Help! Teacher sharing my personal info with other parents...

[Anne8]

Hi I recently found out that my sons teacher is sharing personal information about me with other parents.

Last year I had a terrible car crash and started getting panic attacks - I saw the Doctor, got pills etc and recovered - I moved away from the area to start afresh, my son started at a new school etc - the next thing I know is the school has got this info and are warning off other parents from me!! (I have lots of friends with kids and they have always been part of my life and I'm a pretty good Mum all in all) - I am in absolute shock, I don't know what to do, how to deal with it - or what on earth is going on. I am guessing that my new Doctor (who I have seen once) has passed my history to the new school and mountains have been made of molehills and for some reason they are telling other parents as if I am an unsafe person. To say I am utterly devastated is an under statement, I feel our new life has been utterly destroyed, I don't know how to clear my name or what to do or even who to speak to.

I am absolutely certain if I start on the school they will close ranks. Right now I want to get a solicitor involved and sue.

Has anyone any idea ofwhat to do?

If they are passing on details to other parents of your medical condition, that is very wrong and probably a Data Protection Act issue. You need to be sure though that this is what they are doing before taking it further.

Yes we need more info - how has school indicated they have knowledge of your medical history, was your awful crash in the newspaper perhaps?

Do you have any evidence thats gp and school have breached your confidentiality? It sounds more like paranoia, are you getting any help at moment with your issues? Could you go to a different gp and get some help?

Why did the car accident mean you had to move areas and schools?

Hope you get some help to feel better and move on

GP's don't share information with schools. It just doesn't work that way, I wanted my GP to fax or post a photocopy of my DS's audiology report to the school and they wouldn't do it due to not being able to ensure confidentiality so there is no way they are going to be contacting the school and giving them your health history, not in a million years.
It is possible that the previous school made note of your health in the records sent to the new school, that is possible.
I am confused though and you need to give more information, what makes you think the school are awere of your medical history? What makes you think other parents have been 'warned off'?
If the school do have your medical history why would they warn other parents off? Schools can't tell you the name of other children involved in events that have happened in school! Why would a school feel the need to involve themselves in matters between parents?

If you have heard a teacher say to another patent 'don't let Tommy play with her child or get involved with that family, the Mother had X and Y happen and is now taking Z medication and is a risk' or words to that effect or similar then you absolutely have a case and should document everything, get as much solid proof as you can and parochial the head teacher, governors and ofsted making sure every step is backed up in writing. However if this is based on feelings, on people not wanting to talk to you in the playground, on your children not being invited to play or to parties then I think you are jumping to conclusions possibly due to the anxiety you suffer from. In this case I would advise seeing your GP to make sure you are getting the best treatment you can, seeing your children's class teacher/s to find out how your child is settling after the move and if there is anything more you can do to help them make friends and finally also go on a playground charm offensive. Some schools can, or may appear to be very hard to break into if you move into the area, that coupled with what sounds like a really terrible time for you and your family can make everything seem personal.

It would be great if you could give some more information so we can help you in the best way possible.

Schools don't routinely share or keep information about parents either so it's unlikely to be in transfer documents from the previous school.

Anne8

I know it can seem like the school gate is a gauntlet you have to run and you waiver between wanting to be included and not. The reality is primary school is a short phase (just 7 years) in your child's life and yours.

First of all, people find out about things because children talk. The likelihood is that at some point your son said something to someone and parents have gradually pieced together the information. My DH is facing redundancy at work, it's been going on for close to 2 years and is incredibly stressful but it looks unlikely he'll lose his job. Although I'd rather the children said nothing about it - the reality is they're stressed too and it helps them to talk to their friends. I've actually ended up having some really supportive conversations with people who have been through similar situations and people who've suggested or offered me work (as the likelihood is I'll have to return to full-time work soon).

My golden rules regarding school gate are this:

1. Remember these people are human too.
2. There is more to life than this primary school.
3. Your kid is here because it's the law, not because you have some burning desire to send them here.
4. Your child's happiness is probably most important.
5. Just like baby groups - there are parents that use those 5-10 minutes at pick-up and drop-off times to show off.
6. You may make some friends through the common experience of your children going to the same school, but then again you may not.
7. This is your child's start at education and making new friends, not yours [however, you can take advantage of opportunities as and when they arise].
8. Because I have seen this with 2 friends who were very involved with school PTA, etc.... - be careful not to make this your whole life, because eventually your child will move on and therefore you will have to as well.

I realise you are new to this community and eager to make friends - but please understand that this is only 6 months into this school year - its very early days. I'd say it took me a good 4 years before I felt I had made friends of the parents of DD1's friends and certainly with DD2, I've had a tendency to make an effort with fewer of her friends' parents, simply because I'm busy. Start slowly - say hello in the morning to people. Ask someone with a slightly older child a question - because there's always something that doesn't make sense to newbies. If you need advice on something, don't see it as a negative thing, be positive about it, if you need to talk through decisions on something (say going on a residential, etc...) with someone who's been there before, why not ask them round for tea and biscuits so you can discuss it (and anything else that comes up) are leisure and in the process possibly start making a new friend.

I'm not sure what your situation is and whether you are working or not - but try and find some activities (even volunteering) to get you out and about and meeting people. There's a great big world out there and friends are not only found through your child's primary school.

As others have said, I think that you need to be absolutely sure that the school have passed information onto other parents. How the school came by the information in the first place is immaterial at the moment to being sure that this has actually happened.
What concrete evidence have you got that the school has given out this information?
If you feel it is more appropriate please feel free to PM me about the evidence. As a chair of governors at a school I will at the very least be able to advice you as to who to contact to progress such a complaint.

I think the first point of call should be your Dr so he can talk to you about the impact this will have on you recovery. You can also be reassured that he/she didnt pass the school any information. Do you have an ongoing therapist to discuss how to approach this? If you do I would discuss with them second and develop a plan with them about how to approach the school about it.

PastSellByDate.

You talk in such down to earth and wise ways. I totally agree with your philosophy.

But please change your no3. It is not the law that dc attend school.

I agree with everything above, the only reason one school would pass information to another about a parent is if Social Services had been involved then the info would be in the child protection file. Gps and their receptionist are notoriously bad at confirming any information never mind sharing it!

I think you need to speak to your GP about your anxiety. It does sound a bit paranoid.

Hi morethanpotatoprints

Thanks for praise & loving your username!

I'll just say that it is the law to educate your child, and most do this by sending them to school (rather than home schooling) (link: www.gov.uk/school-attendance-absence/overview). But yes, I take the point you aren't specifically required to send them to school, just to ensure they're educated - however most opt to send them to state/ private schools to fulfill this legal obligation (thus my point 3).