unhappy with teacher

[silverliningstar]

My little one started reception in September, had gone to nursery at the same school and loved it. Since starting full time we have had tears on a few occasions. I cant understand it as she always loved it before. The school has rapidly expanded and become a foundation with a large amount of children. We attended parents evening but it was a disaster, teacher was not sympathetic at all and very defensive (my partner was not the most tactful). Since the open night things have settled down but I find the teacher very sharp towards me - hardly speaks to me. Also my little one has told me today she was the last one to get a part in the nativity and she is an animal.. all her little friends are angels and ballerinas - am I being paranoid?

Two initial things. Don't automatically believe what a 5 year old tells you- and what did your partner say?

I think, sadly, your experience is very common. Just stay at arms length and try and keep your dd as positive and upbeat as possible.

Is the TA approachable?

Partner was concerned about the class size. Maybe I am just being paranoid...

How big is the class?

As for Xmas play, I don't think it's worth being upset about. At my DTD's school all the kids in reception had to sit on the floor and join in the singing It was still magical watching them though!

if your partner was hard on her at parents evening it's possible that he does not like you or is intimidated by you. She's only human. You could request another meeting with her and be calmer this time and she might respond better. Perhaps another teacher such as the coordinator or the head could be there too.

A lot of children are unsettled when they start 'real' school. It's a big change. My oldest was worn out and my youngest is really unhappy as she is struggling academically.

I wouldn't take her word that 'all her little friends are angels and ballerinas' as this is not likely to be true. There is probably a spread of parts. She might have wanted to be a certain thing and when she didn't get that part, she may feel sad but it's all a part of being a part of something bigger. My response to it would have been 'I'm so glad you are a goat! You will be brilliant at it'

I remember my dd was distraught at being a sheep when her friends were stars. Turned out that the sheep was a major speaking part- stars were wordless chorus.....

Ds was a donkey in his reception nativity. I was a bit (hmm) but it was actually the best part (obviously). Who knew donkeys sang and danced?

Thanks for the advice - I will be giving my little one the loudest cheer..

Oh yes, I was so sad at being a crappy rat when all my friends were being pretty rag dolls with make up

And I wept all over my mother and raged that it wasn't fair

And she went into the school and asked the teacher

And it turned out that I had been given the lead part because I was the only child who could read the lines clearly enough, aged five, to be heard.

And I STILL bitched that I didn't want to be a rat!

So what untactful things did your partner say?

Yes what DID your partner say?

An animal's a good part at our school. Some of them are stars and trees.

We give parts out based on attendance (no good giving a part that involves rehearsing a lot to someone that is never there) , can follow instructions, needs to be kept in one place, is confident etc.
Its the best child for the job, parents have nothing to do with which role goes to who.
Animals are often the best parts in our plays too

So, she's the only animal in the Nativity?
She was last? usually the parts are divided up and given out in one go, and someone has to be the last on the list but it should have been a matter of minutes.
You are taking the word of a 5 year old, her perspective may be subjective.
If your partner was tactless, what about? Did he suggest that the class size was too large for the teacher to manage effectively? Was he directly critical of her rather than school policy? Was she defensive first, or as a response to him?
You all need to work on creating a positive, functioning relationship between home and school if your DD is to benefit.

There are going to be teachers you don't gel with.

There are going to be teachers that your DD doesn't gel with.

You are not friends. As long as you can maintain a constructive relationship and your DD is learning I can't see a problem.

Arrange a meeting if you have concerns about your DD - Parents Evening comes at the end of a long (and possibly stressful) day for teachers. In my experience not necessarily the best time to learn anything useful about a child's progress; and if your partner was a bit sharp with the teacher as well....

Nativity - animals are a pretty key part of the story! What with being born in a stable and all!

Ds1 was a tree. He had to stand still for an hour and on one occasion, sway.

How many freaking ballerinas are there in a nativity these days, out of interest?

I assume the teacher is cool because she doesn't see any issues with dd and your partner questioned her professional ability. I can kind of see her point, but he won't be the first ignorant twat she's had to deal with, I'm sure. (Nor the last). She probably figures all she has to do is get through the next year until she gets rid of him.

In short, yes, you are being paranoid.

He was concerned about the class size? I think the infant class size rules will be being adhered to. No need for him to fret his pretty head.

Oh my. If I remembered the name of the child of every parent who was rude to me, and took time out of my day to organise petty slights to attack the child, I'd have no time to teach! Your partner thinks there are issues with class sizes (not something the teacher has any control over) and you think she's a petty dictator?

No wonder she's cool towards you!

I think that most teachers have a parent or two that they are civil with.
Not friendly or welcoming, but very civil.

It is not uncommon for children to find changing class unsettling in my DD's class the child to have the worst tears had been in Nursery at the school for nearly 2 years.
The Nativity I would really not stress about they all enjoy taking part the day after it is over they are not bothered which part they were. Someone has to be last to get a part DD always was the last to be read out as her surname begins with a W.

Changing class/teacher can cause a child to be unsettled.

My ds's teacher left after half term. He's told me he's sick every morning since. Asked him if anything is wrong. He said "too many girls toys in the class". His teacher puts out nothing different to his previous one. Just he didn't like the change.

The "I was last" and "ALL my friends" I would take with a huge handful of salt. It goes with "everyone else in my class goes to bed at midnight" and such comments.

And for what it's worth dd1 was very upset when she got her part in the preschool nativity. Devastated she was. All her friends were angels or stars and she wanted to be one. It was true too. She made a very cross Mary...

If your partner thinks infant class sizes aren't being kept to then he needs to speak to the head or the governors. The class teacher will have no say, so it sounds like he owes her an apology there. Bit like shouting at the lady on the till because you think something's too expensive.

yes teachers have very differing personalities. All people in authority do.
We go through spells of thinking they are perfect. Often doesn,t last. Stay calm