Rough start for DS @ Reception

[Tak3n]

I know we have a very shy and timid 4 year old, I have told the school this countless times, and to be fair they have been great....

He has not started well, the going to school is distressing him greatly, and we have lots of tears and "please dont make me go" heartbreakers.... getting him into the reception class has also been very distressing and I feeli like my heart has been ripped out.

The school told me yesterday morning that at break times he stands at the gate crying looking down the road for me :(

I then get a call about 11:20 to tell me that on breaktime my DS had just been stung by a wasp on his ear!!

Please tell me it will get better

Please tell me that someone comforts him when he is Standing crying at the gate

I am not sure, that was my first responce, the receptionist did not know the answer, surely they would, that is the most basic provision one would presume, I also asked his teacher and she was not aware of the incident (they have a whole different team that does break times, which seems strange, but my OP says it is normal

I couldn't read this and not answer.

Poor you, and poor DS. The wasp sting was bad luck but how awful!

What purpose did it serve in telling you that he stands there and cries? Really that is something the school staff should be addressing, by comforting or distracting him. Telling you about it is just going to make you feel bad (job done).

The only consolation I can offer is that even my 4yo DD, who is not particularly sensitive and has been going to nursery since 6mo, cried a bit going in yesterday. She bounced out at the end of the day and had a ball. She is shattered though.

Give him lots of tlc, cuddles, rest and treats this weekend. Good luck for next week x

TY Poppy, the way they told me was almost like they expected me to resolve it (I am sure it is just me reading it wrong)

I have tried to ask DS about it, but he is not making much sense, he just says he is "waiting for me"

I dont know how they do it at schools, but I suppose as long as he is safe and he chosses to stand there I guess they wont force him away, I appreciate there is other children they have to watch

The school may have noticed that he's standing alone in the playground, but they cannot know whether he's looking for you, and I actually think it is very unlikely that he's crying (staff just aren't that shitty).

I think you just have to brace yourself and be breezy; this is a few hours in school - not the stuff that rips hearts out. Make sure you never use emotional language in front of him.

Ask him to tell you about the things he's liked in school, and build on those. Speak to the teachers again, and ask specifically for someone to keep an extra eye on him in the playground to establish tearfulness levels and encourage him to join in with something other than stand and stare (if this will not be counterproductive).

Stay calm, and stay positive about the school, and determinedly do everything you can to have him see the good bits (even if they are few in number at present).

My DD dudn't want to go back after one day despite Reception still being in the unit where she went to preschool so she is used to it.

Lunch times seemed to be a real problem so one of the TA's who knows her well, sat her beside her and it seems to have helped a lot.

I agree that you need to mention it to the teachers and ask them to get another child to help look after him a d keep a close eye themselves

My ds1 really didn't want to go to school. Everyday I would drag him down there and eventually the teaching assistant would have to physically pull him off me as he would cling onto me for dear life begging me not to leave him. I would come out the classroom in tears.

The teacher told me that ds1 would cry for quite a while when I left and at point during the day he would cry and say he wanted me. The teacher and the teaching assistant were excellent. They would try to distract ds1 and give him a job to do when I needed to leave, like getting the register or collecting the meal baskets (and he liked that as it made him feel special because the teacher had picked him to do something). I also know that during the day the teaching assistants spent a lot of time with him, because if he told me he'd cried for me and I asked him what happened he would say Mrs X gave me a cuddle.

It was heartbreaking for me. So much so that I considered home schooling him as it broke my heart. But he teacher was really lovely with me and said as long as we were all firm, but kind and consistant ds1 would eventually be happy coming into school.

I won't lie. It took forever. He did get better than to hysterical crying, but there were tears every morning of yr r. Yr 1 was simiiar, but by that point he knew he had to stay so he had his little routine of doing to get a tissue.

Yr2 he was suddenly a different child. He loved school and was fine. I worried this year as where we are children change school for yr 3, but he has been fine.

Your ds will be ok, it may take a while, but things will get better. In the meantime though hugs to you. I can remember that awful feeling I used to have as I came out the classroom. But it really will get better and I'm sure much quicker than my ds1 (as the end of yr R his teacher did confess that she'd never had a child not want to come to school for that long, she said they are normally ok by the first half term!)

I think the best way to help your Ds is to:

• keep telling him how proud you are of him and that he is a big boy now who goes to the big school! How clever!
• find out from the teacher if there is a child who could be a possible friend for him and try to arrange for this child to come and play after school (if teacher is no help you will have to ask him (but he may not have much idea himself at this stage) or bite the bullet and arrange for a child to come and play and see how it works out
• ask the teacher if your Ds can be given extra help to make friends during playtimes and lunchtimes (maybe specifically teamed up with another child)
• I would mention that you heard that your child stands crying at the gate during playtime, could the teacher reassure you that someone takes care of him when that happens (unfortunately, some lunchtime staff seem a bit lackadaisical at times, they are very poorly paid mothers in many cases who patrol the playground at lunchtime).

The fact is your Ds is not alone in how he responds. There are many young kids who struggle when they start reception and there is a lot of crying and yes, they will cry out and look out for their mother. Our school does not tell the parents if their child is crying a lot and calls out for its mother unless it is a very extreme case and we are not sure how to handle it. Normally, we try to distract the child, with some kids this is easier than with others plus we are lucky that we have additional staff to take care of a very unsettled child. Some kids settle really quickly, most are settled by Christmas and some are still crying towards the end of Reception.

Good luck, I hope he settles soon.

And, sorry to say this, but if you've told the school "countless times" when he'll only have been there a couple of weeks, they may have concluded you are one of Those Parents.

Have a think about whether you are over-involved.

I realise this post is a little old, but I just HAVE to answer the last post even if no-one ever reads it.

What on God's earth is "one of those parents"? One who cares about their child? One who doesn't wish to merely drop them off in the morning without a second thought?

"Over involved"? We are parents, we have to be involved. They are our children and we are ultimately responsible for them. As parents we remain responsible for ensuring our children receive an education, whether that takes place in school or home. Many problems in today's society is due to the fact that far too many parents are not involved enough and do not care enough, IMO.

Sorry for the rant but I am incredulous that as parents we can be thought to be over involved. I take my children's happiness, health and education very seriously and shall remain involved, or even over involved if necessary until they leave school/home, and beyond most probably. Because I love them dearly.

I have to say that school can for some be something that "rips your heart out". A child's happiness is worth far more than anything in my book.

Florrie, I do know what 'one of those parents' are like. They are the group of 3 or so parents that hog the teacher's attention at every opportunity - going into school, coming out of school - so that I have to write scribbled notes to pass to my DS to give to his teacher to remind her that he has to leave for an appt, so he can take his homework. They are also the parents that kept me waiting for nearly an hour for a 15 minute parent meeting as they had resolutely refused to move until the HT came in as well.
DS is in Y5 and they are still doing it. Is that involved, or over bearing, where they expect that other parents do not get a look in or can wait as they are obviously not entitled to the teachers time as well. If you think that's a rant, well yes, but I have 3 DCs and I can honestly say that there are a group of 'one of those parents' in each class. I can tell you now that they will still stop us 'less entitled' parents access to the teacher for years to come!
Book an appointment, say what you have to say in private, remember that there could be 30 + other parents that also want a say.
Rant over

My DD has only just turned 4, she's probably the youngest in her class. She's very sociable and outgoing and has loved starting school... but the novelty is starting to wear off now, she's a bit pissed off at the fact that she actually has to do this school thing 5 days a week, no choice in the matter.

So she had a good week last week, but this week there's been tears and tantrums in the morning and at bedtimes. It's a very fraught and emotional time, god knows how she'll get on til half term. You have my sympathy op!

florrie I'm with you. My heart feels ripped out too, this is all way way tougher than I thought it would be and we are looking and researching our options should this route turn out to not suit our child.
OP I hope things get easier, I wish I could send you more than a virtual hug, it is the worst thing in the world seeing your child distressed. Trust your instincts and squeeze him tight every chance you can.