Need some help - Careless/forgetful DS

[socareless]

I have name changed for this. DS1 is 7.5, has always been quite absent minded and forgetful. He changed school in Sept 2012 and new school is a good 35 mins a way from home.

DH & I both work full time so have never done drop offs/pick ups. whilst he was at old school he regularly lost some of his school unforms mostly jumpers and sometimes his polo shirt if he had after school sports. Most times in former school we never recovered the missing items so had to replace.

Now in new school he has misplaced blazer, winter jacket, 2 pairs of PE socks, waterbottle, 5 pairs of games socks, his school shoes, his snow boots, 2 winter hats and his pencil case. Luckily we recovered the blazer (after spending £70 on a replacement), the winter jacket and school shoes.

Today DH lost it with him when we realised that he had someone's blazer on, did not have his hat yet again!! and forgot/can't remember where it is/maybe on the bus/lost his snow boots!!! we are very with him moreso because we spoke to him over the weekend about his forgetfullness and discussed strategies to help him remember.

I am going into school later today to help look for some of the missing items.

DS2 is in same and is yet to lose anything.

Have you dealt with this? any help on how to tackle this will be most appreciated.

That should read 'DS2 is in the same school'

7 and a half is really young to be responsible for all that stuff. This is probably compounded by no-one being there to remind him as soon as he comes out from school. I used to regularly send mine back for things. Maybe you could get him to count how many things he has with him in the morning and to count how many he has when he leaves?

Could you have a word with the school? maybe their storage etc is not helping and this may be a school wide problem - are you labelling the stuff correctly? I use a permanent marker on my boys things.

Thank you amck. I know 7.5 is quite young, his uniforms are all labelled (sticked in by uniform company). His school encourages yr3 pupils to start taking responsibility for their things e.g I am not meant to check his bag to see what homework he has or even remind him (but I do this anyway), so not sure how they will feel about me telling them to keep an eye on him.

I will add your strategy of counting his stuff and perhaps add a list (if he remembers to check it)to it as well.

I agree that he should be starting to take responsibility for his homework etc, but if they are not giving him (or other pupils) a proper place to store all the things that they have to take then that won't help.

You could try saying that his things are being stolen rather than lost and see what they say :)

I do the count thing myself as we are always dashing out the door in the morning so I used to forget stuff all the time. Now my number is 7. 2 sets of keys, 2 phones, purse, laptop and lunchbag :o

DS has SN which lead him to have difficulties with self-organisation.
Am not for a moment suggesting SN here but the strategy may help.

I list, list, list.
List on bedroom wall for morning routine, list on downstairs cupboard for breakfast routine, list for out the door stuff.
I am about to write a list for organising himself to get home with full uniform, books needed for homework, projects etc.
Would that help? My DS has adapted to looking at the list and loves being praised for sorting out all his gear in the morning himself.

Urgh - welcome to my world.
Some kids lose a lot of stuff and some don't. we've been working on this one for years and it does slowly get better but slowly.

A few things we've found help:
Label absolutely everything. Try to enlist the help of the class teacher/TA/school receptionist/any handy adult who can possibly remind him to bring things home. Make sure he is as organized as possible as things are slightly less likely to go missing from a tidy bag/desk. Keep spares at home if you can - it will help your sanity. Try to make sure he has a few minutes in the morning and after school to organize himself. Send a list to school to remind him of anything particularly important. Keep on his case. Try to keep a sense of humour, but at the same time make sure he realises that these things cost money and he does have to start to take some responsibility. I'd be astonished to hear that he is the only one in the class to have this issue - in my son's year 3 class half a dozen boys had lost their coats, shoes and various other items within the first couple of weeks.

My friend was discussing this very issue with me this morning. Her son is nearly 8 and loses everything. She said he went from school to after school club with literally none of his belongings (school bag, lunch box, hat, gloves, water bottle, swimming kit), just his coat. She's tearing her hair out about it too. I'll point her in the direction of this thread for some ideas.

amck - Thank you. Just spoke to DH (he went into school when he lost his blazer) he said they all have named pegs and a locker but its a very small space so you do have a point. will have to psyche myself into speaking to teacher.

porridge - Thank you for posting. I will definitely try the list. DH has been suggesting this for a while but I dismissed it saying if he is forgetful/careless he is bound to forget to check or lose the list.

middle - thank you, where did your ds keep his list? pocket of trouser or school bag? I tried to keep a sense of humour in the early years but now its no longer funny especially when I have seen him coming out of the school bus with his bag unzipped and ds2 (5) behind him picking up a trail of books, pencils, water bottles!!

Run - very happy to share.

I used to tape a little list on the inside of DS's book bag so he could check that he had everything at the end of the day.

It was subtle and crucially he didn't feel like he had a "problem" - it was just another thing to check in the routine of school.

I would also make sure that he did not take any extraneous items with him in the morning. And like others have said label everything. It does normally find its way back.

On the rare occasion that he lost something I did take him to buy the replacements so that he could see that there was cost involved.

Remembering all that stuff though is a big ask for a 7 year old.

it's probably not too early to introduce him to the practical and financial realities of losing things. Let him know that it is not always possible to replace things straight away and it might mean he has to get wet feet until new boots can be bought. i always said to my boys that having to replace their stuff would mean that we wouldn't have money for treats. I never threatened that they wouldn't get the things they needed as that was not true and it would make them worry too much at that age.

Thanks Raisin. The fact that I have 2 other DCs who could potentially make use of some of his things probably doesn't help how we feel. I love the idea of taping a list to his bag. so i will set about compiling one now. Thank you.

Socareless - I feel your pain and know exactly what you mean about the bag unzipped, things trailing out of it etc etc. What Raisin says is the only way to do a list - attach it to the bag otherwise he'll just lose the list. Then you just have to hope he doesn't lose the bag.

You're welcome! Hope it helps.

Your "absent minded and forgetful" DS sounds just like my "dreamer and deep thinker". His words, but I kind of like them.

Your DS can and will get more organised - he'll just have to employ strategies to help himself. Remember he's only little.

I still make lists and I'm 45!

Oh, and probably speaking out of turn (apologies!) but that comparison thing with younger sibling who "is yet to lose anything". Not really helpful...

Thank you all. You have been most helpful. Just been off the phone with DH and we think the taping of list is genius.

Raisin I know the comparison is unhelpful especially as I also know DS2 who is in Kg/YR has a TA that makes sure they all have their stuff at the end of school day. I have blindingly used it when speaking to DS1 as he is very competitive and was hoping it will make him sit up. But sadly it hasn't worked so will stop it before I sow a seed of sibling rivalry.