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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I know this is bad.... one off..

70 replies

xxslkxx · 04/10/2013 00:50

I know this post is bad before I write it, however I hope you understand a little before you say Im wrong! My son is in Yr 1, has been struggling, so recently I started a new plan (six weeks in now). Extra hour of writing and reading after school everyday, started new extracurricular activities, made a huge effort - to the point his teachers have noticed! Am so so happy with him, rewards everyweek and moved up two levels. Taken a LOT of work from him, I have signed up to lots of sites for hand writing and reading help etc.
Basically he is doing amazing and I want to reward him. I have an amazing day planned for him but it will mean a day missed from school whichI feel awful about.My husbamd says get. Life as his attendance is always 100% and one reward in the year when he is had such a marked improvement is allowable. I know he wont miss any important work but feel bad lying (yes I know this is pathetic!) Just dont know if I should?

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Blu · 04/10/2013 00:55

Gosh - a whole hour after school is a lot for a Yr 1 child.

I would take him off school for a whole week

Seriously, OP, well done, I am glad his work has helped him and I hope he is proud of himself, and does not feel stressed.

Can this day only happen on a school day? As a one off, oh, well, go for it!

BackforGood · 04/10/2013 01:04

I think you'd be giving him really mixed messages about how, on the one hand, by putting in all that extra time, it means he's really improved and you are very proud of him, against, 'school doesn't really matter - we'll go and have fun for the day'.

Can you not do whatever it is at the weekend?
Or 1/2 term is coming up soon.

Original poster

xxslkxx · 04/10/2013 01:06

Thanks, yes can only be a school day otherwise would def do. Yes an hour has been a hell of a lot, but mostly fun learning for him, I spend an hour putting dots on paper for him to trace :) He is a summer born boy (youngest in class) and was really struggling.

Reward him all the time, and he seems to be thriving on the praise, I truly never expected such a big change but it really has happened and I am just so proud and over the moon! Suppose its a bit over the top that he cant miss one day as a reward, think I maybe getting a little obsessed! Thanks for your post. We will be going x

OP posts:

Original poster

xxslkxx · 04/10/2013 01:10

Backforgood this is my issue completely! Have been so work focused and explaining how important school is, he is now doing fab and I let him have a day off! Mixed messages. This really is a day he would adore and Iwill make sure he knows its a one off and purely due to him doing ao amazing, and in future wont happen during school time. It really is a one off, otherwise he would NEVER miss school. Hubby agrees but says as son knows importance of school everyday and attendance is bril, does one off day really matter in year one? Lots of sons friends off on week holidays which I wouldnt, but one day? Think its ok if I broach it correctly. Thanks

OP posts:

Applebloss · 04/10/2013 01:27

Well done to both of you. I would go ahead with day off. In the long term it is unlikely to affect his learning disposition and he will always remember it as a positive part of his childhood.

Original poster

xxslkxx · 04/10/2013 01:37

I think my little man deserves it... know he does
.. only issue now is what to tell the teacher
Cant say he is ill in case he comes jumping in the next day saying where he has been
Is honesty always the best policy? Or should I play on my good attendence? Lol can tell Im not a regular x

OP posts:

Inclusionist · 04/10/2013 07:46

School will not authorise it as schools are not longer allowed to authorise holiday in term time. This means, in effect, there is little point in asking.

I would just write a letter stating 'minislk will not be in school on x for family reasons'.

He will be marked down as having one unauthorised absence which will be the only consequence (other than his teacher's raised eyebrow when he bounces in the next day saying x was AMAZING! ).

fuzzpig · 04/10/2013 07:52

He will very likely give you away after!

My friend took her DS out for a day and phoned him up sick. Arrived at school the next day, teacher greets him and asks if he was feeling better, boy says "I wasn't poorly, I went to Chessington!" No idea if the school did anything.

Rooners · 04/10/2013 07:53

It depends what it is but honestly I'd struggle to say this sounds Ok.

What someone said about mixed messages...also he will tell them and they will know, probably.

I don't think it's a good idea.

Can you tell us what the plan is?

Ruprekt · 04/10/2013 07:56

Well done on helping your son but I do not think you should take him out of school.

keepsmiling12345 · 04/10/2013 07:56

Afraid I disagree. I can't think of anything that can only be done on a school day and not at half-term unless you have specifically booked something. In which case you had already made the decision to miss school. Your DS will miss lessons which seems totally inconsistent with your approach. Why ask him to spend 1 hr every evening (which is a lot for a y1) and then make him miss 6 hours of school?

MirandaWest · 04/10/2013 07:59

I'm another one who thinks you shouldn't take him out of school but it does sound like you've already decided to.
What is the thing that you're doing?

Theas18 · 04/10/2013 08:02

Sorry with Alien on this missing 6hrs of school yet making him work an hour extra every night?

THat's a bit bonkers . there WILL be stuff he'll miss, stuff he wont have repeated and may leave him a " little bit a sea" about affecting his learning and confidence. Yes only a little bit but this is a boy who wasn't finding school easy in the 1st place.

What really HAS to have a day off for that can't be done at other times?

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 04/10/2013 08:04

It's not long till the next holiday - surely this activity can wait? I think giving mixed messages about school is bad form and he will almost certainly give you away when he talks about it at school the next day.

Jaynebxl · 04/10/2013 08:06

Im more concerned about a 5 year old boy doing an hour of school work every night! When does he get to have play dates? That's an awful lot for for such a young child.

StitchingMoss · 04/10/2013 08:08

Agree with those saying its a mad idea - loads of things can be done at weekends, don't take him out of school.

simpson · 04/10/2013 08:09

Sorry, but you are totally giving mixed messages.

He has been doing an hour a night (too much IMO) to improve his learning and yet you are going to take him out of the place he goes to learn.

Madamecastafiore · 04/10/2013 08:11

All I can think is how he will bloody burn out and end up poorly at this rate.

He is only on year 1 FGS his social and emotional skills are what you should be developing not hot housing him each night.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 04/10/2013 08:14

Sorry to be po-faced, but a good rule of thumb to use, if you're thinking of lying then you shouldn't do it.

There are plenty of school holidays and inset days, you really don't need to take him out of school.

Sunnysummer · 04/10/2013 08:15

As well as the mixed messages and the missed time, I'd be concerned most about the need to lie to the school - not an ideal lesson, plus they always do spill the beans!

He sounds like he's done amazingly, is there a way to reward him without missing a day? Or otherwise at least just be straightforward about it as a previous poster suggested?

Fragglewump · 04/10/2013 08:17

Sounds crazy to me! But I am a mumsnet pariah teacher. You obviously don't want to listen to any advice though so enjoy your day of fun.

Doilooklikeatourist · 04/10/2013 08:18

Take him out for the day

Write a note for school saying that DS will not be in school on date due to personal reasons

Well done to you and DS :)

LIZS · 04/10/2013 08:23

Sorry don't get this . Sounds like more to assuage your guilt at pressurising him than as a reward . Won't he expect to get this every half term ? By all means use a weekend or half term/inset day but taking him out of lessons which you place such emphasis on seems a very odd message to send.

HowGoodIsThat · 04/10/2013 08:24

By all means give him a reward and make a fuss of him but you can find something that doesn't necessitate removing him from school. SUre, it might not be the fab thing you have planned, but he'll never know that and you can deal with your own disappointment - you are the adult.

But I agree that it sounds like you have already made up your mind, you know it sits oddly with all the extra work that you have been doing with him and you just want us to help you justify your decision so you can feel better about it.

AmberGamble · 04/10/2013 08:25

As a teacher I would agree with those who say you are going over the top with the after school stuff. It's not sustainable and too much for a child that age. It is excellent to hear of parents who are supporting their children at home, makes an enormous difference to a child's success but in moderation.
I can't stress enough how wrong a message you are sending by rewarding your child for his efforts by taking a day off school. As a teacher I would be mightily unimpressed. You have decided be needs the extra work at home and you have made him do it. Now you are rewarding it with taking time off school. What if he masters his spellings each week, 1/2 day off, or starts keeping his bedroom tidy - a few days off for that?

Clearly you have made your mind up and just want approval but you won't be getting it from here. Sorry!

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