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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

parent's evening

22 replies

sausagesandwich34 · 12/02/2013 12:00

it's parent's evening this week and I'll be honest, I'm wondering what the point is

NOT A TEACHER BASHING THREAD -I know they put a lot of time and effort into parent's evening and it eats into their family time and makes it a long day for them

I appreciate that I'm lucky in that my children do well and are happy so parent's evening tends to go along the lines of...

'lovely child' blah blah blah 'participates in class' blah blah blah 'keep doing what you are doing at home' blah blah blah

they never run to time, the teachers end up having a really long day and are shattered by the end of it and if you do have an issue, the time slots allowed are not long enough to have a proper discussion

would it not make more sense for parent's evenings to be for the parents that feel they need to go?
I do go but partly it's because I feel obliged to go

I'm a working parent so appreciate the teachers being available later so I can talk to them if I need to but is a mass parent's evening the way to do it?
if I have an issue then I will discuss it at the time (note to school asking for a phone conversation with the teacher when it's convienient and giving a list of times I'm available)

do the parent's that aren't interested in their children's education come anyway?

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learnandsay · 12/02/2013 12:14

Some people are far better at attending things that are scheduled than they are at having spontaneous discussions. You can plan for parent's evening. It makes more sense for a parent whose child is having a problem to attend. If the child has no problems it's nice to hear that too. You and the teacher can just sit there smiling at each other for the other nine minutes.

I don't think parents who couldn't give a monkeys about their children's educations can really be discussed alongside parents who do care. Parents evening isn't about who gives a damn versus who doesn't. It's about receiving and giving information about the children. People who don't turn up miss out.

MonsterLaughs · 12/02/2013 12:16

I totally agree. I hate them.

Teachers only ever say positive stuff, so what is the point?

I've stopped going.

All my children are on the SEN register with problems, and yet none of their teachers ever deviate from the script about how happy they are with their progress etc.....

Regardless of how bad my children are.

I hate the way teachers put a positive spin on everything. I think it's really damaging.

I hear over parents come out from parents evening really happy with how will their child's doing - yet I know (from observation when they come round to play) the the child's not doing well.

But the parent has no idea, 'cause no teacher will tell them.

Original poster

sausagesandwich34 · 12/02/2013 12:17

Oh I would still have a parent's evening, I'm certainly not suggesting doing away with them, but change the tone to a

'if you would like to come in we will be available on this date, please come in'

rather than a

'you must come in otherwise you will be judged to be a terrible parent' tone

OP posts:

MonsterLaughs · 12/02/2013 12:19

But the teachers judge you anyway.

If there are any problems with your child it must be all your fault.

GrimmaTheNome · 12/02/2013 12:21

would it not make more sense for parent's evenings to be for the parents that feel they need to go?

That and also for the parents who the teachers think need to go. (At primary perhaps there is more likely to be some issue the teacher would like to discuss that you're unaware of - not necessarily academic.)

When you get to secondary, with loads of subjects and some teachers having multiple sets so they can't see everyone, that's sort of how it is (or should be) - we know we don't need to see some teachers, and some teachers have said they don't need to see the parents of some kids.

minicreamegg · 12/02/2013 12:28

I don't mind the 1st one but to have to go to another one 3 months later annoys me. Nothing new to hear.

Lonecatwithkitten · 12/02/2013 12:38

Gosh I must be lucky as every parents evening the main teachers tell what DD has improved in and what she needs to put a little more effort into.

cory · 12/02/2013 12:43

Same experience as LoneCat in my case; even at primary they tended to be quite on the ball with what dc needed to do; though I did sometimes think it would be nicer if I hadn't heard quite so much about how difficult it was to deal with a disabled child- as if I didn't know that!

Secondary is better, very subject focused, plus ds' tutor never fails to pull him up over sloppy working or lazy attitude; I think it is good for him to hear that in front of me and see that teacher and I are completely agreed on what needs to be done.

pointythings · 12/02/2013 14:38

lonecat I'm with you, I've never come away from a parents' evening without feeling I have information that will help me support my DDs in a very concrete way. For instance, last time it was all about instilling confidence in maths - she isn't bad at it, quite the reverse, but she isn't confident and it causes her stress. We came away with strategies to use at home and they've worked wonders. We also adapted her strategy for literacy so that she would be properly challenged at home and at school.

All very hands-on useful.

Secondary - have only experienced one, but that was really useful too, clearly set out next steps, end of year targets and one useful comment about chattiness in class which has now been nipped in the bud. I really appreciate teachers giving up their time to attend parents' evenings.

LindyHemming · 12/02/2013 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMushroom · 12/02/2013 17:50

No I was going to say the same Euphemia! I am not a teache rbut my DC school certainly let me know if my DC are slacking or anything. It's hard to hear but at least they know what they need to help with...and what I need to work on with the DC>

mrz · 12/02/2013 18:02

I don't either ... I tell the truth however hard that is to hear.

EyeoftheStorm · 12/02/2013 18:06

A positive spin? Tell that to DS1's teacher: that boy needs a rocket up him. She was brilliant.

mrz · 12/02/2013 18:13

sausagesandwich34 we send out two letters one says

"'Parents evening is on date if you would like to discuss your child's progress I will be available on this date, please make an appointment"
the other says
"It is important that you discuss your child's progress with mrz and an appointment has been made at time on date please make an alternative appointment if this is not convenient"

Rowlers · 12/02/2013 18:15

Well I'm very honest with students and parents at parents' evening.
There are occasional students when there isn't much to say other than how proud parents must be, but most get a list of targets to aim for. I teach secondary.
I often come away from my children's parents' evening (primary) wanting more info - it does all seem very non-commital if that makes sense.
I appreciate their time, though. It is exhausting talking for 3-4 hours non-stop!

Celticlassie · 12/02/2013 18:15

I don't always say positive things either - I make it clear when a pupil isn't progressing, and why. I have records of missed homework, and recent grades, to ensure the parents are aware of what's going wrong. If a pupil is doing well, I tell the parent that too, but certainly wouldn't say positive things if they weren't true.
Wrt parents feeling they would be judged by teachers if they didn't come, I'd much rather only see the parents I needed to see, rather than the other way round!

mrz · 12/02/2013 18:18

I do work with a teacher who never says anything bad which is a nightmare for the next teacher

arkestra · 12/02/2013 18:35

If my DC's teachers only ever said positive things at a parent's evening then I wouldn't want to bother either. Luckily that hasn't happened to me so far. Even for my own demonspawn perfect little angels there's always something that can be improved.

I would go as far to say that if the teacher can't think of anything needing work then to me that's a sign that something's up.

For instance maybe 90% of teacher's time is being taken up with some problem kids and the rest are being left to drift somewhat? Or the teacher is having more general problems getting to grips with teaching for the class?

Seriously, not being able to make decent judgements on kids is not a good sign...

redskyatnight · 12/02/2013 19:04

As a working parent, parents' evening is my only chance to actually see the teacher. Yes, I would make an effort to contact them for real issues, but there's a few niggly things it would be nice to chat about. Plus I think it gives the teacher a chance to find out more about the DC is at home.

noramum · 12/02/2013 21:29

With just one child in school I have no idea how DD does go along. I don't know if she is behind, ahead or just average.

I need it to have the 10 minutes in peace instead of just the drop off when the teacher has no time and I don't want to discuss something in front of 20 other people.

DD's teacher so far have been honest, have made suggestions how to encourage her and keep her going. They also explain how they work.

DD is only in Y1 and I can't rely on what she tells me what happens in school.

SE13Mummy · 12/02/2013 22:32

I say what needs to be said - not all of it is positive.

SmileAndPeopleSmileWithYou · 13/02/2013 08:48

I also say what needs to be said.

We also discuss national expectations versus where the child currently is performing and their target for the year. I discuss specific details and give parents some positive aspects and 1 or 2 specific things they can focus on at home if they wish.

I do say things like "always tries his/her best" (if it is true) but the parents of children like this are likely to already know so I do focus more on the academic details.

I appreciate that a lot of parents are good at keeping up with what their children can/cannot yet do and the levels they are on. But there are a surprising number of people on here who ask questions about levels, where children should be performing and where children are in relation to others in the class etc. Maybe their schools are not keeping them as well informed.

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