I could do with some advice.

[MorganK]

It is a while away yet (DD is 18 months) but my husband is adamant she will be going to private school.

I don't see the need.

Firstly- I went to private school and it did nothing for me. My learning difficulties went undetected and I was horrifically bullied for years with little to none done about it. So needless to say- i've been put off and you don't "always get what you pay for".

Secondly- the local primary school here has been rated as Outstanding by OFSTED, as has the local senior school. They are both really good schools and pupils do well...so thats another reason.

What do people think? Am i being silly? I just dont see why we should spend upwards of 10k a year (and for any for future children) when there are perfectly good state schools around us/

I agree with you - if you have an Outstanding Primary close by you'd be crazy to spend £££ on a private school. What you don't spend could be used for interesting extra-curricular stuff, holidays which will broaden her horizons and give her wonderful experiences, etc etc.

But, as you say, this is a while away. That Outstanding Primary may be Failing by then - you just don't know. Give it a few years, have a look round the options, think about things like class sizes, see what your finances are like then.

Why is your DH adamant?

You need to look round all schools in your area, both sectors, with an open mind and decide (much nearer the time) which offers the education you want for DD.

And check what the actual admissions footprint is for the state schools: just because you are local does not necessarily mean you will live close enough to secure a place - distances for non-siblings can be scarily short. Also, schools change over time. You might decide that the secondary isn't right for DD when she's approaching that age, so you need to be reasonable sure that whatever primary/prep you send her to will provide a springboard to a range of secondaries just in case.

What is his reason? Seems a huge waste of money to me, but then I fall into the "only send them to private school if the local state ones are a disaster and my child s not making progress" camp.

I was in your shoes 8 years ago. I could not understand DH's thing about private school. After all, we had both gone through the state system and had done well enough.

Fast forward a few years and our circumstances had dramatically changed so private school was not an option and our children went to a state primary which we both thought looked good on the surface. But it wasn't good, it was awful.
So, we went to a lot of trouble to change schools, this time knowing what to look for.
The second school was better than the first but its still not a patch on the schools I went to, which were just considered ordinary in the 70s.
And now DS has just been diagnosed with a learning disability which would still be classified as must-try-harder if I had not arranged private consultations.

My conclusion is that my DH and your DH are right.

We are not alone in changing our opinion of the merits of a state education either. All our friends that an afford it have put / are about to put their children into private secondaries even though they went to state primaries answer several of them have been offered places at highly selective grammar (following a year of twice weekly private tutoring).

I think some people just have no faith in the public school system. Look at Dianne Abbott & friends.

Sorry for the Americanism! I meant the state school system!

Are you planning on more? (Just wondered because people can often afford it for an only but not more)
I would work out the cost for 5-18yrs and then add on an amount for all extras like music, trips.
Then add university - does he know the cost of university these days- never mind 17yrs time?
Have you got all this spare cash- if not what would happen if you lost your jobs? Would the DC have to leave?
With the money you saved you could help DC buy a house later on- or do lots in the meantime.
You could suggest starting with state and moving when secondary. (DC might have done well by then and not want to move)
Has he been around those schools- some people just think it has to be private without knowing what the state offers. Do not go by what you see on TV or read in the paper about state schools. They range from excellent to dire- as do private schools.

Keep an open mind, visit the schools at the time and then decide.

OFSTED is a snap shot and not the whole picture. You might love or hate either school, might not want to travel, have another child - can you afford to send 2, 3 or more children down the same route?

Plenty of other things to think about with a baby, I'd leave this one for a year or two yet

That is my history to welovegrapes and exactly what I was thinking circa 2004. But fast forward to the end of primary and I have completely changed my opinion after coming to the realisation that state schools have changed beyond all recognition since my own school days.

It doesn't make sense to me to pick a school without looking to see what the options are that are available to you. Private doesnt always mean better.

Well just cos you hated it and you had problems. Doesn't mean that the same will happen to your dd.

Its a few years away and you do need a back up plan if you don't get into the school you want or get allocated one which is performing poorly.

Outstanding doesn't mean it will still be out standing when your dd goes to school and it doesn't mean it will fit your dd either.

In your shoes I'd not rule out anything just yet. It's far to early to be able to where is best for your child. Leave yourself options. Always. :)

What ohforfoxsake and mellen said.

Don't base your entire judgement on your limited experience or the limited experience of some people posting here.

And that has to be true of your DH too. Start visiting your local school and getting a feel for what it is you want out of an education.

Be open minded and look round both. Go on instinct - where will my child be happiest? Maybe go state for primary and independent for secondary or start off in state and move if necessary?