Child injured another...

[Pyrrah]

Help, I've just had a phone call from DD's school to say that she has badly scratched a little boy's face.

The teacher isn't sure what happened - DD said that they had been 'pretending' so I imagine they were playing a game rather than her lashing out over a toy or something. She's very truthful so would have said if they had been fighting.

She's only 3 and this was her second day at school - however she has been going full days to a private nursery and in a year she has never ever hit, bitten or pushed another child so this is totally out of character.

The school have called the other child's parents to tell them what happened, but haven't said that DD was the culprit - although it's likely that the child will say it was DD.

The nursery are picking DD up this afternoon, but not sure what I should do tomorrow am. Should I ask DD who the child was and find their parents to apologise or just leave it for the school to sort out?

Will speak to DD tonight - and trim her nails!

Totally mortified.

If it had been DD who was scratched I'm pretty laid back - she got a black eye and a bloody nose on separate occasions at nursery due to other kids and I wasn't really worried, accidents happen and 2 and 3 years olds are basically mini-psychopaths anyway, but I know a lot of other parents don't feel that way...

A black eye and a bloody nose will heal and don't leave marks. If she really has scratched drawing blood, the little boy might end up with permanent scars. So that is quite a difference IMO.

I would sit down with your dd and explain that she should not play these types of games (play fighting) as somebody would invariably get hurt.

If the little boy is truly badly scratched then I would also speak to school - when did this happen, the boy presumably cried/screamed, where was the staff, at what point did they intervene, do they allow play fighting (I hope not) and if not, do they make this clear to the children.

If you see the parent of the little boy tomorrow morning, I would apologise and tell them that you are trying to get to the bottom of this.

This is not just about your dd (who has been naughty) but also staff not having intervened in a timely manner.

It was the teacher who rang me - pretty much immediately I think given that DD was apparently still sitting in the corner.

She said she only saw out of the corner of her eye that something was going on - and couldn't tell me what it was. There are only 20 kids in the class at the moment and at least 2 TAs as well as the teacher so no shortage of staff.

I am a bit annoyed about that as play fighting - which is what she thinks it was - tends to escalate rather than being an instant attack and they should have been stopped before it got to the point where one or other got injured.

Not that that excuses or lets DD off the hook at all. She has attacked me in the past and knows that it is absolutely not allowed so there will be a big discussion tonight. DH is also home having been away for a week and is not happy at all about her behaviour.

My biggest worry is that the little boy will have been hurt enough to scar.

I've arranged to see the teacher tomorrow am for a chat.

Hi there,

Accidents happen, however, there is play fighting and there is deliberate scratching. In my opinion these are two different things entirely.

My two boys playfight all the time - karate chops etc - but it never involves deliberately scratching another person. DS1 was quite badly scratched at a play place about 18 months ago, and he does now have a scar on his face. It was completely deliberate and I was furious, but unable to locate who the parent was so that she/he could reprimand their child. The scar has faded somewhat, but it is still there :( My same DS also got bitten on his second day at Reception, it happened during morning break, the culprit said it was an accident, my son was too shy to say anything, but the teeth marks and bruising was still there at the end of the day. The teacher asked me to find out any info re biting and DS1 told me that it was on purpose. Culprit clearly trying to cover his own back!

If you do know who the child is, I think an apology from you and reassurance that the incident has not gone unnoticed/undealt with will go a long way towards good nursery relations. But talk to the teacher to see what they say. I expect that the child who was scratched has told the parents, and I expect the parents are trying to work out who the child was that scratched their child. . I know I would be.

You say that she has attacked you in the past, but that the scratching incident was totally out of character, which is a contradiction. And I don't agree that 2/3 year olds are mini-psychopaths. I think that that they are extremely territorial about their toys etc, but I wouldn't say that they go around hitting each other on a day to day basis, although they are notoriously clumbsy/uncoordinated at times leading to bumps, knocks and bruises during the course of play.

Bottom line? I would want an apology, and if one wasn't forthcoming, then I would quietly fester!!!

Totally agree that you should have a chat about what is and isn't acceptable. I expect she knows this, but it wouldn't do any harm for her to realise that it is a big deal, even if she insists it is an accident.

Good luck!