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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

are your school gates like this?

48 replies

ilovesushi · 23/07/2013 14:54

I've had a year of drop offs and pick ups at the school gates now and I have come to the conclusion that there is a very weird, tense, cliquey, almost bitchy atmosphere. It's odd as at the pre-school up the road mums are friendly, chatty and smiley. I am getting to the stage where I arrive at the last minute to minimise my gate time. I thought people would thaw as the year went on but my smiles are still met by bitchy glares or blank faces. Quite a few other mums have noticed the same thing and lots sit in their cars or wait around corners so they don't have to attend the ice party. Are all school gate like this? What the heck is wrong with these people?

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Eddie107 · 23/07/2013 15:27

Ours was exactly like this a few years ago when DS was at Primary & I used to dread pick-up time. But now five years on, when I pick up DD, it's completely different. People are smiley & friendly. I think I'll quite miss it when she starts walking home with friends.

Sounds like you've got a particularly difficult group to deal with - hopefully some friendly new parents will turn up in September.

BackforGood · 23/07/2013 15:32

Nope. Never come across it at any of the schools I've picked up from / dropped off at. Only ever heard of it on MN.

Periwinkle007 · 23/07/2013 15:43

nope ours are friendly, I often find myself chatting to parents from different years who I don't know

Meglet · 23/07/2013 16:05

No. I'm a terrible introvert but we have a really nice group of parents.

There is a school near me that looks like it has a few cliquey mums though.

jennycoast · 23/07/2013 16:10

DD2 and DD3 go to different primary schools. Both have lovely sets of parents. Different, but lovely. However we live next door to a third primary, and the parents there seem to be exactly as you describe.

Therefore my scientific research leads me to conclude that 1/3 of schools have weird/tense/cliquey parents.

funnyossity · 23/07/2013 16:30

My scientific study shows half of schools are like this and my pet theory was that at the uncomfortable one the school staff were tense, (there was a lack of leadership imo) and the tension just spread.

Of course some groups of parents were chatty with one another and probably didn't notice, but if you were new or didn't go regularly you would feel it!

Scruffey · 23/07/2013 16:34

I stay in the car until the last minute. Most people are fine but there are a few who:

-have no boundaries
-always want something from me
-are bitching about others
-ignore you despite knowing you

I don't want any part of it!

Aspiemum2 · 23/07/2013 16:38

Funnyossity, I think you're on to something there. Thinking back the friendly primary school is well run, kids are happy, sen kids well integrated
The bitchy school is the opposite and head is dreadful

AryaUnderfoot · 23/07/2013 17:27

There are some lovely families at DS' school.

There are some truly vile ones.

I avoid the latter like the plague.

Stase · 23/07/2013 18:15

Off-topic, but Funnyossity where's your nn from?
My grandma used to say it, thought it was one of those weird family words!

spanky2 · 23/07/2013 18:19

Same here .

Itsjustafleshwound · 23/07/2013 18:20

It's another reason not to go the private route ....

funnyossity · 23/07/2013 18:22

Are you my cousin Stase?!

My grandparents were from the W.Midlands don't know if it's local to there.

Original poster

ilovesushi · 23/07/2013 18:26

Interesting the bad head, bitchy parents, good head, nice parents link. You may be on to something there jennycoast. Holds true for our school. Also love your stat! I always love a made up fact!

OP posts:

motherinferior · 23/07/2013 18:28

No, I love the school gate and it is full of terrific people.

Original poster

ilovesushi · 23/07/2013 18:28

Meant to say love funnossity's theory and jennycoast's stat. How do we edit our messages? Is it possible??

OP posts:

Stase · 23/07/2013 18:30

Funnyossity they're from Birkenhead, so not far off!

Our school gates are fairly friendly, in that some people always say hello to everyone they meet. Some of us are going for drinks tomorrow night - Dutch courage for the next six weeks!

Chumble · 23/07/2013 18:33

Like your comment scruffey I used to think people who sat in their cars were anti social. Having been at school gates for three years now I realise they are the sane ones!

Thank god it's the end if the year I need a break from it all.

funnyossity · 23/07/2013 18:34

Stase : Phew, I thought I'd met a family member on-line!

NeverQuiteSure · 23/07/2013 18:42

Our school gates are very friendly. We are a village state primary, if that makes a difference, although when DS started I knew no one and was made to feel very welcome.

gintastic · 23/07/2013 19:04

No problems at mine but its a small village primary, there only 17 in DD's class (16 parents - 1 set of twins). We've had some cracking nights out, not everyone comes but everyone is always invited. I love the school, which is good as I'm stuck with it for the next 11 years...

thegreylady · 23/07/2013 19:18

I like everyone I have met at dgs primary school.I only pick up twice a week but they are all friendly and include me on playdates etc. I know they have dads' nights out and mums' nights out where they meet up for a meal or a drink.It is a small rural school-I love it.

spiderlight · 23/07/2013 22:53

My mum used to call me a Funnyossity and we're from Swansea.

There's a definite clique in our year group but it's mostly mums who grew up in the area and knew each other before/outside the school context. Individually most of them are nice enough, but they all gravitate together and close ranks once they're en masse. If you're not one of 'them', you can walk up the drive with one of them having a perfectly nice chat, but as soon as you're in the playground they veer off to their little huddle and you become instantly invisible. Most of the other parents are much nicer though, tbh, and I'm only there to deliver/retrieve my son and arrange the odd playdate, not to make lifelong friendships, so it doesn't bother me. I'm terminally shy anyway and don't inhabit the same world of X-Factor/BGT/Big Brother that they all seem obsessed with, so I'm quite glad not to have to engage!

hamab · 23/07/2013 23:00

Ours is a bit like the op describes. I flit in and out as fast as possible. I think though it's mainly that once people have a group of friends they really can't be bothered with anyone else. There are a few really nasty ones who pick fights with other mums over nothing. Then there are a group who openly make comments about what other people are wearing. But the ones I can't make out are really nice and friendly if you meet them at a swimming lesson or something, but won't say hello to you in the playground if they're standing right next to you. It's a mystery to me. I just assumed I must be weird.

funnyossity · 23/07/2013 23:24

spiderlight thanks, that widens the geographical spread!

hamab it's not going to be you, maybe it's the tension generated by standing by the snidey and fighty types. (I love extending a dodgy theory!)

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