Waterloo Road looks like such a wonderful school, admissions process help.

[Flossish]

Where do I need to live to be within the catchment area?

Does anyone know if there is any other admission criteria??

TIA.

I thought it was a secondary school...

I think you'd need to live in Greenock.

Wateroo Road - Official Admissions Criteria

Eligible students will:

1. Look at least 25 - (preferable for male students to need to shave at least 2X per day)
2. Have a complex back story involving either: (a) member of the teaching staff, or (b) another student
3. Pay scant heed to the school's uniform policy, save sticking to a maroon / black / white colour scheme (grey allowed)
4. Have a regional accent originating a significant distance from the school
5. Preference will be given to those students who can evidence string criminal tendencies

Thanks Marlinspike.

Looks like we've got some work to do to meet those!

Who says you don't need to look into secondary schools early, eh?

Think it's now supposed to be a private boarding school?! It must have places - they only have about 10 kids so far!

I think its one of Gove's Free Schools... even though it's in Scotland where the policy doesn't apply.

My DC school's uniform is the same colour. Does that count???

If they don't grow between yr 6 and 7 I would not have to pay out a fortune

Ah, Simpson, but you need to customise / accessorise the uniform approprioately otherwise your DC will be sent to the cooler. If you have a DD she need to wear an incredibly short skirt, fishnet tights, tighty-tight blouse with contrasting bra underneath, and fishnet tights. For Ds's, low slung jeans and high top trainers would be suitable.

You will need to be aware of the school's disciplinary and behavoiur management policy - any misdemeanours (eg burning down the school / carrying a loaded automatic pistol) may be addressed in the following ways:

1. A full confession to the whole school, followed by a very public arrest (police must be fed up of pitching up to the school by now)

1. A tearful / contrite expression of regret, made in a faux-sincere manner.

In both instances, the issue will be resolved within an hour and will be completely forgotten the following week.

That's double fishnet - almost as much of a fashion faux pas as double denim!

Better start teaching DD to swear and let her have a few percings then

piercings

With a headteacher arrested for murdering his father and an English teacher who has conspired to pervert the course of justice, PHSE lessons must be fascinating.

OOh, don't forget the Spanish teacher who had an affair with a student (married him at Gretna Green I believe), the French teacher who wasn't really a teacher, te Headteacher who moonlighted as a prostitute....

Oh yes and pretty much anyone being able to be a foster parent with zero training and at short notice!!

It sounds like a truly inspiration place.

oh yes and great security on site. Will let anyone wander in and use PC's, pop into classrooms etc.

Teachers can pretty much fast track the adoption process and pick a kid, so if you fancy taking a year off to travel the world you could probably dump them on a teacher.

Maybe they should start lessons on how to use a firearm too!!