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Primary education

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Original poster

Should I mind my own business: Friend's DS?

12 replies

brompton · 06/12/2012 11:15

I've recently been helping out in the reception class my daughter and my friend's son attend. I'm worried that her DS isn't happy at school. Unless he's in close interaction with an adult he just seems to sit or stand around looking a bit withdrawn and glum. He doesn't really interact or play with the other children. He's very young for the year and is a bit quirky but the boy I see at school is completely different to the bright lively boy I know out of school.

However my friend told me she's really happy because she thinks he's doing well after a difficult time at pre school. A big part of me thinks leave it alone but then if that was my child I would want someone to tell me.

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dippywhentired · 06/12/2012 11:16

Tell her - I'd want to know if it were my son or daughter.

Houseworkprocrastinator · 06/12/2012 11:19

I would tell her or mention it to the teacher and see what they say. although it is not unusual for children to be quieter at school than at home i know my two are. but if there were issues in nursery cant do any harm to see if something can be done to help him settle a bit more.

redskyatnight · 06/12/2012 12:04

You absolutely don't tell your friend. Talk to a member of staff. I also help out at DD's school and it is emphasised that it is not up to us to "interfere" in school matters - if we have concerns we refer them to the relevant person. Equally if a parent asks us about something in school we again refer them to the relevant staff member.

And situations like yours are, I suspect why DD's school doesn't let parents help out in their own child's year group.

bizzey · 06/12/2012 12:05

Speak to the teacher first and mention your concerns..it is up to the teacher to speak to your friend not you ....you might be breaking some confidenciality(sp sorry in rush!) thing in the school about helpers discussing other peoples children sort of thing ....even though she is your friend.

DeWe · 06/12/2012 12:09

Don't tell her. Mention it quietly to the teacher that he's very different out of school.

If someone came and said that to me I'd be heartbroken, and realistically there wouldn't be much I could do. The teacher would be in a much better place to deal with it as well.

Dromedary · 06/12/2012 12:09

If I were the friend, I'd prefer it if you told me. If there are concerns at school the school should be telling the parent anyway, not keeping it quiet. And it doesn't involve any of the other children.

bizzey · 06/12/2012 12:10

X post with redsky but we said the same thing !!!! I always thought you could not help out in your own childs year group.

RaisinBoys · 06/12/2012 12:30

You can't tell your friend about an observation in a classroom situation.

You could mention it to the teacher, but chances are the teacher would have recognised this if it is a problem.

This was my Aug born DS in Reception, Y1 - this is still occasionally my DS in Y5! Not every child is the life and soul of the party! Especially the little Summer born ones. School doesn't come easy to all - give the 4 year old some time. It's almost Christmas, he's probably exhausted.

Our instincts are there for a reason - I'd listen to them! I would not have thanked any of my friends for telling me this.

I would expect the Teacher to tell me so that we could work out strategies to improve the situation.

Reason 753 why it is not a good idea to have parents volunteer in their children's class

BlueberryHill · 06/12/2012 12:33

Agree with bizzey and redsky, if you have any concerns raise it with the teacher. Also, how often do you help out, you won't be seeing the whole picture. As a volunteer you are / should be subject to confidentiality policies. Whilst I understand that you care for the boy, if you cannot see this, think about whether volunteering in that class is for you.

purplecrayon · 06/12/2012 12:33

You are not allowed to tell your friend (?)

If you have a concern, I think all you can do is to raise it with the teacher.

Original poster

brompton · 06/12/2012 13:21

Thank you all. It was just horrible to listen to her so happy about how well he's doing and I think I just needed to say it somewhere. I've calmed down a bit now.

Of course I know I don't have the full picture and it might even be that he is doing well in the context of his own behaviour. I'll have a word with the teacher.

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Tgger · 06/12/2012 14:28

Well, he wasn't in tears so that's good . Looking glum is sometimes a matter of interpretation and not interacting with the others also so to a point. Presumably he doesn't stand out like a sore thumb in this or the teacher would have raised it with his parents (you would think?).

I agree with the others who say mention it to the teacher rather than your friend.

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