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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Neighbours child off school at least once a week

36 replies

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 15:15

Would a school see it a problem if a child is off school at least once a week?
My neighbours 6yr old always seems to be off school at least once a week although when I see him he is fine but the mum always uses the same excuse 'he didnt seem right this morning so I kept him at home'
The walls in our house are very thin and on numerous occasions I have heard them arguing over the fact that he is quite behind the other children in his class and he also has speech problems. Maybe Im just being silly but I cant help but feel sorry for him getting told off by them for being how he is when they are the ones keeping him off school for what seems no apparent reason. Advice anyone?x

OP posts:

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AuntieStella · 22/03/2013 15:17

Advice?

Remember that this is nothing to do with you. The school will be fully aware of both his attendance and attainment. There is nothing you can add that will not already be known to the relevant bodies.

ArteggsMonkey · 22/03/2013 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwantavuvezela · 22/03/2013 15:18

The school will be aware of the child, their development at school and their absences. There is nothing you need to do or advice you need to get unless you think there is an issue with regards to the child's safety.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 22/03/2013 15:20

none of your business

Original poster

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 15:39

Alrite ladies relax! Was just worrying me as like i said he is getting told off for being behind but isnt attending school???? Mental abuse no??!!?
Busy body? Pot kettle. Was only askin for FRIENDLY reassurance that the school would be acting if need be, no need for those responses!

OP posts:

Original poster

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 15:41

Thanku iwantavuvezela for your response

OP posts:

Talkinpeace · 22/03/2013 15:53

Browneyed
Schools are VERY VERY aware of such families.
The problem they have is that if they get heavy the child is sent in even less
and the correct sort of interventions (full on family support) are incredible expensive.
Your best bet is to remain as friendly as you can, be as non judgemental as you can manage and offer to walk/drive the kid to school with you (assuming you go to the school) as often as possible to help break the cycle being created by the mother.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/03/2013 15:54

I'm sure the school will act on his attendance. It does seem to be excessive bring off one a week but them I also have friends who's children have had awful runs of luck with the children being ill extremely often hopefully your neighbours ds will perk up soon.

Bare in mind that some schools can have a habit of sending children home at the slightest sign of a sniffle it may be that hers is one of them and she's just trying to save herself the cost and hassle of what she feels will be a wasted trip.

Don't worry the school will do their job and act if they feel things are getting ridiculous :)

Original poster

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 15:58

Thankyou for your reassuring responses. Do feel bad about writing on here now but was just looking for reassurance that the school would be aware of anything. Many thanks.x

OP posts:

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/03/2013 16:05

Don't feel bad brown
You were looking out for a child. As adults that is what we are supposed to do. Better to ask if you don't know , even if the majority answer is "mind your own business" , than to be so afraid of negative feed back that you ignore potentially worrying information and a child is in trouble. :)

HumphreyCobbler · 22/03/2013 16:08

I don't think there was any real need to be so rude to the OP, she sounds genuinely concerned to me.

Mind your own business is the direct opposite of the advice often given on these threads. Normally people advocate making friends with the neighbour.

I think shouting at a child because he is 'behind' in his work sounds vile, and I would be concerned too OP. The school will be aware of the attendance issue.

Yfronts · 22/03/2013 16:15

Well he is only young (6) and maybe exhausted and run down rather then properly ill ill? In other countries he would still be playing and not in formal education. An ESW would be interested in anything under 80% I think. The school would probably be sending letters at 90% attendance though maybe?

wentshopping · 22/03/2013 16:25

brown I read your op as "they" were arguing meaning the parents. Maybe the mum has an inkling there is something not right with her child's development, and she is having a hard time convincing her dh. Without his support she maybe feels she can't pursue seeking a formal diagnosis?
Could he perhaps even have something like epilepsy? My dd had childhood epilepsy and you could sometimes tell when a seizure might come on, and in this case I would have said "she just doesn't seem right" as a reason to keep at home. (And avoid being sent home from school after a seizure).
I agree that the school would be monitoring.

learnandsay · 22/03/2013 16:28

Sounds like a slippery slope to me. The further behind he is and the more he misses school the further behind he'll get. As long as he behaves himself when he's in school maybe there is a silver lining. Perhaps he'll get so far behind the school with give him catchup lessons.

musicalfamily · 22/03/2013 19:22

Are you sure there aren't any health problems?

DS2 had a terrible year last year, where I kept him at home loads (only from pre-school thankfully), I knew he appeared not right, especially on a Monday for strange reasons - nobody could quite put the finger on it until I started noticing he refused to eat pasta and bread and put two and two together. A few months later he was diagnosed with coeliac disease and he is now a different child altogether.

His development suffered loads - maybe this child has underlying health issues that the parents cannot quite put their finger on? It is a very hard situation to be in - maybe you could find out more about what is happening and try and suggest seeing the GP about it?

Original poster

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 19:43

The parents are very much all about how they look to other people - dad has a good job but is very much in charge of the house. On a couple of occasions ive heard the man shouting at the child for embarassing him in the supermarket or that he'll be the stupidest boy in the class...hes quite a wierd man, there are memtal health issues in the family i believe. The lady told me ds still wets the bed but its ok because her husband did till he was 11.
Wish are walls werent so thin cos you hear it all and i really dont want to know what goes on. Just cant help but feel sorry for the poor boy.x

OP posts:

Original poster

Browneyedgirl3107 · 22/03/2013 20:03

There are behavioural problems at school.

OP posts:

learnandsay · 23/03/2013 07:50

Maybe you should think about moving house. Concern for the boy's education is one thing, but annoyance that your neighbours are irritating and possibly not mentally stable is a separate issue altogether.

Bakingtins · 23/03/2013 08:10

Move house? Learnandsay do you inhabit the same planet as the rest of us?
OP school will be very aware of the problem as it will be affecting their attendance figures as well as the child's academic achievement. I'm sure they will address it with the family and get the LEA involved if it's not resolved, unless there is a genuine health problem.
I can completely understand your concern and the fact that it's a vicious cycle - the less he goes the more he falls behind and the less he wants to go...

cory · 23/03/2013 09:29

Sounds like there are problems with this family, but chances are that the school will be aware and working on it. Education welfare officers tend to be on the ball and it will be easier for them to do something helpful than for you.

learnandsay · 23/03/2013 10:09

But the welfare officers can't make the child any better at his school work. Just being in the school doesn't mean that he's learning anything.

learnandsay · 23/03/2013 10:11

It depends what his behaviour is like when he is in the school, but there are children I'm sure that the school is grateful to be rid of.

Shattereddreams · 23/03/2013 10:56

Op I know where you are coming from. There is a boy in DD class who has behaviour issues, not just naughty etc. He hits and is manipulative and snide. His mum is 'away with fairies' and dad is most usually in the pub.

They parent very very differently to me. But he is just a little boy who hasn't had the opportunities to learn like his peers. I sincerely hope our school have involved external agencies just to check the status quo. Sadly, I bet they haven't. I feel a slight element of responsibility and what if's, perhaps there is abuse etc.

Lucyellensmum95 · 23/03/2013 11:03

Mental health issues in the house eh? These people clearly should not be allowed children

lljkk · 23/03/2013 11:14

You were right to be concerned, OP. You can't be anything but a caring reliable adult in the boy's environment & hopefully his problems will get worked thru okay.

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