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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Miserable, negative Year 3 teacher.

20 replies

hiddenhome · 17/05/2013 19:50

Ds2 has had a difficult year with his teacher and we're glad that this year will be finishing soon.

Ds is bright, well behaved and willing to learn, but she's so negative and often gives him a hard time. The other boys in the class are often poorly behaved and it's not really a popular class. The girls seem okay.

I'm really worried that Ds ends up with this teacher again in future years. I don't think we could cope if he did. He often comes home crying and spends the evening before the weekly tests unable to sleep.

We've just about managed to keep his confidence and his spirits up by playing down what she says and telling him not to take it to heart. We've spoken to the HT about it, but he just backs her.

Anybody else had this problem?

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freetrait · 17/05/2013 21:53

Let's hope she leaves the school! Not nice to have your child unhappy at school. Boo!

steppemum · 17/05/2013 22:08

we have just worked out that ds will have the current Y6 teacher when he goes into Y6 next year (teachers swap around a bit, but this one will be staying in place)

I am gutted, current Y6 parents hate her, ds was really upset when he realised

DumSpiroSpero · 17/05/2013 22:23

It's unfortunate that the head backs this woman.

For now, there are only a few weeks of term left and I'd just hope that you don't have to deal with her again. If you do and she's no better I think you will need to fight your corner. No child should be that distressed that often by their teacher. My DD has a regular supply teacher that has that effect on her and she was not happy last week as her teacher was off sick and the supply was standing in so I do sympathise.

steppe Try not to worry ahead of time. My year 6 teacher back in the day had an awful reputation - every girl in the class was in tears the day we found out we were going to have him the following year. He ended up being one of my favourite teachers and iirc everyone quite liked him by the end of the year. I think there is often an element of 'urban legend' when it comes to older kids warning younger ones about teachers tbh!

DumSpiroSpero · 17/05/2013 22:24

Sorry just realized it's parents that don't like her. Not so good, but still, different kids, different parents - she may not be as bad as her rep.

steppemum · 17/05/2013 22:40

hidden, she sounds awful I can't believe your poor ds has been in tears so often. Hopefully he will have a lovey teacher next year and blossom. He is unlikely ot have her again, schools try not to repeat classes and teachers.

dum- the only thing I am holding onto is that the current Year 6 is a difficult, odd group of kids that have not been easy for any teacher, and this teacher was new to year 6 (after the lovely experienced mature Y6 teacher left) Trouble is ds's class is also a difficult class, although somewhat better since one particular child left.

DumSpiroSpero · 17/05/2013 22:48

Hopefully the school as a whole will be better equipped to deal with any issues.

My DD is in Yr 3 atm, but her school also has a difficult Yr 6 - to the extent that they have split them into 4 rather than 3 classes.

FadedSapphire · 18/05/2013 06:39

Even if the class is perceived as 'difficult' not on for a teacher to show it/ be grumpy/ children notice their dislike of class.
Teachers are not super human so Head and SLT should be supporting this teacher in coping with her class to the satisfaction of children [and then by default, parents].

cansu · 18/05/2013 06:56

What do you mean by she gives him a hard time? Your op is a bit vague. Being 'negative' is your rather subjective judgement. What exactly does she do that upsets your ds so much?

Awakeagain · 18/05/2013 07:23

Cansu I was also wondering what had happened to upset ds too
If it was particular behaviour or something specific that that teacher does in class?

learnandsay · 18/05/2013 07:29

When you get to parents evening just tell her how you feel. Perhaps she has never been told before.

Original poster

hiddenhome · 18/05/2013 09:07

She has been told before, we've had two meetings about it with her and the HT teacher.

OP posts:

cansu · 18/05/2013 17:01

What does she do? Having re read your op was a bit concerned that you say you down play what she says and tell him not to take it to heart. That could be construed as undermining the teacher. Is there a chance you have decided she is miserable because you don't like her or maybe she has told off your ds??

cory · 18/05/2013 19:07

I don't think it is always wrong to tell a child that the teacher is wrong. There are some things that no adult should do and a child needs to learn that too. But it is impossible to know if it's right in any individual case when we don't know what the teacher has said or done.

Original poster

hiddenhome · 18/05/2013 22:17

It's mostly her miserable, critical, negative demeanour. It's difficult to explain. She seems to teach mostly by issuing threats rather than incentives. If you don't get more than 9 out of 12 in a test you have to see the HT (as an example). Ds2 is terrified and takes this to heart.

She's always very critical of his handwriting (he's left handed, but his writing looks fine to me and it perfectly legible), so we bought him a left handed pencil to improve it. It helped a lot, but she took it from him when he did his SATS this week, then told him off because his handwriting deteriorated.

She's just endlessly negative. She criticised him in front of the class and held him up as a bad example because he's only read 17 reading books during this term. He reads a lot at home, but we don't list the books because it's a private activity. She never gives house points to the boys, only the girls.

OP posts:

ipadquietly · 18/05/2013 23:45

Not really wanting to get into the discussion, but why should books read at home be 'private'? All books ds reads should be logged in his reading diary. Maybe he'd earn more house points that way, and be praised for reading so much.

(I'm not sure whether I believe the gender imbalance with house points )

HKTekGuy · 19/05/2013 01:08

"The other boys in the class are often poorly behaved and it's not really a popular class.The girls seem okay.... She never gives house points to the boys, only the girls".

Given that youyourself think that the boys are badly behaved, why do you hold it against the teacher for not giving the boys house points?

"She seems to teach mostly by issuing threats rather than incentives"

Once again, if the boys are often poorly behaved why do you expect the teacher to be nicey nicey in her approach to discipline?

"He reads a lot at home, but we don't list the books "

If the teacher doesn't know then you can hardly fault him for criticisng your DS for not reading much.

ICanTotallyDance · 19/05/2013 10:54

Without knowing the teacher and children I can't comment, so I'll take you (OP) by your word.

Back in the day, I too had a miserable Yr 3 teacher. Everyone thought she went a bit mad, turned out she was depressed following her divorce (happened halfway through my Yr 2 year so really hit by the time I had her). It could be that the teacher has had a personal crisis, is having trouble dealing with unruly kids, maybe she is inexperienced? It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but can help you understand her.

Having said all that, with only a few weeks to go, I'd say just ride it out. Sounds like your son will be fine (not better off for this year, but fine).

If he ends up with the same teacher again, if your year group has multiple classes ask to change to another one or even consider leaving the school (extreme, maybe, but could be worth it, particularly if that spurs the management into action). Children should not be having trouble sleeping because they are afraid of their teacher!

A lot of posters are supporting the teacher and tbh without being able to see what's in the classroom, it's hard to say whether she is in the clear, but from your description I would say she's not! I guess I haven't really given any solutions, but I hope some support. With summer so soon I hope your DS has a relaxing break and a good teacher next year.

Mutteroo · 19/05/2013 12:16

Some thoughts i had while reading; I know you feel the HT is backing this teacher, but you'll find most HTs will not be seen to be negative about any of their staff. That would be totally unprofessional. It may well be that this teacher's behaviour/work is being monitored & they're receiving support or retraining. I was chair of governors for many years & at least at DCs primary school, weaker teachers were always supported well & most of the time, the extra help made a huge difference. It could also be that the class itself has caused the teacher a great deal of stress. Some teachers cope better than others.

I would give the school a little longer to deal with the problem. The likelihood of your son getting the same teacher again is slim, as most schools don't like staff to be with a class more than a year.

Original poster

hiddenhome · 19/05/2013 15:40

I don't know why people are doubting me I have two children and I'm in no way neurotic or overprotective I'm just concerned with the amount of stress that ds seems to be under with this particular teacher. I'm worried that he gets her again in subsequent year groups. It's a small school and the teachers do get swapped around.

Just because most of the other boys are badly behaved and don't deserve house points doesn't mean that ds is like that. He tries damn hard and is well known for being capable and bright. He's also pleasant and well behaved. She picks him up for the slightest thing and comes across as being very humourless and unfriendly. Other parents have complained about her too.

OP posts:

crazeelaydee · 20/05/2013 14:51

Just had a quick scan. The info that stands out the most is the change in your Ds's emotional well being and you are dam right to be concerned. I don't think it is good practise for the HT to not acknowledge these concerns regardless of what might be in the pipeline?? and I think using fear as a motivator is disgusting (whether they may be stressed with the whole class or having issues in their personal life) I hope you/your Ds can hang on in there until the end of the year. We were the same in Y2 with Ds, he counted down the days and we had a nice party on the last day ...to see the sheer relief on Ds's face when he left the school that day was priceless!

As for undermining the CT by toning down what has upset your Ds, good for you! we parents don't spend all of our Dc's life building up their confidence etc to help them become healthy, well rounded adults so some miserable twerp who interacts with them for 1 year can undo it all!

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