Slightly cross at Year 1 teacher today...

[CocktailQueen]

DS is in Year 1. His teacher has had a word with me once a few months ago re DS not listening in class and interrupting - usually with something relevant to what they're discussing in class, but still interrupting.

Today she asked to speak to me at pick-up, while other parents were still there, and berated DS/told me in a loud voice about how naughty he'd been and how he was very rude, had been given a class point in the morn then had it taken away in the pm because he was talking in class.

AIBU to expect that if she has to speak to me - or another parent - that she does it in privacy, not so the whole playground can hear??? When she has to talk to parents she does usually do so quietly, in a corner. Maybe she had a bad today today. But I feel that ds is being picked on a bit.

I help in his class one day a week and I know roughly how they all behave. He's not the worst at all - but of course I have had serious talk with him tonight re listening. He's just the same at home - no listening at all. Bloody annoying.

WWYD? Have a word with teacher or not?

Picked on, why? He's been mis-behaving. She's called him up on it. Why's that picking on him?
That said, yes, she should have had a word with you discreetly. I wouldn't say anything now (as it will translate that you're dismissing his initial poor behaviour, however much you say you're not) but if it happens again, then pointedly suggest you move somewhere more private to discuss things.

Yes teacher should have asked to talk to you inside

If you are aware of lots of naughty behaviour in the class it doesn't sound like teacher has great classroom control - maybe it's easier to take frustration out on parent after a bad day

Should have been done in private really.
Sounds like maybe he had been pushing her buttons today.
The actions of an exasperated woman!
If you go in and help regularly maybe she sees her relationship with you slightly different than with the other parents.

Thanks all - absolutely have taken it on board. She is dead right and ds's listening has been poor at home recently but we had THOUGHT that he was behaving well at school. Gah gah.

BTW I didn't feel picked on that she spoke to me about ds, but that she spoke to me loudly in public, unlike when she speaks to other mums!!

I suppose it depends on what she is talking about how much privacy she thinks it warrants. I would have to say that something which happened IN class in front of the other children where they could very go home an tell their parents anyway isn't private. Had she been wanting to tell you something more personal or that he had done in written work then yes I think she should have spoken to you quietly but in my daughter's class if children have been naughty and put on the naughty island or something then this is public knowledge in the classroom so I nearly always hear about it from my daughter therefore I wouldn't have thought it was something to keep private if you see what I mean. It may well be she thought it would have more impact on him done like this.

But you said you felt that "ds is being picked on a bit" not you.

Perhaps because you help out, she might feel that it's simpler to be seen to be addressing issues re ds. Stop accusations of 'favouritism' from other parents/pupils?

The other kids might have gone home and talked about it. Maybe she felt it was better to be transparent.

Who knows, I wouldn't worry about it too much - concentrate on addressing the issue re not listening and interrupting. Perhaps your ds thinks he can get away with more because his mum helps out.

Fluffy - I don't think so; he's just impulsive and forgets he has to sit still and listen in class.

CocktailQueen:

I may be reading too much into this but if you are a regular helper in that class, then the teacher could have talked to you anytime at all.

No it strikes me this was staged. The teacher may well have thought I'll raise this in public so that other parents can see I don't play favourites.

I'm sure it was awkward or a little difficult, but I can assure you that it is often very difficult to have a private conversation unless you book an appointment before or after school and even then other pupils and/or parents will be floating about and see you come in.

Best to just take this in your stride.

It strikes me your DS gets very excited by certain topics and possibly blurts out answers or dominates questions. This can be as hard to cope with as someone goofing about. My advice would be to explain to your son how important it is to let everyone have a chance. I'm sure he knows that, just forgot it in his enthusiasm.

Finally the only thing I can say is remember your DS is just a child. Children make mistakes and school is a safe & supportive environment for those mistakes to occur in. See this as an opportunity for you to show your son that negative feedback shouldn't upset you (or him) and that the best thing to do is dust yourself off and go back and try and do better.

HTH

I'd be pissed off that she spoke to you in public as well, especially as you go in to help out so if there was a persistent problem, she has plenty of opportunities to raise it.

School should be a safe, supportive environment as Pastsellbydate says, but it doesn't sound as if this example fits that description.

Sure, teacher probably had a bad day, but not great to take it out on your ds in public.

I think I'd have replied, a bit louder, please. I think some parents over by the road didn't hear you.

My ds was a blurter outer in year 1. Almost bursting with his arm up. He did grow out of it... eventually.
HOWEVER- there was an incident in year 1 with a teacher which made me irritated [though kept to myself]. He had clearly talked once to often and had to go to quiet room- floods of tears. No problem with that as seemed to work as he was so devastated by experience feared it happening again and was calmer in class. What annoyed me was the teacher suggesting she and my year 1 son may have a personality clash. She is the adult and him the not yet 6 year old. Maybe true but felt inappropriate to say so...