'an issue'. You are concerned and interested, as well as supportive, so she will be fine -she just needs to grow a little older

thanks Terror. I hope that is the case. I guess I am worried about her socially more than academically.

That is interesting toffeesponge. I thought there would be space for more individuality in smaller classes. I guess it depends on the school?

I think smaller classes can actually cause a withdrawn/anxious/shy child to be worse in some ways as more dominant personalities are able to rule everything more whereas in a bigger class you usually end up with quite a few small groups within it giving more personality types a chance to shine if that makes sense.

That is a positive that she plays well with the other children one to one, it might well be that actually the other children are still quite alone at school as well. We tend to see what we are looking for so if you look at the playground you might see her on her own and the other children playing together however it might actually be that some of the other children are also on their own and just happened to be nearer each other at the time or that she does play with some of them but less obviously and not all the time.

she is old enough to join Rainbows - do you think something like that might help with her confidence? there may be one near your school that some of the others go to.

she is not withdrawn so much ! Just restless and not good at sitting. she would like to talk more! The issue may be that she wants to lead in terms of games and stuff and is not so good and oding what others want to do. I don't know about Rainbows, will look it up .

Wantin to lead and not yet understanding the give and take of friendships etc sounds totally normal for a young in year group child.

Look at it this way, these things are all part of normal child development, as much as learning to crawl or walk. Just because they are not necessarily physical skills, does not mean they can be taught or learnt before the child is developmentally ready. An August baby might be 8-11 months or more younger than other children in their class. They have always been that much younger and less developed. When they were 6 weeks old you would to have been panicking that they were not yet able to crawl whilst their 'peers' were pulling to standing! That would have been ludicrous. This is no different. Your child is emotionally and socially less mature because they are Younger. You can support them as they develop these skills (later than their older 'peers' generally), but you cannot forcibly accelerate their development. It is one of the challenges of parenting a summer born child

Also, look to the reception children (or what they will be like by half way through the year). Does she behave more like them in terms of restlessness? Highly likely, as she may be closer in age to them than many in her class. She will always be the youngest, so even when she has learned these skills, her classmates will have learned other new things. Gradually, as they get older, 8 or 9 months becomes less significant. However, at the age of 5 there is no getting away from the fact that it IS a big deal.

she was crying tonight at bedtime saying how much she missed 'nursery' [she means reception] even the fact that she was not remember it as reception but as nursery shows how young her awareness is. she is really dreading every day at moment. I think you are right terror, I just feel she is being singled out as the most behind/youngest developmentally, ratehr than as one of a group of younger ones.

Poor little thing - schools tough in the early years, especially for a parent as you don't know what you can actually do. My dd is in year 1 but is the oldest in her class but struggles socially too. Playtime is fraught with who is whose friend - try not to worry about it too much as they are all like that at that age I reckon. I think it's just hard for them to learn how to fit in at school - so much for them to take in on their own. Could you talk to her teacher and mention that she is lacking confidence and dreading going in. they might make a fuss of her and start giving out the stickers a bit more? My DD loves stickers! Or they might get the teaching assistant to talk to them about relationships. You do need to work with the school and they will help you. good luck :)

BTW my friend in Scotland's little boy who is a young 6 is staying down a year so he is the oldest in his class. Not sure if we can do that in UK though.

The jump from reception to y1 is quite hard for some children. There is more formal learning and less play so being younger she is bound to find it hard and very tiring. There is so much they are expected to learn at such a young age it's no wonder she is finding it hard. Are the girls in her class older or bigger personalities? I would chat to the teacher about your concerns and perhaps ask for suggestions of friends that your DD gets along with one to one and encourage some play dates after school.